The Void Between Hearts ~~ongoing~~

THE CALL

𝗜𝗩𝗔𝗡

Accompanied by low grumbling, and occasional lightning, echoes of a thousand drops beat the wet ground, forming puddles in the footprints on the mushy red mud. Cemeteries are synonymous with grey clouds and today a black cloud is over me, beating the little courage I have tried to muster all day to stupor.

Everything seems still, although I'm convinced the tree overhead is moving in slow motion. My fists squeeze, and my eyes close as you consume my thoughts again for the millionth time since I last saw you. Every detail I memorised, my mind replays, your voice, I swear I hear you say "Ivan." Couldn't have been my imagination.

The rain-drops that fall on my face tastes like tears. Chinny is completely broken, it makes me sick seeing her this way, I don't know how to help her heal, I need help too, your help. She buries her face in the coat of my ridiculous red suit, watching these men bury you under heap after heap of clay.

They don't know that inside the pretty white box they're covering lies the lips I kissed, the smile I lived for, the eyes that showed me the world, the heart that beat for me when mine gave up. They only know that you have to rest now, because we're finally six-feet apart.

Your mother was here a while ago, I don't think she will recover from this.
Tosin didn't attend, he feels too guilty, but I know you have forgiven him, only hearts as sweet as yours hold such power.

Everyone hated the eulogy I wrote, they couldn't hold back their tears, maybe it wasn't the eulogy, just the fact that this is very very sad. I cried too, and you would have laughed your eyes off if you saw me. Maybe you saw me, it was me who couldn't see you.

You know, I've come to the conclusion that we should have kissed more, we should have held more, we should have explored all those places we held back from. Now I wish we went the distance and never looked back.

When you said we have now become one, I know it's supposed to make sense, but that's not how I feel, I feel alone. All alone and this life isn't worth living if we have to be on different sides of it. I wish it was me being buried, because then I wouldn't feel this cold, empty vacuum. I wouldn't have to think of what I'd do when I drive past the mall, the park... You're everywhere here. Even if I go on to New York, I'll still find you everywhere.

Dr. Okosi said it's for the best that you left, that time is a variable, death is not absolute and love is the only constant thing between two worlds, your new one and this one you left me in. She said I should live for both of us. Yes she visited, no it doesn't make the pain better. Nothing does, nothing ever will.

Boma, I'm still dying without you.

••••

I force my eyes open. Just then my phone rings, Boma, the time is 4am. My heart stops beating. It wasn't real.

"Hello, Ivan," it's her mother, "umm..."

"Good morning, ma."

"Yeah, good morning... Umm, it's Boma–"

"Is she okay? What happened?"

"She's been crying for hours on end..."

I let out the breath pent up in my chest as my body relaxes.

"She won't talk to me or anything and her heart rate is climbing fast. Can you come over please? I think you..." her voice breaks and I can hear her fighting tears. "You really don't have to because it's so early and she really isn't your burden and you're still just a child and–"

"Ma I-"

"I'm so sorry, I'm just so scared, I don't know how else to help her." Hearing her cry always breaks me to pieces.

Why do good people suffer?

"I'm on my way."

"Okay," she sobs, "thank you."

"Yeah, no problem I'll be there soon." I say, forcing my voice to come out strong.

When she hangs up, my face drops into my hands, I rally all the faith I have left to say a prayer, God please.

An email notification appears, "Urgent!" from Dr. Salvadore, I open it.

"Mom!" I dash out of my bedroom towards hers, I'm not wasting a second.