Pen and Paper: Poetry & Prose (2020)

the toxic personality

Happy.

H, A, P, P, 

why does my room feel so dark and empty?

I never leave it dirty

I always make sure to clean

keep the floor pristine

sweep the dust into the bin

but then I forget that happy

H, A, P, P, 

why are my eyes bruised in the morning?

the daylight must be bad for my skin.

I make sure to take my vitamins.

make sure to close my curtains.

make sure to remind me that happy

H, A, P, P,

why do I feel like running in circles?

running through walls,

running in cycles.

I can not seem to outrun.

I am not athletic.

I am a bomb and I tick, tick, tick.

my story feels tragic

I only ever want the happy

H, A, P, P,

why does this keep on happening?

I laugh at the perfect comedy.

I am not a comedian.

I am still the kid you left hanging

when I dialed the telephone

the sound of the ring, ring, ring

and the anticipation in between

and the sinking feeling that the no response

was the response

my chest cracked from the wring, wring, wring

but my heart keeps going,

toward what I believe was happy

H, A, P, P, 

why the hell am I here again?

- the toxic personality