The Void Between Hearts ~~ongoing~~

34. Ivan

The void between ends. . .
Now you draw the curtains.
The memories you have, sting.
Nothing soothes.
I'd advise that you take the time to remember, take time with ease,
You just might find a beginning.
~◇~◇~

I wake up to my phone singing, blow my mind, Chris brown ft. Davido.

"Hello," she whispers,

I sit up, "good morning ma."

"Ivan?"

"Yes ma, it's me."

"Good morning darling. I wanted to tell you that Boma is awake." I feel another knot tie itself in my bowels.

"So can I start coming? Would I be able to see her?"

"Yes, Private ward seven." She replies.

"Is she there with you?"

"I'm in the bathroom now. I don't want her getting worked up."

"alright, I'm on my way. Thank you ma."

"Okay dear." She hangs up.

My head drops in my hands, followed by a deep sigh. I look across the hotel room from the bed. The sleeping pills and dry gin I bought yesterday are still on the table. I couldn't do it.

Since my father died and we moved away, I've always thought about suicide. I researched about it, watched stories about it, once in Ss2, I tried to slit my wrist in the dorm but my roommates never left the room. I've thought of taking a jump off a bridge, but it'll be messy. At some point, I thought drowning was the way, but they say it burns too much. For months now, I've known that if I was ever going to do it, the pills-alchohol overdose was the quickest, least painful, least messy option. So I took my first step yesterday.

Maybe she'll understand.
Maybe she'll forgive me.

Ding! "Room service."

I walk over to the door and open it, "Best of the morning sir." He says, "I have to tidy your room."

What if she doesn't want to see me?
Maybe she won't remember what happened.
I can't take advantage of that.

"Sir?"

"Sorry. Clean. Right?"

"Yes."

" uhmm I won't be needing that."

"Are you okay man?" The cleaner's brows pique.

I wear a smile, "I'm fine, thanks." I close the door.

She hates me already.
God.
Ivan, why didn't you tell her?

"Boma, please forgive me." I whisper.

In the shower, it feels as if my thoughts are trying to drown me. I step out and dry off before wearing my suit again. I remember yesterday, I've messed up so bad, my hand, the fight, Tosin. I'll try again today, one last time. I'll try to make it work, I'll fix it.

I pick my phone, key and debit card before leaving the room. The cleaner steps out from the adjacent room, he's watching me, I can tell.

Mike's voice stops me in my tracks, "Lady, the young man was here. We traced his vehicle to this hotel and as we speak, it's parked right outside. This young man is extremely important and you need to tell us the room number now." I peek and I see him and Deji interrogating the receptionist.

"Sir, I'm really sorry but I'm not permitted to give out such information. You'll have to speak with our manager. His office is on the last floor. Thank you." She says, visibly frightened.