Thirty-One Letters

Nineteen

But in all of the sadness, when you're feeling that your heart is empty, and lacking, you've got to remember that grief isn't the absence of love. Grief is proof that love is still there—Tessa Shaffer

The window was open, blowing in a warm breeze that carried with it the smell of saltwater. The world beyond was dark, illuminated only by the moon and the stars. Waves crashed against the shoreline, steady and reassuring.

It was the sound that was there to comfort her when Hadley awoke, trembling, from the nightmare.

She'd had it before, the nightmare where she was drowning and couldn't find her way to the surface. The dream that ended with her finding Tanner floating face-up in the water, stone-cold and lifeless. It had been a few weeks since she'd last had it but there it was. A silent scream was lodged in her throat, desperate to be let loose, but she clutched her pillow to her chest, holding it tightly as if she could fill the empty void in her chest with it.

Hadley rocked herself back and forth in her bed. This was the kind of time that she wanted a drink, something to numb the intense pain she was feeling. But it had been a while since she'd last drank herself into oblivion and she found that it wasn't the sort of band-aid she was looking for. Not anymore.

Bandit jumped up onto her bed. He'd been sleeping on the bed Ty had bought him when she'd brought him home three days earlier but the sound of her gasping and shuddering had jolted the dog awake. He stared at her with those big dark eyes and then he laid down with his head resting on her feet.

She'd never had a pet unless one counted a goldfish. She and Tanner had always been too busy with their athletics to have the time to commit to training an animal so her parents had never gotten them one. But here she realized what she had been missing. Bandit had a calming effect. She matched her breaths with his, willing her body to relax she become in tune with his. It was clear he knew something was troubling her and the way he looked at her, with that unwavering loyalty, was unlike anything she'd ever known.

For a while, Hadley sat there. Bandit fell asleep, still resting on her toes, but even after her heart had slowed and she felt a deep calm return, she didn't feel like sleeping. She was worried of the images that would flick across her eyelids if she closed them. Hadley was perfectly capable of handling one nightmare but two in the same night? If that happened she didn't know how she would cope.

Instead, she flicked on the light of her bedside table. The seventeenth letter was the first in the stack in the top drawer. While challenge number sixteen wasn't technically finished, it was as good as. She'd had her interview at the Aquarium in Fort Fisher that morning and while she wasn't officially on the payroll, they said they liked her and were going to start drawing up the paperwork to get her on the staff.

So she considered it done and lifted the next letter from the drawer. It seemed as good a time as any to read it. She was already thinking of him anyways.

Hadley,

Ian's grounded. Two days ago he got in a fight with his cousin. They punched each other a couple of times, got all the anger out, no big deal in the end but it got me thinking. You and I, for the most part, have always been the 'good' kids. We've never gotten in serious trouble, never been grounded or really even yelled at.

That's probably a good thing, right? Isn't it every parent's dream for their kids to eat their vegetables and do as their told without complaint? I'm sure mom and dad were grateful for it.

But it's gotten me thinking. We've never done anything rebellious. Never did anything that would get us in trouble and, you know, I think it's time that we changed that. Now's your time Hadley. Stop toeing the line and just do something a little bit...bad. Be the little rebel I know you are.