Thirty-One Letters

Twenty-Nine

Grief changes shape, but it never ends – Keanu Reeves

The wind nipped at her face, a light sting across her cheek as her hair fluttered into her eyes.  Crashing waves loomed before her, slamming against the shoreline.  High above the sky was blue and cloudless. 

"Are you ready?"

"No."

"You'll be fine."

"I know," Hadley said to Ian.  "That's the thing – I know I'll be fine.  The worst that could happen is if I get pounded and land in the impact zone.  And if that happens then I'll fight my way out of it."

Ian glanced at her, brow raised.  "So...What aren't you ready for then?"

"Doing this without Tanner.  But I will.  I'll do it."

He bumped her shoulder.  "Want to know what's insane?  He used to practice all of his motivational speeches that he'd give to you on me first...But right now I can't remember a damned one.  So I may not be able to give you a great speech like he could, but I'll be here with you the whole time.  I've got your back, Brown."

"Thanks."

"Come on.  Let's get you signed in."

Together they turned for the registration table that had been set up a hundred feet off the shore.  Already spectators and other competitors had begun to gather along the beach.  Hadley's own parents had pulled out their old folding lawn chairs and a few beach towels and settled in for the day.  Casey had joined them when she had arrived with Ian and now she sat on a towel with Bandit nestled in beside her.

She signed in quickly, learning the heat she was in and the colour – green – of the lycra she was to wear. Then, with some time to spare before the first heat started, Hadley and Ian walked to where her family was waiting.

"How are you feeling?" her father asked as Ian collapsed on the sand next to Casey. 

Four pairs of eyes stared up at her.

Hadley blinked.  "I just want to get in the water."

Not a lie.  Each breath on the shore was difficult.  She could feel the void where Tanner was meant to be, missed him fervently telling her about the other competitors in her heat and obsessing over the weather conditions.  Once she got in the water though, the horn sounding to signal the start of the heat, Hadley knew that everything else would melt away.  It would just be her and the board and the waves.

"That's good," her mother added.  "Not to stress you out but I did see someone from Rip Curl here. I'm not sure if they're going to be scouting other talent or if they were sent to watch you but, in any case, they're here."

Hadley supposed that this should make her feel nervous but it didn't.  "Well, then I should really do my best not to mess up today."

"What heat are you in?"

Hadley looked to her father.  The sun was hitting him square in the face and he squinted as he looked up at her.  "The fourth.  There will be six total and then the semis and final."

"How many competitors in your heat?"

"Four, including me."

He nodded, digesting this.  The patriarch of the Brown family had always been Hadley's coach.  While Tanner handled the pep talks and keeping her calm, it was her father who had been responsible for helping her develop strategy.

"Thirty-minute heat?"

"Yup."

"You have a game plan?"