Nine-Petalled Lotus |XICHENG| (Editing)

11 [Two-Petalled Absence]

Lan Xichen stared at the remaining two petals of the lotus. His heart kept on twitching with a small sense of pain mixed with so much disappointment.

He picked up the fallen petal from last night which he had never bothered to check. Unlike any other day when the petals kept on falling and he remained nonchalant, trusting Jiang Cheng that they will grow back, this time around, he doesn't feel so passive anymore. Instead, bitterness swelled up in his chest.

I can't even take care of a lotus.

This type of failure hit him so much that it sounded like he's over reacting. Then again, no righteous person will not react the same way.

He placed the petal in the same book woth the rest of the other six petals, his movements elegant but slow and obviously gloomy.

The longer he stared at the dried petals, the more his thoughts drifted back to yesterday.

He's very disappointed in himself for giving in to his selfish desires, for acting foolish out of his hidden pains that the other party has no involvement of, for being so ungrateful and for even taking advantage of Jiang Cheng.

He knew he failed to give in to his self control last time.

It didn't help that his thoughts that time were completely parallel to that of his past that he had always been trying to forget yet remember at the same time. It wasn't right. It was so unfair. It was very wrong.

He must have been disgusted.

His solemn dark eyes drifted off out the big window, where the late sunrise is peeking inside whilst also creating quite a nice scenery outside. It made quite a huge contrast to the prince's darker mood. Lan Xichen's eyes roamed the sky before they travelled to the ground below. He spotted a very familiar horse figure on the grass not far from his window, soflty glowing gold under the ray of the sun.

Fairy clearly looked happy, wandering around and running every now and then. After all, the golden stallion rarely ever gets the privilege to get out of the royal stables if his master isn't going out the castle.

Watching the hyper horse, Lan Xichen can't help but feel even more bitter. He had just disappointed the first person Fairy ever liked.

If Fairy was here, he would have been huffing at the prince, to the point that one might think Lan Xichen knows the horse language.

It couldn't be helped if Fairy ever gets mad at him.

After all, Jiang Cheng, although cold and distant, still helped him in more ways than one. He has done it all without using Lan Xichen standing as a prince to ask for a thousands of things. He could have taken advantage of Lan Xichen but he chose to give up his 'life source' and let another person care for it.

He never asked for anything else. Just that.

It was too unfair if Lan Xichen asked for more. Trying to kiss him was asking for too much. He might have done it unconsciously, and not very intentional, it was still clear that he should have had more self control. Jiang Cheng was clearly upset and mad.

He knew having his wishes granted and flash out a few genuine smiles because of Jiang Cheng was already too much thus he knew he couldn't possibly use the same man to fill in the gap in his heart under the remnants of his past lover. No, that was too selfish.

But..

"Ah-Cheng..."

His self-awareness never allowed him to lie to himself. He knew that the way his heart throbbed at the thought of that man indicated his attraction.