Thantophobia

Chapter 21

I jolt awake, panting heavily.

I noticed that the sun was barely rising when I peered out the window.

I feel colder than usual, and I turn to see no one in the bed next to me. Ransom left.

He somehow managed to get me to fall asleep after our conversation last night, well technically, this morning.

I slowly get myself out of bed and walk to his kitchen, where I see my mate sitting at the table, just staring blankly into his cup of black coffee.

I carefully take a seat next to him at his table, and he eventually looks up.

"You don't need to explain anything yet. Nothing about your past or why you deal with the things you deal with, but I figured I should explain my side." He hesitantly speaks.

This piques my interest, and suddenly I'm way more awake than I was a few moments ago.

"I joined the army to get away from the foster system as soon as I could. It took a little bit to finally get to basic training, but when I did, I met a guy who made me come to terms with myself.

"His name was Esteban. He quickly became my best friend and it was rare if you ever saw us separated. I didn't realize or understood why I connected with him so much until we were finished with basic and we decided to move in together and be roommates. That's when he made a move on me and things changed.

"After a few years in the Army, we were both called to report to do a tour together. One day, my unit was patrolling an area, and a landmine was set off. The dogs didn't catch it for some reason, and Esteban was affected." Ransoms voice starts to falter, and I reach out with my hand and gently rest it on top of his, gently urging him to continue.

"Next thing I know I saw his body on some barbed wire a few yards away. I've been having moments and flashbacks ever since and they haven't gotten any worse or any better over the years. The only time I can really escape experiencing that moment over and over is to drink. The medication makes me feel like I'm constantly moving through water, so I barely take it." Ransom finishes, and I'm stunned to say the least.

This is why he denied being gay to me. He doesn't want to lose another person who get get close to him like Esteban.

I notice him staring at me. "Say something, please?"

I blink a few times, trying to find the right thing to say and to not fuck everything up.

"I'm not going to ever make you choose between me or him. I'm not going to tell you to ever stop loving him, or caring about him. You're my second chance as well, so all I can really ask of you is to do the same with me. We're in the same tricky situation and spot, and I'm not going to go around and make it any worse for you. I can promise that." I eventually speak up, and he gives me a tiny smile, lightening the serious tension in the room.

"Deer," he begins, but I cut him off.

"Deer?"

"That's my nickname for you. You ran out in the middle of the road in front of Jadens car like a Deer. So I'm calling you Deer. Anyways, like I was saying," he explains, and I chuckle. It's such a cheesy nickname but he's right, I did jump out in the middle of a road like a Deer.

"Deer, I would do so much to try and relive some good memories of the past. I don't have that option, but you do. I think that you should at least try to go back to where you came from." He carefully steps around his words, afraid to upset me at any given moment.

I pull my hand away from his, and take a deep breath. Is he really suggesting I go back to Ohio?

"Ransom..."