insecure// a Nick Austin fanfic

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I woke up. Another day. Today Anthony wants me to come over to Sway. I've met his friends before but Anthony said that they want to film a video with me. I go to the bathroom and turn on the lights I look in the mirror. Ew. There's so much fat. Disgusting I'm disgusting. I turn the lights off and take a shower. I get dressed and do my makeup.

^her outfit
I grab some chapstick and then I drive to Sway. I arrive and I just walk in. "Ant! I'm here!" Anthony comes running downstairs. "Good your here!" "You asked me to come over whats up?" "So Jaden found the clip of you singing and he sent it to xtalent..." "WHAT!" "Wait it's a good thing. They want to sign you.." "Anthony you know how I feel about singing in new people."

^her car

"Okay you can go into a room by your self but you have to sing in front of someone you've never met before." "Ant I've met all of Sway already." "I know that's why we brought some one new come on he's in Joshs room." Me and Anthony go up stairs and go into Joshes room. As soon as I enter I feel all eyes on me and immediately feel insecure. "Okay so this is Nick." Anthony says. "Hi I'm Juliet."

We shake hands and then everyone leaves. Before Anthony walks out he tells Nick something that clearly intimidated him. I could tell by his body language. Anthony leaves and closes the door. "So Anthony told me that in order for you to get slightly over your stage fright to sing in front of me." "Yeah uh I'll uh put on the intrumental." I connect my phone to the TV and I played the intrumental to Sorry not Sorry by Demi Lavato. I then started singing it.

Now I'm out here looking like revenge
Feelin like a ten the best I ever been
And yeah I know how much it must hurt
To see me like this but it gets worse

•AFTER THE SONG•
"See Anthony is over reacting. I suck." "Are you kidding me? That was amazing! You have to make music! With a talent like that!" "I dont think I am." "Why?" "Musicians have to be creative and wear like tight fitting clothing and I just- I know I can't do that." "Well I think you have amazing talent you should come by the Hype House sometime. Here's my number I'll text you." Nick hands me a sticky note with his number on it. "I'll call you." Then Nick walks out. I sit down and start feeling self conscious. My face when I sing is hideous. Oh god. Then the door opened and it was Bryce. "Hey you want anything we're post mating something." "No I'm gonna go home." "Okay." I get up and walk out of the room. I was about to walk out the door when Anthony grabbed my wrist. "Juliet have you eaten today?" "Yeah."

I lied truth is I haven't eaten in 3 days.Anthony gave me a look like 'really?'. "I don't trust you I'm getting you something." "I'm not hungry Anthony." "Your not leaving until I've seen you eat something." I roll my eyes and sit down on the couch. Soon everyone came down stairs and we all goofed and joked around. I was having a lot of fun. Then the food arrived. Everyone dug in. I just kinda played with my food. Nobody really paid attention except Anthony. When everyone was distracted and Anthony came over to me. "I'm serious eat something now." I roll my eyes and take a bite. Anthony motions for me to eat more so I take another bite. "Seriously Jules eat all of it." I roll my eyes. I slowly eat it Anthony making sure I do after I take my last bite I go home.

As soon as I get home I go to the bathroom I take my index and middle finger and force them down my throat until I throw up. I throw up all the food and look in the mirror I start crying. I've been like this for so long I can barely feel anything. I walk over to my bed and grab a box from underneath my bed. I take the box and bring it to my bathroom. I open it and grab my razor. I turn the light on and strip down into my underwear I take the razor and press it against my stomach. I cut deep into my skin and do it again and again and again. I put the razor down and watch the blood trickle down. I grab a little towel and wipe the blood off and then clean the wounds. I remember when I first did it my cousin Leila found out and told me she did it to. She taught me how to properly clean it.

She killed her self about 3 years ago. I miss her but I understand why she did it. I then put on my clothes and cry myself to sleep. I woke up around 2 in the morning. I laid in bed and stared at the wall for a little. Then I went onto my phone and saw a tweet from Anthony.

anthony :)
it sucks not being able to help sumone u love :(

I sigh Anthony doesn't know about me doing self harm. If he found out he would watch me like a hawk. I go back to sleep or at least I try.