ToLoveMyBillionaire

13RoamFree

"Nothing, I just hope it's good. I have never made vegan food before", He said, walking back to me with a bowl of food and a plate of fruit.

"Thank you" I said, looking at the food and fruit. "I am just happy that you remembered, her stomach would have been messed up".

" of course. Yours has real cheese though, and a lot of it." I smiled slightly. I had an unreal love for cheese. That was something stagnant in my life.

I took a fork full of the food and shoved it into my mouth. A slight moan escaped, I loved food. I had not indulged in food in the past few years. I was an assassin again.

"Wow, this is really amazing" I said, enjoying the food that was gracing my taste buds. "Jace, this is meat..."

"Yeah, I made a different one for the two of us. I am not committed to her lifestyle, but I did get some groceries while you two were asleep for her." He told me sitting in the chair beside us.

When i finished eating and feeding her, we went back to the couch and watched a movie. I hadn't had this much time to chill and lounge around in a long time. I was thoroughly enjoying it.

When the subtitles started rolling Melanie was already asleep, sprawled out on me and the couch. Jace was also asleep. I scooped her into my arms and walked up the stairs to our room. I washed her face, neck, and changed her into her nighttime shirt and a fresh pamper. I was definitely going to have to start potty training her soon, but I knew how much effort and consistency. I was willing to put in the time and effort she needed in order to grow into an amazing young woman though. I was definitely going to need some parenting books though. I had no Idea how to raise a child, but I did know a few things not to. I changed into A big shirt after brushing my teeth and lay with Melanie. I woke up at some odd hour in the middle of the night and couldn't seem to force myself back into a slumber with a billion thoughts racing through my mind.

I really needed to open my mind and a few years ago, I would have cringed at the thought. Running... I walked into the closet and grabbed a sports bra, shirt, leggings, and shoes. I walked down the stairs and grabbed one of Jace's jackets from the stand by the door. I unlocked the door and walked onto the porch. Closing the door behind me, I walked down the stairs. I climbed over the gate and landed firmly on my feet. Sticking in my head phones, I started with slow strides to jog.

 This was when I let my mind roam free. I did it when I needed to release some tension. I should have done more, but I didn't take my mental health as seriously as I should. Can you spell TOXIC? I laughed to myself at the thought. Melanie, how do i raise this child? I wasn't raised properly... I know I did not want her to feel abandoned or alone, which is why I was not going to leave her with someone else. Or was I being selfish? Someone else could probably raise her a lot better than me. No, I would not throw her to someone I could not trust. Right now I only trusted Jace, which I could not leave her with him alone. I wanted her to grow up to be strong unlike me, confident, amazing, smart, multilingual, and so much more. I could not trust this to anyone, but myself. It was important to me that she grew up to be a strong, independent, emotionally stable woman and I was going to see to it that she lived up to her potential. I think I could learn to love her... maybe i already did? I did not know too much about love. I knew what I wanted and did not want for her. I wanted her to like me as a person and not to think that I left her to the wolves... I knew that if anyone tried to harm her that I would end them in the most gruesome way I knew how to. Why couldn't I bring myself to feel this way about myself? Why didn't I love myself? Why didn't I want the same things for myself? Once upon a time, I did, What changed in me? I wish I could pinpoint every emotion in my body... Where it came from, why i felt that way, how to fix it, how to prevent it, but i couldn't. Could I raise her before I worked on myself? Would this little girl save me before I could even begin to give her valuable life lessons?