Nine-Petalled Lotus |XICHENG| (Editing)

16 [The Fall Of The Lotus]

He stood in the middle of an endless field, the sky white and bright, the air cool and light, and he was lost in an inner fight. Yet in that solemn battle against himself, he managed to find peace as he gazed at a faraway pond that had managed to lay itself amidst the massive white peonies. It was hidden and distant but it was there, laying gracefully and glimmering under the strong glow of the sky.

The air smelled of the strong scent of peonies, almost overbearingly fragrant but could nonetheless bring forth a smile, rooted from the very depths of a heart's happiness. His breathing was calm as he softly inhaled the somewhat cheerful scent.

Then the wind blew, taking with it a new scent that didn't belong to any of the peonies. It was sweet and faint, teasing the mind but spreading warmth in the heart. Warm but bittersweetly warm. His gaze found its way towards the pond with certainty and in a blink, he found himself kneeling over the edge.

He reached a hand and with a gentle smile, he cradled a purple lotus to his heart. It was warm.

Bittersweetly warm.

He held it tight as if afraid of losing it, almost strangling the poor thing, but his gentleness was never lost. And another bittersweet feeling welled up in his chest, bubbling until each bubbles bursted to the looming restlessness he tried to ignore.

This isn't enough.

With a bitter smile, he raised his head and watched with a pained gaze as the scenery of white peonies slowly morphed into something more empty. But they didn't die. They just disappeared into a void of nothingness. Slowly, one by one, closer.

Then he looked down and the petals of the lotus slowly came falling down. His grip on it tightened just as his chest tightened to the feeling of loss and regret. Yet his hold wasn't enough. It wasn't enough. Never enough.

Still, he held on to it, even as the last petal slowly fell along with the lone tear he didn't know he was holding back.

Then it was suddenly over.

Lan Xichen slowly rose from the bed with a heavy heart. The deep sense of restlessness that he had just started to familiarize slowly brew a mini storm. And this time, it was the feeling of loss that loomed more profoundly over him, lingering like the endless anxiety.

The feeling of losing something...

But just as yesterday proved him, and the other days before that, he had no way of clarifying whatever is in his heart and mind. The questions still remained as questions even if the dream he just had didn't fade away, for the first time, when he woke up. So as he usually did, he pushed them back in the corner of his mind and began yet another uneventful day.

He locked himself in his study for a number of hours, signing papers here and there, reading papers over and over and finally sending a letter of rescheduling to Lotus Pier.

He was made aware that the Jiang Kingdom's ruler will be having a busy week and intends to reject any meeting for the time being. So Lan Xichen scheduled right at the day after the said busy week. One week. He could wait. He was not really in a hurry. He'd rather have a thorough and uninterrupted meeting than an unfocused talk.

It was already noon when he finished a two day worth of paper works, surprisingly. However, it was what he dreaded to happen because like yesterday, leaving himself to his thoughts would be abandoning his sanity in the darkness.

Gathering a decision, he left the castle with his stallion. They ran through hills and meadows until a lone cliff entered his gaze, full of blooming white flowers that he knew were roses.