~¿i'M sOrRy¿~

~?tHiCkEr ThEn BlOoD?~

My body shot up as my hands went to my chest, clutching my heart. I was hot and sweaty, was last night just a dream? God I hope it was. I looked down and saw I was wearing a black shirt and grey sweats. Nope, last night wasn't a dream, i really sid that. I need to take a shower and apologize to them for it.

I walked to my bathroom and stripped myself of the clean clothes before starting a warm shower. I stepped in and let the water run off of me and into the drain, the blood falling soon after. I washed my hair and rinsed it before starting on my body. I stepped out of the shower and dried my body off an dgot some new clothes.

It was only a white shirt and black sweat pants, I walked downstairs as I hanged my head low. Dad and papa are sitting together on the couch while the news is playing. "D-dad, I'm sorry...." dad and papa glances over to me. I could feel the staring into my soul as I shifted under their gaze.

"Its okay buddy, you cant help it and it's not your fault." Dad said as he sent me a smile, I nodded and went back up to my room. I dont think I can be around them or anybody right now, I know they say they aren't mad hut I cant help but to feel they are. I feel so guilty, first kachan and now a poor defenseless cat? I'm such a bad person, I need pain.

I closed and locked my door before grabbing a razor from my bathroom counter. I started cutting at my wrists as the pain and guilt left my body. Blood flowed out of the cuts, I didnt cut to deep but not shallow, I dont deserve shallow cuts.

Blood dripped to the cold bathroom floor as I continued on with the cutting, I silently sobbed as the pain and guilt came back to my body. I balled up my fists and released them before continuing to make more cuts.

So many, too many to count for right now. I'll count them later when I can see them when there is no blood everywhere. Blood dripped to the floor, making a small puddle near my feet. Its deep red color sparking me with energy to hurt myself some more. Everything in my body was telling me to continue with hurting myself but I couldnt.

My hands shook as the razor fell the ground with a small tink that seemed to echo through the silent bathroom. I started to hyperventilate as creatures surrounded me, their voices echoing against the tile walls. "Why wont they leave me alone!" I whisper shouted.

I clutched my head in my hands as the voices became to loud for me, I screamed as the voices suddenly stopped but were replaced with hasty knocks on my bedroom door. I sobbed as the creatures surrounded me, their voices hurting my ears.

I didnt even hear my bedroom door burst open as I screamed from the immense pain that bounced off of the walls. I didnt lock the bathroom door so it flew open to reveal a scared and worried dad and papa. "THE VOICES!" I screamed as they rushed over to me, removing my hands from my ears and stopping me from banging my head against the counter.

I let out deep breaths as I was stood up and my bloody wrists were ran under the cold water. I could hear sobbing that wasnt my own, maybe papa? He is emotional. I stopped sobbing as they bandaged my arms and picked me up bridal style. I was being taken to my bed where dad laid with me, papa cleaning up the blood in the bathroom.

I looked up to see a crying dad, he was sobbing as he cuddled me in his arms. Papa soon joined us in the cuddle bunch as he laid on the other side of me, his hand holding dads. I let myself relax as the voices and creatures faded into nothing.

"Why zuzu?" "I-i.....it was my fault...I keep hurting people I love..." I told papa, "that doesnt mean you hurt yourself Zuzu, how about we go and see hounddog in a few days..okay?" I only nodded as dads grip tightened on me.

"You worry me kiddo, dont do that again....please..." "i-im sorry, I thought it would help....but it only made you sad.." I whispered. "I did that too once, trust me it doesnt help with anything." Dad said through shaky breaths as he opened his eyes to look at me.

"So dont do it again, I dont want to find you hurt like that again....i love you too much for that....." he whispered as papa agreed with him. "I-I love you too..." I whispered as my eyes slowly fell close as I fell asleep in my family's arms.

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Edited: April 29, 2020