Everything's Fine.

Chapter 1.5

It's cold. I can see my breath leave my mouth. The snow crunches underneath my boots. Ugh, I shouldn't have left the jacket in the car. Stupid school uniforms, they give no insulation.

I leave the gate and turn right. There's a little bit of traffic pulling into the school, cars crawling slowly down Mittlemen Drive. It would be nice to sit in a heated car to and from school, but that would require having Aunty pick me up from school, or helping me learn how to drive, none of which she wants to do now. She's always out of the house nowadays.

I stop at the fences that mark the edge of the school campus to dig through my bag. There's a pair of mittens I left in here from before winter break, but that's it. I really shouldn't have forgotten the jacket. I put the mittens on my hands and the bag on my back, then continue walking. The bridge over Mittlemen river is in sight.

When I walk over the bridge, I pause midway to look over the edge. The river below is frozen and the ice is smooth. There are a few scratch marks running up and down the frozen river, likely from ice skaters. The ice must be pretty thick. I want to pick up a stone and throw it over the edge, to try and smash the ice. But I fight my childish urges.

Why? It's not like people pay attention to you anymore anyway.

The sky above is partly cloudy. Grayish clouds float overhead, covering parts of the bright blue, but I know there's no threat of snow. At least not for the next few days. I sigh and begin walking again.

The walk to the apartment usually takes about thirty minutes, but today I planned to stop by Twire Park and wait for a little. Even though the cold bites at my fingertips, it's better than getting back and running into Aunty. She's going to be home this afternoon. She's been home the entire weekend. I don't want to see her again before she leaves.

I look back and see a few other students walking in the same direction as I am. Most of them are just walking like I am, and some are listening to music through earbuds or walking while looking at their phones, but there are some other small groups of friends that seem to be talking and laughing.

I turn back around. Keep walking forward. Focus on the breaths coming out of your mouth. They don't care about me. I don't care about them. It's fine. I'm fine.

I rub my arms and shoulders. Maybe I can stop by the Starbucks across the street from Twire Park and get a hot chocolate. While walking, I reach into my bag again, looking for my wallet.

It's empty. Or basically empty. Two dollars and sixty-two cents won't get me anything. Fuck. With a sigh, I put my wallet back into my bag and keep walking.

Twire Park, on the corner of Cypress Lane and Mittlemen Drive. When I get there, I stand at one of the park entrances, staring at the Starbucks across the street. No chance. If I go in there, I won't be able to buy anything. The most I'll get is overhearing yet another Mittlemen student gossiping about who I am. Or some horny man in his early twenties trying to hook up with me.

Not a chance. I'm not making the same mistake again. I don't want anybody coming close to me.

I turn around and walk into the park.

Normally at this time, there would be a family or babysitter with a child, but it's completely quiet now. The play structure and the benches are covered with a thin layer of snow.

Even if there were loud and annoying kids here, the park borders a nearby forest. During the summer I can hide away in the trees, napping under a pine tree, but today I get to lay claim to one of the benches.

The snow is fresh from last night, save for a few footprints breaking up the parkway paths. Probably people trying to cut from Cypress to Mittlemen. I walk toward the farthest bench, on the other side of the park, mostly hidden by towering pine trees. I would cross the field to get there, but then I would disturb the fresh snow. Instead, I stay on the concrete pathway that circles the park.

I wonder about the play structures. Whenever I walk by, young children always seem to be smiling, laughing, especially if they're playing with their guardian or other children. I fight another childish urge to sit on the swings. I shiver, and rub my arms again. Is it getting colder?

Finally at the bench, I set my bag down and look back across the park. A smooth white blanket covers the field, and the tree's are a mass of dead branches and hanging snow. It still looks pretty though. I sneeze. God, I'm an idiot. Forget having a jacket, right now I'd even settle for a hat.

I guess I'll stay here until seventh-period ends. I glance at my watch: 2:51pm, so about forty minutes, plus another twenty, so that the wave of Mittlemen students can pass me. Hopefully by then, Aunty will be done and out of the apartment.

I sit down, curl into a ball, and close my eyes. I can no longer feel my toes, and despite the mittens, I can't feel my fingers either. It's alright. I'm fine. Everything's fine. This is better than seeing Aunty this afternoon.

...

...

...wait. The school library.

I should've stayed at the school library. I'm so stupid. I've been living here for years. I should know how cold it gets in Paynesti City. I could've waited it out in the school library. I'm so stupid. I'm fucking stupid.

I'm beginning to shiver. Jacket or not, maybe sitting at a bench in the shade under a tree wasn't such a good idea. It's cold. I should've sat under the sun.

I won't give in. I won't see Aunty again. Just a little more time. Then I can go home and soak in hot water.

Hot water. Isn't heat good for healing? Extreme cold slows healing, doesn't it? Oh no.

Ignoring the cold, I take off my uniform blazer and roll up my sleeves to check. Strips of gauze wrap around my forearms. Some blood stains through them, but at least the cuts haven't opened up.

"Hey-"