Married into Alpha Lord

Chapter 30

I asked Harry that I was too tired and want to rest when we arrived back. He didn't question me and let me stay in my room alone for the rest of the day. He only came back to bring me dinner. I barely touch it. It's a bad move, knowing it's not that long since I fully recover and finally got permission to go out. I feel guilty for the food, but I just don't have any appetite to swallow that. Harry comes back with a small portion of mixed berry pudding after he retrieves my dinner. My favorite dessert taste bland that night.

I just silently stay inside, looking out of the window. Trying to rest. Trying to ignore all scenarios for future possibilities. Trying to not think of anything. When midnight comes and I climb on the bed, I haven't made any peace.

I spent the following days trying to behave normally. Going back to my routine, acting like nothing affect me. Waking up, reviewing the incoming documents, then stay in the library. Once I try to release these strange emotions on the practice room, but end up hurting myself. Yuan forbids me to go there until my hand heals. At the time when he treats me, I didn't dare to confront him. Sometimes, Aria asked me to help for the party preparation. I gladly do. I need distractions.

Being curious and feeling unsatisfied with this uncertainty, I try to look up for my conditions. Enriching the knowledge of this world's biological system. I found some possible answers from a rare medical journal. There are two types of cases similar to mine. One where it really just the low level of the hormones and can easily be fixed by taking fertility medication. The others is that of genetic mutation found in male which make only ICSH active while the LH remain inactive, in which I think you just become a normal male to my standard. If my case is the second one, then everything will just look like... a tragedy. It can't be helped. I can never get pregnant. I'm actually more concerned if my case is the first one. Then all decision is upon me, whether I'm taking medication or not. Whether I want to have a child or not.

Will Darren let me live here if I couldn't give him heir?

No, the real question is: Do I still want to be here?  I'm not gonna lie, but as my relationship with Darren seems improving, I'm reconsidering my old choice to escape from this place.

Researching on this topic is like opening a pandora box that exists in the corner of my mind ever since I arrived. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to think of. I tried to keep myself busy to avoid getting back to this thought.

Sunday come soon and Darren came back. I didn't notice that the mansion has undergone some transformations by Aria. Several furniture has been added, removed, or rearranged for the party. I only notice the change when I come down to the main hall to greet Darren upon his return.

People are lining up when a car approaches the front door. I never realize that this house holds many people. I only interact with limited people and I feel comfortable with other's passivity.

Since I got here, the first time Darren come back from a long trip is from our Dorsenburg trip, where I arrived later than him. I obviously didn't get this kind of treatment. The second is when he came back from the capital, which I was too sick to even move from bed. Seeing this many people are waiting for his return makes me realize that Darren sure is the Master of this house.

"Welcome back Master," George greets him. Yeah, George didn't come with Darren to the training ground and that's one of the reasons I prefer the library than Darren's office. He walk through and then stop in front of me. "Hi," I greet him with awkwardness while Darren handover his coat to a maid. What should I say?

"What's my schedule for today, George," Darren asked.

"We've booked a tailor to fit your suit for the party later this evening. Other than that, the usual paperwork," George replied. 

"I have something to discuss with you. Come, Caden."

I follow Darren, having inner debate on what to say to him. Before long, we arrive in his office and Darren asked George to bring him some coffee before walking inside.

"I'm publishing your translation works," Darren said immediately after the door is closed.

I halt in shock upon this sudden news. What? Why? What's the reason? Why so suddenly? The translation works that I deem unnecessary knowing that they've replaced the skill with good enough technology.

"And, you'll get all the credits," he added.

"Wait!" I responded immediately, "I don't want to be credited," I said. The last thing I wanted is being known for my actual skill, increasing the chance of others knowing my secret.

"I didn't ask you, I'm telling you," Darren said.

"Also, the first research discussion with delegations from Dorsenburg will be held next month. As part of the agreement, you are coming to the capital with me," Darren continues to give me unexpected news. "Your publication will serve to show some of your worth to people, you know," Darren added like justifying his own actions.

I was too amused to even response and I know it's not worth reacting. Why my life progress too fast, and I thought I could get a quiet life. With all these important news that Darren gave me, I am not sure whether to tell him mine anymore.