When the birds stopped chirping

36. Codename: Fallen Wings

"What's on your mind?" Liam inquired gently.

Although I requested him to come, Liam's voice startled me. Hastily, I dried my tears, embarrassed to show him my crying face. As usual not so easily tricked, Liam walked up to me with open arms. If I needed to confide to someone, he would always be there to listen.

"I thought I was Kim's friend, but... but... I didn't see through his malaise... I could have..." I stammered with shock. "If only I had been more listening and understanding, I'd..."

"Don't beat yourself up about what you haven't done. That's okay for you to fall apart, sometimes too; When he was suffering from bullying, you could only lend him a shoulder to lean on, couldn't you?"

"But... if I knew... if I knew that he took refuge in his passion for art to give meaning to his life, to find a sense of belonging, I could have given him all my support through overcoming his recurring demons..." I wailed. "Until he met with the Dreamers, he must have felt truly abandoned, without anyone standing by his side to assuage his loneliness... to listen to his desire of becoming artist... against the odds..."

"It's the role of a parent to accompany their children on the path of making their own decisions, for them to step into adulthood, isn't it?" Liam smiled. "Even though his father was consumed by depression, he should have accepted his son's choices, no? Like Kim used to say, you're not his parent Cassidy; you were only his friend."

"But... But...when I stepped inside... and that I took his tortured body in my arms; I should have stopped Vladimir from carrying him away to Hellsground's entrails..."

"Cassie! That's not your fault if..."

"They tied him up and tortured him to death! He bore the brunt of my powerlessness in my stead! I didn't measure how much our defeat deeply affected him!" I cried out. "I... I just couldn't endure it any longer, so he... took all the guilt upon himself! And..."

Concerned, Liam embraced me comfortingly what caught me off guard. I stepped backwards. He tendered to me the warmth of his arms,

"We can do nothing but hope he's still alive down there. Cry to your heart's content if it's any consolation. Nobody's there to judge on your actions," he enjoined.

For an instant I recollected my spirits; then I threw myself into his arms and bawled my eyes out, mad with grief, nestling my head in the curves of his chest. Stupefied he shielded me. His throat quivered, "If it makes you feel any better..." he wailed, grasping onto me. Hopeless versus the course of greater schemes, we sobbed, our bodies intertwined. Dreaming of a better future seemed quite futile when despair washed away the promise of tomorrow.

***

As I laid down to rest, several hours later, the thought of Kim's ordeal six feet underground tormented my mind; if I had been braver, I'd have taken my share of responsibility in SLACK's leadership, thinking that if Kim had found a listening ear to his malaise, he wouldn't have taken all the blame upon himself as repayment for being an outcast, by laying down his life to save me from Hellsground's horror. Into a restless slumber, dreamless, I fell, sorrowful, only realising now how much Skyfall Hill's fiasco deeply scarred Kim, by denying him once more the right to take flight.

Gradually, I got back a taste for living as I transformed into a different me, which stitched me back together. I, for the first time ever, admitted to my faults by taking note of others' advice rather than seeking for their consideration. Liam, as for him, cared after me loyally, watchful witness of my transformation. I must admit I had butterflies in my stomach whenever I peered at Liam hustling to get negotiations going with the Dreamers as the final confrontation between us and the Party approached. Liam took at heart his role of acting leader. In the end, we absolutely needed to get on the same page to form a united army if we planned on overthrowing Pipelin Pantonium's financial and political empire, which was hardly manageable given that Stanley Anderson, self-proclaimed Mai Lan's right-hand man, still mistrusted us. Only when all hope seemed lost in grasping unity, major disagreements began to show inside our five heads' Committee between the partisans of a diplomatic coalition with the Dreamers and the foretellers of our impossible alliance.