Beaming Love

She's Off to School

"Mommy I need a snack!"

I watch Brad help Sienna pack her little bag frantically, throwing in everything she could possibly need for her first day of "big girl school" as she likes to call it.

We put off these last few steps as long as we could, wanting to prolong our time with our baby being home with us, but she's more than excited to see all her preschool friends and learn all kinds of new things.

"Alright, but Miss. Kline said it has to be healthy so you can have apple slices, a banana or a granola bar. No candy until you get home."

"Miss. Kline didn't say tha-"

I shoot Brad a death glare, wanting to give this poor teacher a few days before sending our child into her full of sugar.  He shrugs, handing me a coffee as Sienna dumps out her bag to make sure she has everything else.

"I want the bar! One wif chocowate."

She runs over to grab it along with the special water bottle we decorated last night, having Brad help her get both into her bag.  She might not realize how hard today is for Brad and I, and even if she's been away from us for daycare and preschool before, it's so hard for us to imagine her being old enough for a real school.

"I can't believe we've kept her alive long enough for school... between our dumb mistakes and her lack of interest in listening to anything we say."

"She has a mind of her own... I'm so glad she's confident though, even if it isn't always in the right ways or at the right time."

"You're the best mommy she could have asked for. I know she isn't the easiest kid, and she gets that from me, but you're amazing with her."

"You're even better... I don't know how you stay so patient, but it keeps us sane. I couldn't do this without you."

Brad stands next to me as we watch her run around the house chasing the dogs, playing with their treats she's supposed to be giving them.

She's so excited for today, has been for weeks since we went and bought all the supplies she needs and got to meet her teacher who she is absolutely in love with.

"Look how little she is with that backpack. It's ridiculous. She looks so tiny."

"And who tried suggesting a better bag at the store? There were plenty of other bags there that would have fit her much better."

"According to her the "bowing pawent". We'll just have to hope she doesn't fall backwards or anything once the bag is full. She can't have too much stuff in kindergarten. It'll be full of crayons and coloring books by tomorrow."

"At least it'll break her fall..."

We help her feed the dogs and clean up her breakfast mess, all while she insists on wearing the huge backpack to show us she can handle big girls school.

"Mommy I make soooooo many cwafts for you today! And daddy I make you a poem like in my book."

"Aw thank you baby, we'll love them sooooooo much. Can you come sit with mommy?"

I sit next to Brad, holding her on my lap as we both spend time taking in her perfect little features, realizing how quickly she's growing up.  Neither of us are ready to let our baby go, but we also couldn't be more excited to see what she accomplishes.

"Me and daddy want you to have the best first day ever, and I know you're excited to play with Leah and Chloe, but we need you to promise you'll be good and listen to Miss. Kline. She's going to try her best to teach you new things but if you don't listen then you won't be learning much."

"Yeah, we want to hear all about everything you got to do and learn today. I think if you're realllllly good you might even get to help Miss. Kline pass out snacks. Remember how cool the cart was when we got to see your classroom? You loved that."

"Yesssss I be good but I pway wif my fwends tooooo!"

She has no interest in listening fully to what we have to say, proving to us she's always going to be the same Sienna we're a little too used to.

"Alright, well just try to listen... we have to get you dressed so we can leave soon. Do you know where your dress is?"

She runs over to the closet more excited than ever, ripping the dress right off it's hanger and bringing it back to us.

"Mommy you wear a dwess too? So we match?"

"Of course, but let daddy get you dressed and brush your teeth while I get ready. We have to leave soon if you still want to walk Peanut and Normy."

I listen to make sure they're getting ready as I run upstairs, finding the closest dress I have to the one she picked out for herself last night. I quickly throw on the makeup I thought I'd have time to perfect for some reason, throw my hair back and mentally prepare myself as we're about to walk our baby to her first day of big girl school.

"Mommy you weadyyyy? Penis and Normy want to go!"

"I'll be right downstairs, tell daddy to get their leashes ready and I'll meet you outside."

I take one last look at myself, knowing no matter how good I might look now, the second we had her over to Miss. Kline I'm going to look like a mess from my tears.

"You ready?"

Brad reaches out for my hand, the dogs and Sienna walking in front of us as she leads the way.

"No... but she is. And somehow, that's all that seems to matter."

"She'll be fine. We've done good with her. She'll be the class leader by the end of today."

"She sure will."