"Are sure that dumping whales into a dumpster is good idea?" Ellen closed the dumpster in a dark alley and looked at Y/N who was checking something on his phone "Do you even listen to what I say?"
"Holy sh*t!" Y/N suddenly exclaimed.
"What is it? Another girl joined your harem?" Ellen sighed "Give her my condolences when you meet her"
"The author updated!"
"What...?" Ellen raised an eyebrow "Is that an insider joke or something?"
"Nah, you want to hear a joke?" Y/N hid his phone into pocket.
"Just get over with it" She rolled her eyes.
"Men" Y/N said and awkward silence started.
"Is... That it?" Ellen asked "I don't have time for messing around"
"Yup, that's it" Y/N smirked.
"Then I don't get it..." Ellen suddenly realised the joke "YOU SON OF A-"
Phone ringtone coming from her pocket cut her of and she quickly pulled it out and answered the call.
"I see... Understood, I'll be on my way" Ellen face became serious during the short call "Listen, today we're allies, but tomorrow we can be enemy. So stay away from my daughter"
"Let me guess, there is some kind of evil plan going on right now" Y/N sighed "Can you tell your crush to postpone it for some time? I'm kinda busy with... erm... friends"
"We will see if you still have that smile on your face tomorrow" Ellen walked away and suddenly disappeared.
'Something is wrong...' Y/N started pondering 'Did she stole my money without me noticing, or got the steal money and disappear idea backwards?'
His phone started to ring and he quickly pulled it out, the caller was named as Flat Bench
"Yolo?" He answered the call.
"Y/N!" Kotori shouted into his ear "We have emergency!"
"Let me guess, you got first period but you're too embarrassed to buy a tampon or ask your sister?" Y/N joked.
"Shut. The. Fuck. Up" Kotori slowly said with voice filled with venom
"DEM is pulling something that endanger whole city or country?"
"You know the situation or was that a random guess?"
"I was doing... stuff with Ellen, that soyboy secretary"
"I'm recording this for future blackmail..." Kotori threaten him "...Unless you do what I say"
"No problem, let me just publish this video showing you masturbating to genderbend Justin Bimber really quick..."
Kotori suddenly hung up.
'I guess that was too traumatizing to her...' Y/N shrugged his arms with a smile and started walking towards the street, but his phone rang again.
"If you tell about this to anyone..." Kotori whispered with cold voice filled with cold anger "...I'll end your life even if I die myself"
"If you just told me that you're a lesbian I would share your sister wi--"
"SHUT UP!" Kotori shouted "I'm not a lesbian!"
"Well, your browser history is saying something else" Y/N said with teasing voice.
"How do you know my browser history?!"
"A wizard always finds a way to stick his wand into things he isn't supposed to" Y/N joked "Anyway, what's the problem"
"DEM kidnapped Tohka and keep her inside a secret laboratory!" Kotori briefly explained "I'll send you location soon"
"You mean that super secret laboratory under super secret DEM HQ in middle of a city that everyone knows about?" Y/N casually said "No problems, just say the magic word!"
"SUCK MY BIG, FAT C*CK YOU DIRTY PIECE OF SH*T!" Kotori finally had enough and bursted out with anger "IF YOU DON'T GO IN THERE AND GET THE SH*T DONE, I'M GOING TO RAPE YOUR MOTHER, GRANDMOTHER AND GREAT GRANDMOTHER, THEN I'LL BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN WITH LEMONADE AND MAKE YOU WATCH ALL OF IT!"
"Aren't we living in the same house and I come from another dimension that people don't access to?" Y/N calmly pointed out.
"WHAT THE F*CK YOU WANT FROM ME?! YOU HAVE MONEY, YOU HAVE MY SISTER AND EVERYONE IN THE DAMNED HOUSE IN YOUR HAREM, WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT?! YOU WANT AN UNDERAGE GIRL TO SLEEP WITH YOU AND SEE MY BIG F*CKING C*OCK?!"
"I think you got the last thing backwards"
"I DON'T GIVE SH*T, AND YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE THIS YEAR IS YEAR OF EQUALITY AND I DON'T F*CK WITH YOU BECAUSE I DON'T F*CK WITH B*THES"
"Damn little girl, if someone started to censor the curses, you would lose like half of your vocabulary"
"I WANT ******* SEE THE ********** WHO WOULD ******* TRY TO **** WITH ME. I HAD ENOUGH YOU YOUR ************* ******** YOU ******* ************. CALL ME A LITTLE GIRL ONE MORE GOD DAMN TIME AND I'LL COME DOWN AND SHOVE MY LITTLE FOOT UP YOUR UNGRATEFUL ASS"
"Calm your non-existent tits and say the word babe!"
"WHAT ******* WORD?!"
"Oh you know..." Y/N whispered "...Things about responsibility and holding back...
"WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST SAID THAT EARLIER?!"
"Because I already killed my mother-in-law, so I need a sister-in-law to replace her"
"In your dreams, wanker!"
"Sometimes dreams do come true, when did you become british by the way?"
"When your uncle was inside you! Do whatever you want, just get the job done!"
"You're hurting my feelings, but the last part puts a smile on my face"
"Kiss my loli ass!" She hung up
"Ahhh..." Y/N took a deep breath and smiled "There is nothing better than pissing off thot..."
He then dialed a number named Mr Soyboy.
"Ah, Y/N!" Westcott quickly answered "I presume that you received the news"
"Isaac you son of a b*th, you dared to stole my b*th and now you're going to replace her!" Y/N casually said with friendly tone.
"...Was that a threat or a joke?" Westcott asked after a while of silence.
"I don't know, but your life is both of them for sure. My foot and your ass has an appointment this night, so practice bending over to save me some time helping you to do that" Y/N said with friendly tone an hung up "Finaly... A opportunity to go out with bois for a walk, Muahahahahaha!"
His evil laugh filled the dark alley and woke up a cat.
'I don't know humans too well, but even I can tell that this one ran into hard wall...'
YOU ARE READING
Date A Invader (Badass Male reader x Date a Live)
FanfictionAfter being killed by angry pilot, Y/N landed in the Abyss and meet Four Kings of the Abyss. They made deal with him and reincarnated to Date A Live universe where Shido is genderbended and he accidently took away her powers of sealing spirits. So n...
