Chris runs his tattooed hand along the side of the bed that would be empty now. No longer filled by the one person who he craved the most beside him. It now cold and lonely. It's at night when it hits the most. The guilt of his lies and the mistakes he could have avoided. He had told himself he wouldn't miss this. He wouldn't miss her.
He had a busy life and for awhile, it didn't hit him. He was happy.
He could have anyone in the world that he wanted. Only six months later, he is at home. It empty. Nothing left of the woman who once took over his whole entire life. Expected the best of him and got less then what she did. Less of what she deserved of someone worthy of her love.
His hands hold his head as he looks to the ground, somehow staring past the wood floor to relieve everything. Right down to the last time he had to touched her before he left for tour. Right before he broke it off for some hook up that wouldn't last for but a few days or a week.
He smiles at the memory. He remembers the sighs and whimpers from where he had pinned her up against the dressing room wall. His hand pressed over her mouth to keep her quiet. He still can't believe he managed that. Managed to get her off in such a public place. He always did say he would be proud of that the most.
As he sits here in his bedroom no longer filled with the love or lust, he can't hold it dear to him. He can't find the sense of pride from it. He just feels the sorrow of letting the one person go. He looks to his night stand and opens the top drawer, the small keepsake box that had been left behind.
A letter was enclosed on top of it. It's the only she left behind. As it stated in the letter, it was too painful to keep. Too painful to remember, he should have burned them. Let them disappear in the fire he had did the first he was back at home to rid of bad feelings.
He should have, but he couldn't bring himself to do so.
Grabbing the box, he places it on the bed and opens it. Letters sit at the top but it's not what he is interested in as he reaches in to it.
It's the pictures of the last five years. It's the memories he needs to let go of. He needs to find peace and move on. Still somehow, he can't. He finds no peace in his decision. Despite his conscience telling him she deserves better. Y/N deserves better.
Chris runs his finger along the photo trying to remember the feel of her face. The feel of her hair and how he misses it being all over his pillow. He used to hate the hair. He found it everywhere and it drove him crazy. Only now, he wishes he had taken it for what it was and less for granted.
He wishes he had been willing to take more photos with her despite the amount in the box, but as he stares at the photo in front of him. He doesn't want to forget the memories. He will when he gets older. He finds who he was meant to be with even though he believes it was you. He will forget the memories and the name of Y/N will just be a name to him.
It won't hold a deep memory or meaning. It will fade with time and he will heal just as she will now. Maybe sooner if not now. It hurts to know that someone else will give her what he wishes he could have. He misses Y/N. He misses everything about her. As he looks through the photographs with tear filled eyes, he has to remember she deserves better.
He has to remember the memories as much as he can despite the hurt.
"Y/N, you deserve much better than me."
Chris sighs.
"I wish i never would have said it's over."
