Chapter 22. What The Fuck Did You Say?

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Chance's POV

If she really only knew all the shit I've done she'd never look at me the same way again. What she doesn't understand is I can't change what or who I am. Guys like me don't get girls like Taytum. Girls like Taytum have good lives and can make good lives for themselves. Taytum isn't the kind of a girl who needs a man to succeed. 

Me, on the other hand, I will never succeed at anything incredible in life. Even though I want her I can't keep her and I knew that's how it'd be. She wasn't lying when she said the felonies were piling up. They do pile up every day for me. 

My life is going to most likely end in bloodshed and I've accepted that. The last thing I want is to put her in the crosshairs with me. There is so many reasons to push her away but I just keep letting her come back. This time though I think she meant what she said and it angers me but I'm not going to go to her. My boss drilled my ass tonight for bringing her here. I promised him she'd remain silent about it. If she doesn't it's going to cause her and me a lot of problems. Taytum's a smart girl and I'm sure she knows it could cause problems. 

When I get home I jump in the shower and get into bed. I lay there staring at my ceiling thinking about her like I do every night. I keep replaying the last thing she said to me in my head over and over again. It's like she's twisting the knife in my heart. I never thought any girl would have that kind of power over me.

***

Drew comes into the kitchen and drops the duffel bag on my floor. "Twenty-five pounds," He said. 

"Cool," I shrug as I grab a Pepsi out of the fridge. 

"How's it going?" Drew asks.

"So far so good," I mutter.

"How about with Taytum?" He asked. 

I sigh. "That's uh... done."

He raises his eyebrows. "Really? She doesn't no..." He trails off.

"No," I shake my head. "She knows about the car boosting though."

He chuckles. "Wait until she finds out your also a bank robber."

I stick my middle finger up at him and he laughs. 

"Where is Emma?" He asks.

"She's at a friend's," I tell him. "You going to stick around for a while?" 

"Nah I got a bunch of shit to do back home. When are you guys moving again?" Drew asked.

"We're probably going to in a couple of months but not sure."

"Where to this time?"

"California I think," I said.

"Well keep me posted. Hollar if you need anything," He said.

"Will do, thanks bro," I said.

"You already know, man. Anytime," He said. We bro hug and he heads out of my house. Drew and his older brother are the only ones I talk to from back home. They're always helping me with everything.

***

Jayden comes into the living room and plops down on the couch beside me. "You re-up today?" 

"Yeah, I did," I nod. "How much?"

"A pound. I'll probably be back for another tomorrow," Jay said.

"Sure," I grunt as I get off the couch I head back to my bedroom and pull the bag out from under my bed. When I pull it out I head back to the living room. I toss the pound into Jayden's lap. He hands me an envelope of cash.

"Cool, thanks man," He said. "I'm not sure what the fuck we're going to do with you not around."

"Drew is going to set you up man. You'll have to make it really worth his drive though," I explain.

"For real?" Jayden asks.

"Yeah that is the plan," I shrug.

"Cool. How's it going with Taytum?" He asked. "Have you told her you're leaving in a couple of months?"

"We're over," I tell him.

"Sorry man. You could always try the long-distance thing. I mean she obviously likes you a lot. Taytum's a pretty cool girl," He said.

I shake my head. "Shit is just better the way that it is. You know?"

"Sure," He shrugs. "See ya later."

"See ya," I said. After Jayden leaves I go in and get into the shower. Once I get a pair of shorts on I get under my bed and grab a box. The box has a bunch of pictures. I look through them mostly looking at the ones of my mom. Before she died my life was pretty typical. I had friends and I've had girlfriends. That year she died shit just seemed to hit me one after another. One of my friends died and I caught my girlfriend at the time fucking around on me. It begins to rain heavily outside.

Sometimes I think about going back home to see my mom, but I don't want to run into other people. Tears begin to build in my eyes. I throw the pictures back into the box and put it back under my bed. I grab one of my notebooks that holds a bunch of poetry in it. Just as I'm about to start writing in it I hear a knock on the door. I can barely hear the knock over the pounding rain.

"Shit," I mutter. I get to my feet throwing the book down onto the end table by my bed. I get into the living room and peek out the door. What the hell?

I throw the door open. "Taytum?" I ask stunned. She steps into the house completely drenched. She shivers slightly. "What the hell are you doing here?" 

"I wanted to talk..." She trails off. Water droplets are running down her face. She stares up at me through thick eyelashes. She moves slightly closer, leaving no space between us. Her chest begins to rise and fall quickly against mine.

I groan and throw my hands over my face. "Come on Taytum. You said yourself it isn't a good idea to get mixed up with me."

"I changed my mind," She pouts as I pull away from her. 

"You're like a fucking circus Tay. I can't. We can't. The smartest thing you could do right now is just leave forget I ever even existed. I'm leaving in a couple of months Taytum. Most likely all the way to California," I mutter.

"I can't," She murmurs. "I get that you're going to leave but I don't care. I don't care that you move a lot. I don't care that you sell weed or boost cars. It doesn't change anything. It doesn't change how I feel about you."

"I'm trying to save you from the kind of regret you are going to feel when I do leave Taytum. Just trust me on this. It's not going to work out," I growl.

"I'm not going to regret anything. The only thing I would regret is not enjoying what time I have left with you!" She shouts. 

She gasps when I grab onto her arms and pull her into me. I'm frustrated beyond description with this girl. "Stop it Taytum! Just go home! We can't keep doing this! When I leave I'm not ever coming back! I'm no good for you wrap your fucking head around that!"

"I can't!" She shouts.

"Why the fuck not?!" I growl.

"Because I love you, you stupid ass!" She shouts as tears flood her cheeks.

My hands instantly drop from her arms like she electrocuted me and I stumble backward. "What the fuck did you say?" I choke. It feels as if someone is squeezing my insides. My head spins chaotically. 



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