Nine-Petalled Lotus |XICHENG| (Editing)

17 [The End Of The Lotus]

A day passed, and another, then another. His days were spent pondering over a continuous dream he had in those nights he spent sleeping under the influence of a sleeping drug. He couldn't say they were bad sleeps but they weren't the best either.

The dream started out innocent, soft and heartwarming. Beautiful. He was young back then, and lost in the middle of a field of rock formation. He didn't know how he got there, but he was there. Then he met another child, younger than him but certainly of more vigor and of more life and more characterized than he was.

A lotus among the sea of flowers, standing straight and proud despite looking fragile. He carried the sweet scent of lotus, and the bearing of a prideful youth. It was Lan Xichen's first time hearing such bluntness and straightforwardness from a seemingly soft-looking little bun. And though he had a sharp tongue for child, Lan Xichen found it quite cute and endearing.

They made a promise of brotherhood and grew up by each other's side. And he was once gifted a special gift, a priceless horse that the youth held very dearly, not because it was a breed of quality, but simply because he loved it. Lan Xichen had been at a loss, reluctant to receive it but he was happy, the happiest that Lan Xichen knew he ever felt, knowing that his value for the youth weighed just as heavy as the value of that youth to him. Yet it slowly faded away.

A battle followed in his next dream, leaving behind loss and ruins. The vigorous youth slowly morphed into a person of responsibilities at such a young age. And even Lan Xichen had to get his hands full. They drew a small distance between them, drawn by maturity and responsibility. They had to fight a war, there was no more time for childish play. But through the battle, their brotherhood acted as their sanctuary as they helped each other through thick and thin, just as it should be. Just as how they promised to be.

Then a war came last, destroying what little connection they both had and what little left of the innocence they both held on to. The youth in purple grew up, shrouding himself with the cold as he bathed in the blood of his deceased family.

Lan Xichen himself had taken the weight of his own kingdom after his father's death. And the two of them became leaders, burdened with the weight of reality. They were separated by circumstances and until Lan Xichen eventually fell ill. And when he lost those memories, he knew the string of hope holding them together snapped.

_

Lan Xichen needed air. Very much. The three days spent confining himself in his room to put the pieces of memories he gathered back was enough to suffocate him. So he went out for an aimless run with the stallion.

He'd gotten a full picture of his past but somehow, it felt like that wasn't all. It felt like some parts were cut out. He finally understood the guilt he felt, the regret, and the pain in his chest whenever he watched Jiang Wanyin- Jiang Cheng walk away. However there was still little to no explanation for the restlessness and hollowness as if he lost something very precious. It wasn't a loss that slipped from his fingers but a sense of loss as if someone died.

Jin Guangyao died, so did his father, and his mother, and a few other people close to him, he knew that, but his feelings for them were completely separated from the feelings he tried hard to contain and understand. He fell into another dead end after entering another path. And he's stuck, yet again.

The stallion stopped, pulling Lan Xichen from his thoughts and he found himself in a familiar path. He guided the horse without much thought and they trudged through a thick forest. They were met with the sound of running water as they went on and Lan Xichen's heart skipped a  beat.

A waterfall.

That was where they landed themselves to. And no, Lan Xichen recalled nothing of this place. It was just familiar, like he knew he came here before and maybe he did but that memory was part of the cut outs.