Memory Documentation

chapter thirteen | documenting life's real monsters

Suddenly, my screen was blocked courtesy of a dirty, stained rag being thrown on top of it. "If you don't wipe that look of your face, I'll do it for ya."

"Ben!" I scowled and threw the rag in the direction of his retreating back. It zoomed right over his shoulder, his right ear hooking it before it could go any further. He yelped and turned to retaliate when a shout from behind the counter ceased any vengeful counterattack.

"Hey! Cut the shit – you're lucky we've closed up," Ronnie shouted at us before disappearing behind the kitchen doors. Ben put his hands up in a ceasefire and slid into the booth next to me.

"All right, all right, I'll stop. But who ya textin'? Whoever it is is making you frown in a funny way," he said, leaning over to take a peek at my phone.

"Not texting, just trying to call."

"Ah, I feel you. Cassady does the same thing. Has to rehearse in her mind what she's going to say before making a call. It's cute when she tries to order food. She'll rehearse to herself as the phone rings, before the person answers."

"Why don't you be a good boyfriend and just make the call for her?" I asked.

He shrugs. "I'm building her confidence! One phone call at a time."

At that, I had to nod. After all, I like to think I've upped my confidence by working with one customer at a time here at the cafe. "Point taken. But, anyway, I'm trying to call Papa's sister-in-law."

"The one you stayed with in California?"

"Yup, that's her," I sighed. "But I'm a little nervous to call her. Don't get me wrong – she wasn't mean to me or anything. I'm thankful she opened her home to us when Papa got sick. She took care of us. She drove me to school before I took the bus and sometimes cooked me breakfast in the morning. You know, things like that.  She was nice enough..."

Ben tilted his head. "But...?"

"But... I think she and Papa act as a painful reminder to each other of Evellyn. Add me into the mix and I was a reminder to Suzie about the sister and nephew she lost."

It's true that Suzie never mistreated me, but she was distant. Our interactions were rarely organic. Our conversations felt more like strained small talk than conversation. Papa says that she and Evellyn weren't that close as siblings, but rather had done things like have the occasional catch up call every few months or send holiday cards when the occasion arrived. I have my own suspicion that she harbors guilt for not doing more before her sister died. I suspect that maybe it's the reason she opened her home to me and Papa during Papa's health battle but is reminded of her guilt every time she looks at us.

"She put a roof over our heads, but it always just felt like that. A roof over our heads. Never..."

"Like home?" he suggested, nodding in understanding. "Well, I think it explains a lot about why you're always saying you hate Cali. It just wasn't home to you." At that, Ben slid out of the booth, dirty rag in tow. He tossed it up in the air and caught it again in one swift movement, before tossing it back at me.

"Ben!" I growled back as the rag landed on my forearm resting on the table. This time, his retreat was much faster. The rag wasn't even close to touching him when I threw it.

"Glad to have you here, Darce! Gives me someone to annoy. Keeps the day interesting!" he called from over his shoulder before disappearing into the back. I huffed in annoyance, but didn't bother to smother a smile as I stood up from the booth and went to find Papa in the kitchen.

But, for some reason, Ben's words remained an echo in my head even as we closed up and headed out into the streets.

Home.