All She Wanted Was Love 2

6.1: Intuition

"I had so much built up pain, anger, sadness, resentfulness, regret, and everything else just bottled up sitting on my shoulders like boulders and squeezing my heart like a ton of bricks. I was in my head more days than most. I was walking around in a shell pretty much living life on auto pilot. I wasn't me and I didn't want to be like that anymore. I didn't want to fester on how fucked up life was with him or how he fucked me over and I owed it to myself to let it go. Some shit isn't worth holding on to and can cause you more harm than good. I didn't want to be one of those bitter black mad ass women who missed out on something beautiful" she admitted filling them in on her reasons why she was able to accept Chris in her life again. "I had to take control of my life and I wanted my life back. I had to accept that I was part the blame. Niggas only do what you allow"

"That's so true. If you sit there and let them run all over you they will keep doing as they please and take advantage of you" Ebony agreed. Many women often went through this cycle for so-called love but love just isn't enough.

"Exactly...I honestly think me forgiving Chris was good for the both of us. It's helped the both of us out. For me I'm not in my head thinking bout shit I shouldn't like asking myself what I had done. What could I have done? Why didn't I leave sooner or would Jr be here? For Chris he's more conscientious of what he's doing, how he moves, and who he moves with. He's shown some growth. But I'm pretty positive that he's still working on his demons and dealing with what he's done. He's done a lot and missed out on a lot so he values certain things differently these days" April stopped and took a few sips of her drink and leaned back getting comfortable.

"I knew that I had been needed to speak my peace with him and when I got with Papi it was no way in hell that I could pursue him the way I wanted to without talking to and forgiving Chris. I didn't want to bring any of that into our relationship. Sure I may have brought Chris into our life now by having Charlie so we have to see a lot more of Chris but he honestly knows his place and it was never on purpose. Let alone I didn't even think Papi and I would be together. I thought if and when we linked back up it would've been years from now. I didn't want to look at Papi sideways, have trust issues, wanting to check his phone, or anything else so I forgave Chris because I had to. If I didn't I'd a still be a mental wreck, in my feelings, stuck in my head, a black heart with band aids on it not giving anyone a chance, wearing myself down, still in my closet crying alone about my child amongst other things. I would've missed out on all this loving and my blessings" April spoke truthfully.

Ebony and Alaina let April vent. Ebony had opened the book, turned the page, and now she had no choice but to continue on and read well listen. Sure she had told Chris how she had felt, Alaina and Hazel knew a little something, but this was her truth and it felt like she really needed to let her sisters all the way in and give them the real instead of giving them the PG version and dulling it down.

"You strip away everything bad that I went through with Chris and go back to when we were just friends then you see Christopher. Goofy, silly ass, always stay with the jokes Chris. He's a loveable guy and besides his fuckery he's actually a great friend but like I said I make this shit look easy" April said and sighed. Some days it was a struggle to deal with him and some days it was cool but she'd take the good over the bad any day.

"Being with Papi and seeing how he loves and cares for me flaws and all. The way he makes me feel like I'm his one and only person like I'm the only person in his world. The way he makes me feel beautiful inside and out and the way he makes me feel like a priority. I don't have time to worry or even care bout all the fuck shit that Chris has done to me when I have a man that loves me to the moon and back. He knows when shit isn't right. He sees me and sees through me. He wants what's best for me. He wants to build, provide, and do everything a real man wants to do for his woman even when he knows I'm capable without him. That man is my king and everyday he lets me know that I'm his queen" April said and cheesed.