Thantophobia

Chapter 2

I was back, trapped in my worst memory.

It was always the same old nightmare. It never changed, always repeating itself, knowing, practically taunting me that I can't do anything about it.

It started as it usually does. Me shouting and yelling in frustration and disappointment at my mate.

"I had faith in you." I watch his face fall with heartbreak. "Goddess, I even married you! But it turns out that everyone else was right. You're nothing but a arrogant asshole."

The first flash.

An alpha, one of my old friends mates, was on top of my wolf, pinning me down and holding me there as I watch his gamma pounce on the only love of my life I had ever known.

I watched as his throat was torn out, and I could do nothing about it.

The second flash.

I was helplessly and desperately trying to stop the blood.

Oh goddess, there was so much blood. It still makes me sick to my stomach.

I cried and pleaded for him to keep his eyes open, and to focus on me. Trying to assure him that help would be on the way.

All he could do was wheeze at me, as I watched his life quite literally drain from his eyes. I managed to whisper one last thing to him before his hand fell from holding my arm.

"I'm so sorry."

He coughed and shook violently in my lap, before he eventually came to a still stop.

———

Gasping for air, I shot up out of my bed screaming, my face wet.

"No!" I hear myself shout.

Still gasping for air, I look around in a panic, and it took my eyes a moment to focus on my bedside table. I shakily reach out my arm and open the small drawer where my anxiety medication was.

I struggle to take off the cap on the orange prescription tube, but eventually I manage to finally open it and take out two pills.

Popping them in my mouth, I close my eyes as I dry swallow them down.

Now we wait for my breathing to regulate, and for my body to stop feeling like pins and needles are hitting every single part of my skin.

I look at the time. It's three am.

Well, guess I'm going into work early.

I groan as I put my head in my hands, and run them through my brown hair.

I was never able to fall asleep after this specific nightmare. It's like my body gets so shaken up from the stunt my mind pulls, and it can't relax to save its life.

Feeling the medication quickly take its affect, the pins and needles sensation I felt all over my body slowly disappeared.

Not feeling satisfied enough, I get out of bed and start a hot shower. That also relaxes me a little.

I'll do anything to just relax after I experience that memory over and over again. So midnight showers are common to me just like others sneaking out for a midnight snack.

I'm also going to need a few cups of coffee

———

I know I looked like a train wreck at work today. The stares my coworkers gave me were a dead giveaway as I walked in with giant and dark bags under my eyes, messy hair, and my fourth extra large cup of coffee, which has who knows how many sugar packs.

"Dear god Kyle, did you sleep last night?" Jaden comes up to me as I sit at my desk.

I take another sip of coffee, the buzz I see and hear intensifying just a little more.

"Not much." Was all I said.

Jaden narrowed his eyes at me, as he studied my body language.

Eventually his eyes widened as it clicked.

"It was another nightmare, huh?" He points at me.

I start anxiously bouncing my leg, and he takes the coffee out of my unstable hands.

I finally caved in. "Yes, it was another nightmare, alright? You happy?" I snap, quite rudely.

I also never had a good day following the nightmare. It usually meant bad luck for the next 24 hours.

"What has you having all these nightmares all the time, Kyle? It's genuinely concerning." He says quietly, only for me to really hear. There are other coworkers around us that we don't want eavesdropping on our more than private conversation.

"It doesn't matter. It's just a silly dream." I push away the subject, not wanting to talk about it anymore. What's in the past is in the past.

"Kyle, I've known you for six years, and you have nightmares constantly. You never tell me why. But you know I can help, right?" He says confidently.

Ha. If only he knew.

But I wasn't going to tell him. Or anybody, for that matter.

"I already have the help I need." I say, clearly irritated.

"Overusing anxiety medication and antidepressants is not the help you need." Jaden challenges. "You need to talk to someone."

"They're not happening as often. So it's fine, I don't need to talk to anyone." Run my hands through my messy hair.

"That's bullshit and we both know it. It's been happening consistently for six years, it's going to continue." Jaden throws away my cup of coffee, and I reach my hand out to protest that action, but he glares at me.

"As your boss, I'm sending you home for the day. You're not okay to work today." He crosses his arms over his chest.

"No! You can't do that!" I begin, and his glare sharpens. "Please, I need to get my mind off of last night, and the only way to do that is to keep busy and work," I plead. "I won't be able to catch up on sleep at home anyways, and you know this."

He stays silent for a moment, debating on whether to still send me home or not.

"I'll let you stay, but only if you go see a therapist sometime this week. I'm concerned about you, and I'm not about to let you hurt yourself more than you already have." He sternly explains.

I have no choice but to agree. "Fine. I'll even let you pick who I go to, and the date and time, if that helps you sleep at night." I mumble that last part reluctantly.

"This is to help you sleep better at night, not me dude." He smiles in satisfaction, and quickly leaves my desk to go do just that.

Oh hell, what have I gotten myself into?

———

(So, I cant decide if I want this story to be an mpreg or not. Thoughts? Opinions? What do you guys want?)