Beaming Love

Some us time

"I had missed this place so much..." I open our bedroom's curtains as Brad puts our luggage in the closet

"I know...why don't we come more often? It's so quiet and peaceful"

"Because we have a three year old daughter, who gives us no break?"

"Hmm fair enough, maybe we should sell her?"

"Honey even if we were giving her for free, no one could possibly handle her crying and breaking everything...we have a little devil"

"Oh man...then I guess we can keep her" We both change into our swimsuits then go lay on the deck, facing the crystal blue sea

Everything is quiet, the only sound around us are waves splashing on the beach. We don't say anything and yet it's comfortable and warming. He pulls me closer to him so I lay my head on his naked chest. I take in his fresh perfume, the only perfume that still drives me crazy till this day, my man's perfume.

"It feels good to be alone, no one bothering us, just the two of us"

"It does feel good. I thought it would be a good thing for us you know, be able to talk and reconnect. The last months have been really hard for us. Especially for you...I wanted you to be someplace where you would be comfortable and relaxed"

"Thank you honey, I do feel relaxed now...more than in a long time" I smile, trying to avoid any emotional break, anything that will make me vulnerable, but Brad knows me way too much

"Jen...please talk to me" he almost whispers, passing his hand through my hair

"We need to talk about it, I need you, I want to talk to you. We're both in a lot of pain. I need you to help me go through it and I want to help you. I'm your husband, you're my partner....please"

I sit up facing him, knowing that we're having this conversation no matter what now.

"It's....hard. I still haven't come to terms of what happened, why it happened. What I could or should have done to keep this baby safe. And the fact that till this day I don't know why it didn't stay breaks me. And now I can see how much we both miss the baby we have no memories of... how am I supposed to grieve when I don't even know the person I'm grieving?"

As I speak, I'm fighting my tears but they soon get too hard to control. I see him cry for the first time "I'm sorry I couldn't keep this baby...and I'm sorry for not knowing what to do no-"

I can see he's trying to be the strong, cause according to him someone needs to be holding for the two of us

"Jen come on, baby don't say that. Don't ever say that. I'm never, ever, gonna blame you for loosing this baby. You didn't even know you were pregnant. You couldn't have known....I don't and will never blame you for that. What I care about now is you, I know you're hurt and you're in pain, I know that you're blaming yourself. You're not the same anymore...I want you to know that I love you no matter what and I'll always be there for you, forever. I will help you get through that and we will have a baby alright? Whenever it's time for us to, we will."

"Mhm Mhm I love you Brad, I love you so much"

"I love you more, way more"

I lean in kissing before laying back next to him "And you thought you would make me cry uh?"

"Haha shut up Brad...and I did, I almost"

"Almost babe"

"I'm starving babe, I could eat ten sheep right now" I sit on his laps, wrapping my arms around his neck

"What, who the fuck says that Jen? Eat ten sheep's??"

"Stop making fun of me, I'm starving, I really am"

"No yeah I understand...you know what I'm starving too"

"Yeah? What do you want to eat? Should I order?"

"Mhmm let me think, uh you know what? I know what I want, I wanna eat you" He starts kissing me deeply then gets to my neck "Babe...I need to eat first"

"Don't worry you'll be full very soon" He lifts me up in a quick motion, making me squeal as he runs back in

"Brad! What the hell haha"

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"What should I take...Martini? Margarita?" I stare at his beautiful blue eyes, as he desperately tries to find a great cocktail

"Can I choose what I want?"

"No I'm choosing for you, I don't want you to be choosing something that is gonna get you too boosed up"

"But... this is supposed to be relaxing! Braaaaad!"

"Shhh. You don't see a child escaping our table or purposely knocking our drinks over right now, do you? This is relaxing."

He hands the waitress back the menu, ordering some champagne to help us celebrate the progress we've made through these last few months.

"You look amazing tonight, babe... it's been hard not seeing you smile like this the last few months."

"It's been so hard. All of it. Even getting out of bed breaks me some days, but I'm trying to do better. I want us to be more open. We both experienced this, not just me and I know you haven't been the same either... but you've been the most amazing husband and father through it all. I see the way she's adjusted more to you, somehow knowing I'm not myself, and I miss her every second, but seeing the two of you together is more special than ever before. You've supported me in every way I could have asked for, heald my hands in the moments I needed direction, and gave me space when I didn't know how to be human... you're just, the best. I appreciate it all so much, and I love you... I love you more than I'm ever going to be able to show. You truly are my soulmate ."

"You're the strongest woman I know... you may have had your moments but you weren't ashamed to embrace them. You let yourself mourn and grieve, however hard it is, and I see you try daily to find relief. You're the best mama and wife. You always know what we need or what to do in the hard times. Nobody else could have the patience to put up with Sienna and I together, but you do it with such grace. You make the hard times so much easier, even if I do still feel like I'll never move on."

He holds my hand as he speaks, the truth spewing out of his mouth like he's been holding in his thoughts since we met.

"I love you... so much."

We finish the most relaxing dinner we've had in years, both feeling so much better now that we got some of our biggest problems off our chests and are slowly getting back to being ourselves.

He leads me down to the beach once we're done, taking my hand in his to direct us on the long way back to our house.

"This is usually my favorite part of our dinners, getting to spend time on the beach with you, taking in the sights... but this time is different. We needed that earlier to help push us forward and I'm really proud of us for finally saying everything that's been holding us back."

"We really needed that so we can more forward. I always knew we had it in us, but we needed the boost."

As we finally reach the house, it hits me that I'm ready to feel him again. I've made it far enough in this never ending grief process to know I need to be me again and embrace the love he is constantly showing me.

"Should we find a movie?"

"Can you make us some popcorn? I need to get changed."

I rush myself into the bathroom with all the supplies I could discreetly grab along the way. Brad has been so amazing with me the last few months when I know he is grieving as well, so I want everything to be perfect for both of us now that we're finally ready.

After a long look at myself in the mirror, I take a deep breath as I open the door seeing him just as ready.

"It's finally time."

Hey everyone! I am SO SORRY! This took me forever to finish because of a lot of personal things that came up. I'm really going to try to be better. I have tons of parts for the future half finished, I just have a lot going on so I don't always have as much time.

Hope you enjoy it!