The assassin and the soldier

Movie time!

Natasha POV:

I was back I was really back here. James actually met his dad and he didn't even know it. Gosh I'm a terrible mother! Our longest conversation in 4 years was over Comms! I miss him, god I miss him so much. I can't even look him in the eyes an not feel guilty. I can't I just can't tell him the truth.

Out of the blue I got slapped by Clint pulling me out of my thoughts. "You alright there?" "Yes I guess I just miss him you know he doesn't even know his kid because of me!" "Tasha calm done... it's" "don't you dare say ok because it's not ok. I have to tell him I just don't have the guts." "Tasha look just introduce everyone to James and then work all of that shit out ok." "Your right but be careful I am getting you back for that slap." "I will be ready for it." "Sure you will!"

I grabbed James and walked into the living room where everyone was including Steve. And to my surprise James wriggles out of my grip and jumped on him. "Uncle Steveeeeee."
"Hey bud you alright?!" "Yes uncle Sam just gave me 4 chocolate cupcakes and they were very nice!" I turned away from looking at James and Steve and death glared at Sam.
"Thanks Sam I am not going to be able to put him to sleep tonight!" "It's okay mumma I saved one but you have to share it." "With who baby?" "Uncle Steve." "Fine go and get it so I know you haven't eaten it and give half to da..Steve and half to me ok?" "Ok. But mumma?" "Yes baby?" "Who's da Steve?" "It's his new rap name da da da da Steve." Clint said to cover me. "Wait uncle Steve you rap." "What no?!"
Luckily again Tony stood in "of course he does he is the best rapper in town he is the one and only da Steve!"
I quickly shifted out the room and Clint and Wanda followed. "Natasha what was that are you trying to give it away?" "Clint it was an accident." "Now he thinks Steve is a rapper!" "Well Clint and Nat why don't we make him rap we could have some fun." "Actually that's not a bad idea!" "Clint, Wanda! We are getting off topic I can't just go in there and say hey James is your kid." "Oh my gosh I have an idea!" Clint said and then just walked off and I was now very scared.

I walked into the lounge where the 80 inch TV was and saw James pickings out a movie. He picked out the good dinosaur. I mean I love that movie but it always makes me cry no matter what. The only difference with watching it this time I had no one absolutely no one James was with Steve on the two seater sofa, Wanda was with Bucky well since they were dating. Thor was with Jane, pepper was with Tony and they were expecting a child. And Bruce was with his new girlfriend Betty. Well Clint was no where to be seen which made me worry but as soon as the movie started he walked in and sat with Laura and his kids so I had no one. I went over and sat in the chair in the far back corner far away from anyone. I noticed Steve looking at me with a sad and worried smile. I really wanted to smile back and go hug him but I can't I already hurt him enough.

About 15 minutes later I was asleep but could still hear everything and I knew that the kids had probably paused it to go the loo and get more snacks ect. But I just stayed there in my little bubble. I heard whispers around me because of my spy abilities but I couldn't work out who it was. Well it was James and it was... Omg it was Steve umm. Okay then.

"Mumma mumma! Uncle Steveeeeee Mumma's dead mumma's dead!"
"Shhh no she's not she is just sleeping."
"But how do you know you have to check her pulse."
"Shh James you will wake her up."
"How do you know!"
"Because I have seen her sleep before. It's okay she has had a hard couple of days."
"But she is alone can I sit with her?"
"Sure you can but be careful not to wake her okay." "I will can you come too?" "Sure I will pull up about chair okay. You sit down and I will come in a minute."

Gosh how was Steve so caring even though I broke his heart. I heard the movie play again and felt little hands on my arms. I couldn't help it but smile. If only we were a family. I felt more hands again but this time it was a bigger one obviously helping the little ones hug me. Like father like son. When I slept it was the worst time. It's when nightmares would come and haunt me. My past. My thought would run wild everything would come back to me memories I forgot about. During the 4 years the worst nightmares was about hurting Steve. At just the thought of that a tear started rolling down my cheek reaching my lips and then that followed by another and another. I started to sniff and then realized I was actually crying because of Steve how much I wanted him. How much I needed him and OUR son. I just can't pickup the courage to say something like that. I am the black widow nothing should make me cry nothing should make me love. But then he can into my life and changed it for the world of good. More tears came. This time out of both eyes. I really did love that man. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. But like everything else I screwed that up to. I deserved this though. Out of everything I have done in my past I deserve this. A warm finger lingered over my face wiping off tears as they fell. Again it was him. I need to go but I am so deep in thought I can't get out. I am trapped. I started shaking due to what I was thinking about. I was going to hurt someone. And by someone I mean I am pretty sure the only thing I never want to hurt in my life and that is James. He is on top of me. The more I shake the more likely he is going to fall. But I can't I can't do anything
I am not in control anymore I never was. I thought all my nightmares were gone but here they came rushing back. I let out a scream probably startling James. I need help serious help I can't deal with it this. "NOOOOO" I scream. "I CAN'T!" "STOP".I felt James being lifted off me and crying being taken away probably by Steve. I was then held down by someone. "Natasha listen to me." It was Steve the one person I was want but can't have. I started hyperventilating and started drifting off into blackness. I felt some strong arms lift me up and run with me somewhere else. Steve. He puts me down on a bed but the feel of it. And I start thrashing around. He again holds me down and does something he hasn't done in years.
He kissed me.
As soon as he kissed me the blackness reversed. I calmed down and fell into a deep slumber which he then woke me up from.
"Hey Nat are you ok." "Take him." "Take who?" "Take your son." "Nat what are you talking about." "Steve James is your son you need to take him away I am going to hurt him I can't I need to go away from everyone and everything. I can't do this anymore. It's all coming back every bit of it. It's back I need to go." Steve stood there speechless. I tried to get up but he pushed me down again, I got very scared. "He's mine?" "Yes, I don't want to hurt anyone anymore I need to go." I finally wriggle out of his grip and get to the door when he grabs me. "Your not leaving again." "I have to I am a monster." "Then you are my monster, your not leaving." "Steve you don't understand I have to! I can't stay here what if that had gotten much worse I may have hit you or James or someone else I can't deal with it." "You can and we will together." "But Steve..." "Shhhh". And again he did what I least expected. He pulled me into a kiss one full of love and passion. I kissed back straight away. He pushed me up against the wall and said to me 4 words that I finally stuck too.
"Never leave me again"
"I won't"

I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter even though it may seem like this would be the perfect ending to this book I am still continuing because I have now got too a place where I can start developing their relationship. I am very excited to share the next bit to the story as they evolve together!!!.
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