Thirty-One Letters

Thirteen

The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing...not healing, not curing...that is a friend who cares—Henri Nouwen

There is a moment of stillness, of silence, right before the perfect wave hits.  Calm - like the entire world is holding its breath.  As if time is forever frozen and everything is clear.  A time where you can see all of the possibilities before you and know which course of action to take.  Like there is no doubt at all about what you should do.

Catch the wave and ride it out.  Stay up, all the way back to the shore.  Don't teeter or be afraid to fall.  Just stay on the board and you'll be fine. 

That was the philosophy anyways.  The game plan.  Life wasn't always so simple and right then Hadley didn't feel like she was going to be riding it out to the shore.  No, she felt like she was about to get pounded by the waves.  As if there was absolutely no possible way that she could make it through this ride in one piece. 

She knew the house in front of her.  Red brick, dark shingled roof, a cheery green door.  Windows trimmed in white that matched the long wide porch.  She could clearly see the layout of the house in her mind's eye, knew where every twist and turn in the hallways were.  Knew where it branched into bedrooms and the kitchen and the living room.  Even knew which stairs to avoid in the middle of the night because they creaked loudly. 

Knew because this was Ian Lewis' house.

Hadley had been standing on the sidewalk on the other side of the street for close to thirty minutes.  Long enough to see Ian's parents climb into their car and see it turn in the direction of town. Enough to know that Ian was likely home alone and that this was her shot.

But still, she didn't move.

In her right hand, she was holding a folded envelope.  There was a number '11' scrawled across the front but it was wrinkled.  She'd opened it the night before after Ty had dropped her off at her house.  She wished that he was with her now.  If there was one thing Ty had in abundance it was bravery.  He just exuded confidence.  Hadley wanted to borrow some of his strength, just enough to get her through this challenge.

She knew that she could have asked him to come with her and that he would have agreed readily.  He seemed to have taken on the role of a guardian leading through her a predestined quest.

Hadley hadn't wanted to call him though.  She'd become abundantly aware of how involved Ty was getting in this strange situation she'd found herself in.  Sure, he was a 'friend' but Hadley didn't know what that really meant.  She had to remind herself that she still hardly knew him but it was something easy to forget.  Their hours of playing Truth had given her a special insight into him that she didn't even have with some of the friends she'd known for years.  Both Hadley and Ty were each fairly intrusive with their questions and hadn't yet hit a boundary line that they wouldn't cross. 

It felt like they were on their way to something Hadley wasn't sure she wanted yet so she'd decided to face this challenge alone.

I should've asked you to do this sooner.  I don't know why I didn't.  What I need you to do now, Had, is go see Ian...

The front door was a hundred feet from her but it seemed like it was all the way on the other side of the Sahara Desert.  It loomed before her like a mirage, drawing her in but she also knew that it was a dangerous thing to go near.  Hadley was scared, terrified actually, of what was to come.

He's my best friend, Hadley.  Except, maybe he's more like a brother.  You know that.  He's hurting just as much as you are...Maybe even more.  Because if I know you, you've shut him out.  So not only has he lost me—he's lost you too...