The Horrors Of Which My Past Has Haunted Me (Darkiplier/Damien x Reader)

Incertezza

At first, it felt like I was floating, my lips following exactly what he did and succumbing to the hold he had on them. My eyes fell closed And my lips pressed to his, my distorted mind letting him take control and do as he liked.

It was like this was how it was supposed to be. Like a doll or a robot, set to do what the other wanted without any fuss. His hands felt warm as one slid into my hair, the other falling to my side and resting there with a soft, yet firm hold. This went on for a few moments, him soon moving us so he was towering over my now laying body. His lips stayed connected to mine as his one hand started to slip under my shirt, up my bare waist.

With the feeling of his hand dragging across my skin, my somewhat faded mind felt like it g̷̷l̷̷i̷̷t̷̷c̷̷̷h̷̷e̷̷d̷.

As if toxic, the taste of his lips was bitter and sour, the feeling of his hands fueling a burning, unbridled rage of a feeling. The feeling of his breath upon my face and his thighs entrapping me pushed that anger further. These feelings were not my own. They fueled a deep confusion within me as the two drastically different feelings rippled through like stormy waters.

I very suddenly felt the need to shove him away, my arms moving on their own as they lifted violently to his shoulders and pushed as hard as they could on them.

His eyes widened as he was thrown off, a look of deep confusion filling his face while he sits on the bed beside me.

My mind feels like it clears, the rage draining away along with the foggy feeling that resides with it. Eyes widening, my head quickly shakes in a small panic as I sit up and move towards Mark. "M-mark I don't know what came over me... I'm sorry..." I scramble to speak, feeling apologies roll off my tongue like they were always supposed to remain there.

He analyzes my face for a moment, his brown eyes quizzically dragging over my panicked, apologetic face and landing on my balled up fists. Anxiety riddles every cell in my body. My mind feels like it's sparking out, like theres neurons that are disconnected and split.

After a moment and a deep sigh, his hand lands on top of one of the fists, gently curling underneath and taking my hand within his. He gently pulls me into a hug, my body tensing as it presses against his. "It's alright, (y/n). Maybe I pushed you a bit far. Let's just go back to sleep, okay?"

Slowly but surely, my tense body loosens and relaxes into his. My head rests gently on his shoulder, my arms falling to his sides. He sighs pleasantly, and lays us back onto the bed, keeping is this way as we fall back asleep.

The sleep is dreamless as I remain pressed against him, my head in the crook of his neck.

===

When I wake up, I'm still pressed against his body, my hand resting on his chest and my head on his shoulder. The room is basked in the warm glow of the sunlight, falling in from the blinds in stripes. Gentle chirps fall into the silent room from the birds singing from the trees outside.

My eyes look over his sleeping face gently, observing him at his most peaceful times. His mouth is slightly agape and his face is purely neutral, looking young and kind with the emotionless expression. I sigh softly and bite my lip, looking him over as I lay my head back onto the pillow.

I don't know what I feel for him.

But it somewhat scares me.

He makes me feel so safe, like when I'm near him everything is going to be fine. But at the same time, there's still so much I don't understand.

I wish he would let me in more. Let me understand.

"What are you doing, my dear?"

With his words I jump, realizing my fingers had made their way up to his lips to trace gently on his soft lips.

"N-nothing!" I blush bright red, wanting to hide in deep embarrassment. A deep chuckle falls from his lips and his hand lifts to gently caress my cheek. I blink softly and look at his smirking face, his eyes a faint red as they gently read my own. 

"Not to worry~, It was a nice way to wake up my dear." His gentle, sing songy voice lulls me into comfort, causing me to let out a gentle giggle.

"Well that's good then. Glad to give you a nice awakening." I smile gently and sit up slowly. He follows in suit, sitting up in a peaceful silence and gently pulling me to lean into his shoulder as he places a gentle kiss on my forehead and staying in this position.

After a while of this, my stomach softly growls, influencing him to chuckle once more. "It might be best to feed you, hm? Wouldn't want you to starve to death." He pulls away, leaving a cold spot where he once was as he stretches and moves towards the door. As he gets close, he realizes I haven't gotten up, turning towards me. "You coming?"

"O-oh! Sure." I quickly scramble up, chasing after him as he walks out of the room, leaving the door open for me to follow.