SNL 2020

The Biggest Jerk pt2

I closed my eyes as I listen to Xiao explain why my decision to lie is devastating for him.

Xiao: (tone breaking) I mean, I am not excusing my lie but I knew then that if I reveal the truth, people will get hurt. You will get hurt Meng. But this is an engagement. Who, from the people who love him, will get angry at Dayu for being engaged to his boyfriend of four years? Who won't be happy for them? I don't understand. I really don't. He already saw me made that mistake, why would he do it too? And to Auntie and Uncle...argh!

Xiao pressed a palm on his eyes to cover his tears. Meng look down, he seems lost. I don't know what to do as well.

Xiao: (sniffing) What should we do with our Dayu now? What?

That finally broke the dam for me. I started crying too. I grabbed a pillow to put it against my face so I can muffle my sobs.

Xiao is angry at me yet he still thinks about my welfare. That's the kind of person he is. That's the kind of friend he is. Xiao deserves better than me lying to him. Meng deserves more than another friend lying to him.

I don't deserve them both.

Meng: (frustrated) Stop crying! The two of you! Crying won't help us! Fuck!

Us. For my friends, it's still us. Not me. Not them. Still us. We are in this together and they are not abandoning me. How did I deserve them?

I put the pillow down when the door in our room opened and Qing came in with a glass of water in hand. When he saw me crying, he puts that glass down so he can climb on the bed to hug me.

Meng: (seeing Qing hugging me) Ah great, we don't have to worry about Dayu. He got Qing to comfort him.

Xiao: (flinching) Fuck them both!

Xiao moved to get out of Meng's car again. Meng sighed heavily.

Meng: Excuse me as I do my duty as the middle man in this mess.

Meng left the view as well when he got out of the car to, I think, talk to Xiao. I remained in Qing's arms. He helped me drink water so I can calm down.

Qing: (rubbing my back as he kissed my temple) Calm down. An episode of panic attack won't help you and your friends. You need to calm down so you can think. Breathe with me.

I breathed with Qing. I followed the steady rhythym of his breathing. I already feel tired. I want to just go to sleep and not get out of the bed for days.

But spiraling down to sadnessville won't help me make it up to the people who matters to me. To Xiao and Meng.

My bestfriends got back to the car. We are all somewhat calmer. Qing went out of our room again to give me privacy with my friends. Meng turned the device they are using to focus on him. Xiao is now hidden from me.

Meng: We decided that Xiao won't be talking to you until you told your parents about your engagement. We are not happy that you chose to talk to us first, Dayu ah. We are not flattered. We are not pleased. You should have talked to Auntie and Uncle first.

Me: I know. I just...I know talking to them won't be easy. Mama and I will be pools of mess about this. I thought I will cut my teeth on you two. Practice a bit...

Meng: Oh, so we serve as your practice session before the real thing. I see. Fuck you, Feng Jian Yu. You sure know how to make people feel used.

Me: (sniffing) I am a horrible person, I know.

Meng: (looking at Xiao who was hidden from
my view) Xiao agrees with you. Yes, you are a horrible person.

Me: Is he very angry? Like...what level? On a scale of one being that he is only pissed to ten being that he wants to bury me on the ground...where is he?

Meng: (looking at Xiao again) He is writing things on his phone...ah...he is at 20. He wants to "bury you alive on the ground and dance on top of your grave" angry.

Yikes!

Me: He is very angry then. How about you?

Meng: (giving me an intent look) I'll be dancing with Xiao...but I will bring beers too. It will be a party on top of your grave, Feng Jian Yu.

Yikes again!

Me: Okay. But...just a head up and a request, don't be angry at LiPin. She knows about it.

The screen suddenly moved and Xiao was visible again.

Xiao: WHAT?! LIPIN KNOWS AND WE DIDN'T?! WHAT?!

Me: (suddenly feeling better) Oh look! He is talking to me again!

Xiao: Fuck you, Feng Jian Yu! I will dance on top of your grave and piss at it as well! I might even take a dump there! How dare you...does LiPin really knows?! Why?! How?!

Me: (nodding) She knows. I made her sign a legal NDA so she won't talk.

Meng wrestled the device from Xiao.

Meng: An NDA? That's too much. (sighing) I guess you never gave her any choice eh.

Me: (nodding) I didn't. So she's not at fault here. Okay?

Meng: She is safe. We have a bigger Dayu to fry.

Me: (wincing) I will go there to talk to my parents. I will do it personally and not like this. I'm sorry again...

Meng: Yeah. That's great. That's one positive first step. Show your face to your parents and kneel...okay? Kneel and ask for forgiveness. If Auntie cries, which she will, it will be game over for you, Dayu. We will not forgive you until Auntie does. And if Uncle decided punch you and Qing, tell him to call us so we can hold the two of you so Uncle can do his worse.

Me: My Baba won't do that. He is violent.

Meng: Fine! Then if he decided to hire someone to punch you and Qing because he is not violent...tell him Xiao and I are available. We will be his hitmen.

My friends are truly sweet to my parents.

Me: (nodding) I will tell him. But guys...be easy on Qing...okay?

Xiao: (from the side) Fuck that! We will not be easy on that other jerk!

That made me smile. My friends are mad at Qing. I find that cute somehow. I am weird.

Meng: (eyes widening) Oh! He is smiling, Xiao! He is smiling! He had the gall to smile...wow!

Xiao: Lets start digging that grave! Damn him! End that call already Meng! End it! I don't want to listen to that jerk anymore! He is the biggest jerk alive right now.

Me: (kept on smiling) Okay. Bye. I will see you two soon. Sorry again. I love you.

Meng: We hate you! Stop acting like a martyr, you are the villain here. Fuck! Bye!

The video call has ended abruptly like that. I stayed sitting on our bed, staring at the screen of my IPad for minutes. My mind busy thinking about my friends. What we experienced together while growing up. How we have been there for each other through thick and thin. How we will go from here.

I only woke up from mussing when Qing came into our room again, phone in hand. It seems like he opened his phone again and made a call to a person on his own list.

Qing and I have different set of listed names, of course. We still do some things separately and that's healthy in a relationship. Believe me, you won't want sharing every single thing and moment with your other half. Having to do things on your own is still wonderful.

Qing: (looking resigned) We have a dinner date with Zhu gege and Pau tonight.

Me: (wincing) That bad?

Qing: (nodding) Brace yourself.

I climbed off the bed to come to him. I hugged Qing's middle and pressed my face on his collarbone.

Me: We will be fine. We are together.

Qing: (hugging me back) I never doubted that.

The lists we made are short but the people in those lists won't make this easy on us. Qing and I are bracing for war.