When the birds stopped chirping

33. Anthill's Mayhem

At twenty-three years old, Cassidy Hepburn became a full-fledged member of society on that evening she professed her love for her dearest friend in front of her allies and foes. It took me six years to win this war. I stood transfixed, feeling exposed. To have declared my love for Kim to the world was liberating but fearful. Subsequently, the demands of some had been answered meanwhile others' hopes were blown.

In this instant, I deceived many guys' expectations. Back when we were young I, Newman's notorious hard-headed siren, had never, ever, gave a man the key to her heart. Even after becoming SLACK's red-hot figurehead, I still had no interest in getting engaged. I swore that if I had gotten matched with a partner, it would have driven me down, like a gazelle eyed on greedily by the jungle's king. I made it my resolve to shine in a world controlled by men, although my heart raced for Kim whose perilous path through life carved indelible scars into his flesh. From different perspectives, we shared the same burden, hardly fitting in while others enjoyed a careless youth free of torment.

***

Since my release from Hellsground, I had noticed some change in SLACKers' behaviour towards me, their leader. Before the Black Police's blitz raid on Lost Island, they looked up to me with utmost respect and admiration for my spokeswoman's skills, men and women. They willingly and wholeheartedly pledged allegiance to the Committee and put their lives between my hands.

From my resurrection up to now, rebellion boiled in the ranks when frivolous conflicts erupted between members of the same squad over personal grudges. It stemmed from a patent lack of overall group organisation. From then onwards, squads divided into smaller factions acting on their own. My fellow Committee members and I went the extra mile to conciliate all sides, driven by sheer idealism in the eyes of many.

Following that day of my confession, I became an emotionally driven bellwether in the eyes of my followers, prone to spectacular tantrums. Some remained undoubtedly loyal to me, whereas many, doubting my commands, disowned me as their rightful guide. This, added to Kim's disappearance, gave me the death blow. Day after day, more and more activists, formerly defending me, left my side. These people glanced at me with caution. I could read contempt in their watchful eyes. Soon enough, once mutiny was set in motion, revolt was becoming uncontrollable, unstoppable.

To rub salt in my wounds, the radical wing hammered home that, even if I had kept my word, I sided with the enemy by handing over one of us to them because only me had returned from Hell safe and sound. If my love was sincere, I would have laid down everything I owned for my cherished one. They accused me of cowardice, saying that I should not have survived, unworthy of Kim's heart-breaking self-sacrifice. By feeding Kim to these vultures, I failed him. Furthermore, they pointed out that I did not plea for his defence in Court.

Consequently, a good number of SLACK's members were afraid I was no longer entitled to be SLACK's wise leader. My emotionally driven reactions affected my power to decide, thus why self-made factions were on the move. Admitting to my naivety hurt my feelings, thinking we were all united versus the Party.

Actually, I was not surprised that our numbers had been lowering at a quick rate for the past week since my confession. We always were regarded as a makeshift army without clear cohesive pattern, albeit we had a common will to unite us. Therefore, our community failed to thrive. Our intents at rekindling the uprising inevitably fell through. Coincidentally, intestine wars laid low in the corners.

***

In the meantime, deep in my heart, I treasured my unscathed love for Kim in order to keep afloat. The assembly room swarmed of people's chatter, summoned by me for an extraordinary audience to set up our next move. Some of them reluctantly mustered, who could hardly contain their contempt towards me.