Doritos (Lashton)

Buddy, Have You Seen Yourself?!

Luke's eyes fluttered open, and he blinked to adjust his eyes to the darkened room. His naked body was Ashton's, their limbs tangled. Ashton had his legs curled around Luke's waist, and sheets bunched up between his head and Luke's chest. Luke smiled softly at the sight and pressed a small kiss to Ashton's forehead, before detangling himself.

It took a moment, and when Ashton whimpered and sifted around trying to find Luke's warm body again, Luke considered returning back to bed, but he wanted some water. Luke found a pair of sweatpants, which he loosely tied at his waist, before he covered up Ashton properly, and made his way downstairs shutting the door.

Michael and Calum were sitting on the barstools at the island, glasses of juice and plates of pancakes in front of them. Luke greeted them good morning, before he grabbed a glass and filled it with water. He heard snorts and failed attempts at hiding laughter behind him, so he turned around in annoyance.

"What?!"

"You totally had sex with Ashton last night"

"W-what...how'd you even- we weren't loud at all!"

"Buddy, have you seen yourself?! Put on a shirt before your mother comes down...and maybe take a shower, you smell like sex"

Luke groaned at his reflection in the fridge. His hair was unruly, more so than usual, and his lips were swollen. Hickeys marked up his chest and there were scratches all the way down his back. Luke groaned again, flipping of Michael and Calum before he returned back to his room, seeing Ashton slowly stretch awake.

"Good morning Ash, you feeling alright"

"Sore. But I'm good, you?"

"Apparently I look and smell like sex...gonna shower, wanna come?"

"M'kay"
*****
Luke finished his final Dorito, before he crumpled the bag into the garage can, telling Ashton he just needed to use the bathroom. Ashton licked another bit off of his ice cream, sitting in the empty diner, waiting for Luke. He felt a presence beside him, so he turned and smiled, it immediately faltering once he saw Ryan.

"Oh"

"Hey Ashy, hows my favourite fag doing"

"Fuck off"

Ashton mumbled and cast his eyes down, Ryan's insults and words like slaps to his face. He winced after every cruel mock, and when Ryan finally left, his last words about Ashton being a "fat whore" brought tears to his eyes.

He tried to calm himself down, but they soon dripped down onto the table. Ashton quickly tossed his remaining ice cream out, and left the diner, messaging Luke about how he had to go.

He felt bad at first, leaving Luke, but soon Ashton realized it was probably for the better. Luke wouldn't want to deal with Ashton's pathetic, crying self.
*****
Ashton was home alone for the first time in a long time.

At first, his mother didn't want him to be, and told him to stay with Luke, but the truth was Ashton felt like he needed to be alone. Maybe he was burdening Luke. Ashton had done his best to stay positive, and keep his mind clear, but one thought lead to another, and before he knew it, he couldn't breathe.

His throat felt tight and his heart was racing, tears pooling onto the bathroom floor. All of his self hatred, everything he'd so carefully pushed away, was slowly filtering back into his head.

Like a poison, it filled his veins, and before long, he was so helpless. Fuck, Ashton was so hurt. So damaged, that when someone finally treated him the way he deserved to he he couldn't accept it. Ashton brought his knees to his chest, violently shaking with every sob. His head hurt, and heart felt numb. He felt so empty. It was the worst feeling, as if a part of his soul had died, and he hated it. He couldn't even be alone with his own thoughts.

He was pathetic.

Ashton wanted Luke's arms around him right now, but what would Luke think? He'd think Ashton was so weak, so pathetic that he always needed to be near him. He'd call Ashton clingy, and he'd leave him. Forever.

Ashton no longer had any sense, and his mind was rushing to hasty conclusions, illogical thoughts corrupting his brain. Ashton couldn't stop himself from walking to the kitchen, he couldn't stop himself from grabbing the knife.

The blade was held just above the scarred skin on his wrists, when Ashton found the slightest breath of hope. Through sobs and shaky hands, he called Luke, frantically sobbing into the line.

"L-lu"

"Ash, Ashton. Baby, what's wrong? Where are you"

"He-help me. P-please"

Ashton dropped his phone and stared at the knife, eyes widened in fear. He didn't want to, yet he had to. The urge was so strong, and he needed to cut himself. He deserved the pain. Hot tears blurred Ashton's vision, and he heard desperate knocks at the door.

Ashton couldn't get up.

The knife was already cutting through his flesh when it was thrown out of his hands. Calum fell to his knees in front of Ashton, eyes widened with fear. Luke followed moments later, tears streaming down his own face as he fell beside Ashton, kissing the boys face as he held him.

"F-fuck babe"

"M'sorry L-Lu, I-I couldn't help it"

Ashton twisted the material of Luke's shirt in his fists, hot tears soaking through it. Luke shushed him, before Calum pressed wet paper towels to Ashton's wrist.

They sat in silence for a moment, before Luke picked Ashton up, carefully carrying the boy upstairs.

He was scared, to put it lightly.

Suddenly Luke didn't want Ashton to be alone, partly because he didn't even know what triggered Ashton or caused him to relapse. After a few gentle questions, Ashton mumbled something along the lines of Ryan, and Luke understood, his blood boiling.

There wasn't any time to deal with Ryan however, so Luke focused his attention on Ashton, before he told Calum to fetch a glass of water. Ashton seemed to calm down a little more when it was just the two of them, and the way Luke ran the pad of his thumb over Ashton's wrists and thighs brought him some comfort.

"S-sorry"

"It's ok. You're ok"

"I-I couldn't h-help it Luke, I-I can't even b-be alone...I'm so...s-so pathetic"

"No, you called me...it takes a lot to let yourself become that vulnerable. I-I'm gonna help you, ok? Just breathe through it"

"Mhm"

Ashton sniffled, and let silent tears fall from his eyes, Luke's biting his lip to stop his own tears.

"D-don't leave me Lu"

"Wouldn't dream of it"