Fall Part 1: Let Him Go

Hurt?

After what happened, James is still dating Vanessa. Well, despite of that, we still have time to see and talk to each other. We decided to go to arcade every Friday after class like what used to do before as Vanessa is not interested with stuff like that. Every Saturday, I accompany him on his practice in soccer as he taught me how to play two years from now.

"So, how is my best friend on courting the popular girl in school?" I asked him while we were playing in the arcade.

"That my friend is my problem right now." What? He is still not courting her?\

"A problem? You like her and you date so many times dude but you are still not courting her? You're a gay." I tease him.

"Not that easy dude, she is the most popular girl at school, I might get busted." he complained.

"Dude, she is just popular, she's not smart and I don't even find her pretty. You have everything. You know what, if you like a girl, tell her straight away. I though you get what you what you want." That shuts him up.

He was still quiet until we got home. I thought what I told him was too much. "Look, I didn't say that Vanessa is ugly or something, I just don't like her but it's not my business anymore if you are with her. If you like her, then there's nothing wrong if you court her." I went outside the car, "Dude, thank you" he said and I went to the house already.

"Where are you from?" Jesus, I forgot to tell Grandma.

"I was with James, we went to the arcade." I explained to her.

"You often spend your time with James." really? You are asking me that question?

"What's wrong with that Grandma? He is my best friend."

"Yes he is. And I'm afraid that it might hurt a lot when he is not anymore." I know where this conversation is going.

"I know what you're thinking Grandma, and please, stop telling me that this can't work." I went upstairs.

There are days when I don't have the chance to see James. And I understand him, as he was busy courting Vanessa. Sometimes, he was asking me for help and I really find that funny. We only talk through call since we can't find time to see each other.

Until one day, he was so excited to go to my house to bring his good news.

"She said yes" he happily informed me. I was so shocked. He hugged me tightly. This is the first time that I saw him so happy. It is priceless.

"Really?" I am happy for him.

"It is all worth it. Like I always buy her flowers and chocolates and just like that." he said happily. "Actually I am going to see her now and I decided to go here first."

"Oh, you must go. You should never let your girlfriend wait dude." and after hugging, he drove away, away from me.

Why does it hurt? I must be happy for him. I went inside and found Grandma looking at me.

"What?" I ask her while she was giving me the 'are you okay?' look.

"He has someone that is greater than you right now and you are not happy with that." she said like she was reading my mind.

"What are you saying grandma? I'm happy for him. In fact, I helped him in courting that girl." I told her trying to sound convincing. I can feel a heavy weight of water inside my eyes and I don't know where it came from.

"Really my dear. You are too young and too dense that you don't even know what you feel." she is starting her sermon.

"Whatever Grandma, I'm tired." I went upstairs and straight to my bathroom.

What the hell Chanel? Why are you hurting? You must be happy right? Vanessa did not dumped him. And whenever he is happy, I must be too. You are just shocked. Iwashed my face and look at the mirror.

Why am I feeling like this? Instead of being happy, I feel irritated. Maybe because I don't like Vanessa. Or I'm just afraid. Yeah, just like that nothing more.