The Ink That Brands Us ✔️

Chapter Nineteen

The rest of Saturday went without incident, but when Sunday rolled around my nerves were on end. I begged Saw to hang out with me. To go shopping or to do whatever she wanted to do because I had to get out of the house. There was no way I would be able to spend the day with Jensen. Things were still just too awkward. Saw was a little suspicious, but kept me busy the entire day.

I never heard from Jensen.

On Monday morning I was running late and rushing around the apartment trying to find all of my school books. I felt like crap from the lack of sleep I had gotten the night before. I hadn't even bothered to try when I was getting ready for school. I wasn't sure I cared if I looked okay.

I rushed out the door almost knocking Saw to the ground. She had been standing outside my door with an arm raised, ready to knock. Grabbing her raised arm, I pulled her along behind me towards the parking lot.

"I don't mean to be rude, babe, but you look like shit," she commented as we stopped at my car.

"I slept like shit last night and can't seem to find my care this morning," I sighed. She arched an eyebrow at me. "What?"

"You gonna tell me what's going on?" she asked as we pulled out of the parking lot and headed for the school.

"What do you mean?" I was playing dumb. I did not want to talk about this.

"Don't play stupid. You've spent the whole day with Alex Saturday which is a friggin' miracle and then you insisted that we spend the whole day together Sunday when we both know that Sunday is Roommate day. I'm not blind. You're avoiding Jensen and I want to know why." Damn her. She was too smart for her own good.

Once we were parked at the school, I turned in my seat to look at her, but no words came out. I didn't know what to say or where to start. I was so ashamed and didn't want her to judge me.

"I don't want to talk about it." Was what I settled on.

"Is it that bad?" she asked and I could see she was concerned.

"No," I said, frustrated. "It's just a mess. One big fucking mess."

She didn't say anything and I knew she was waiting me out. The longer she stared at me the more I wanted to spill. I wanted to tell someone. I needed to get it off my chest or it was going to eat me alive.

"I cheated on Alex." It came out in a rush and I covered my face with my hands.

God the shame.

"Okay," she said slowly taking it in. "What does that have to do with you avoiding Jensen." I peeked through my fingers at her and waited. It didn't take long for her to figure it out. "Oh. Oh! You and Jensen?"

"I am the worst girlfriend. I mean it's bad enough I'm not as interested in Alex as I should be, but then I cheat on him. And with Jensen of all people!" I wanted to crawl into a hole and hide. 

"You made a mistake. We all do, but sweetie, if you're not that interested in him you need to break up with him. Plus, if you're with Jensen now why did you spend the day with Alex yesterday?" She looked confused.

"Nothing has changed between Jensen and me. It was a mistake and meant nothing." I tried not to dwell on that fact. "Plus, I'm still with Alex."

"What do you mean it meant nothing?" If anything she looked more confused.

"His words. He made it perfectly clear." The words came out in a huff and I hated how much they affected me.

God, but I wanted it to mean something.