To Mend a Broken Memory - [Troy Otto]

Chapter XXVII

I wake up panting, feeling sweat all over my forehead. I am still leaning against the wall and everything is quiet. It must be around dawn, judging from the light outside. I can't calm my breath, since I just had a terrible nightmare. Gosh... this race is driving me insane and I have a hideous headache. In the corner of the cave I notice the wolf dog, still curled and quietly staring at me.

"Hey buddy. I think it's time I give you a name, apparently, you're going to stick around. I'll call you Shadow, it's the first thing I saw of you" she tilts her head in curiosity, not understanding a word. I chuckle to myself.

"You know, Shadow... I've had a terrifying nightmare. I can't even tell you, it's too scary to even say it out loud. And you were a dog in it."

"She is a dog. I told you." and I freeze on the spot. This isn't Shadow replying to me, it's Troy. But if he's here and he's saying what I dreamt of then it means... Oh fu*k. But why does he look so... normal?! He should be freaking out now if that really happened. My eyes open so wide and they look so horrified that Troy immediately understands what's going through my mind.

"Oh no. I'll stop you right there. I can literally see your paranoid thoughts from here. We can't afford that, we have work to do"

"How are you not freaked out?" he looks away, looking deadly serious and completely focused on something else.

"Let's go" he mutters and I can barely hear him.

I automatically follow in his step, as if I was a robot. And Shadow follows us too. Now that I notice, she has the behaviour of a dog, actually. But my thoughts are busy at the moment. Flashes of last night keep storming in my head and my head is about to explode.

We keep walking in silence. Troy gazes at me and at Shadow every once in a while, but no one dares speak. I can't even look at him. Today its blue is cold, still, motionless. Last night it was like staring at stormy water. I think I'll blame it on the tiredness, the risk of an imminent death and probably the confusion of the last days. But it shouldn't have happened nonetheless. As usual, I fail to understand him though. When he kissed me voluntarily, he acted like a crazy person the day after, today he seems almost quiet. It's creepy. Because it makes me afraid he'll snap all of a sudden.

I am following him blindly, too focused on my thoughts. So I don't immediately realise we got lost when Troy stops in the middle of nowhere.

"I don't understand. The little brat said to go north. We should be seeing the end of the trees right now"

"So much for being a nature boy, Troy" this comment is out of place. But I can't find any other way to speak to him right now. I must return to the way I've always treated him, perhaps this way it'll be easier to forget. He wisely ignores my comment and scans the terrain around us.

"Stop fu*king ruminating and be useful"

"You said I can't survive without you so, apparently you're the indispensable one. Time to prove your theory"

Rain starts to pour on us. Great, truly what we needed today. But at least I can refill the empty bottle of water I had in my bag. I feel Troy cursing between himself, and this is probably the first time I see him uncertain on what to do. But I think he's distracted due to obvious reasons too, although he won't admit it to me. It was shocking for me this morning. But I can barely imagine what a big deal it must have been to him. That's why the fact the acts normal-ish is unsettling for me.

Then I notice Shadow sniffing around and I give her the bottle Madison touched. I know that with the rain covering smells it's a gamble, but we're out of options. We could be stuck in this wood wandering for days, if we don't come up with something. I also know she's not a hound, but at this point it's worth the try. She sniffs quietly and then she starts walking, but she doesn't look like she's picking on a scent, she's just walking. But I follow her.

"Come on, before I see smoke coming out your brain" I incite him. He looks at me following Shadow and raises an eyebrow sceptically.

"Really. That's your idea"

"I know she might be chasing mice, but I don't see any other options. You're free to keep that pine company if you prefer" as I turn around to see if he's following me, I see him take a step and then lose the balance for a second.

"What's wrong?" I ask cautiously.

"Nothing. Haven't fully recovered from the fever"

"It's raining so perhaps we should stop-"

"I said it's fine" he cuts me off with a harsh tone. I knew he would have pulled out his worst version after all that.

"Suit yourself. If you want to die, who am I to get in your way" damn stubborn he is.

We keep walking in silence. But my blood is literally boiling. I can't keep all of this frustration and tension to myself.

"Troy..."

"Don't" he doesn't even give me a second to continue my sentence. It's crystal clear he doesn't want to talk about it.

"Hey, I am as shocked as you are" I protest, but he sort of smirks, bitterly.

"I highly doubt that"

"No need to mention this will never happen again. But, why did you do that" that's the question that has tormented me all along. Never seemed the guy who could unload pressure that way. He was totally lost in the moment, he couldn't find his way back and for a second he looked like someone else. This sense of normalcy and humanity must have twisted him. It has surely done it to me.

"I said don't. It's forgotten, hear me?!" he keeps stubbornly keeping it all inside. He's pretending nothing happened, and I would gladly do the same, if I knew how.

"Teach me to be in denial like you, because I am this close to a nervous breakdown"

"Why don't you distract yourself by keeping an eye on that dog before we lose her?!" and here he is, trying to change the subject again.

"Can I be honest?" I insist.

"Can you be quiet?" he replies instantly. But I don't listen.

"I didn't think you'd take it that way. I was sure you'd snap and kill me because you wouldn't accept to have emotions and human instinct. Anyway, all of this was weird. You didn't look like yourself."

"Neither did you. And that was the only good thing" he's trying to provoke me to move the argument on another level, our fighting usual level, but I ignore him. Nonetheless, my voice trembles in my next words.

"Troy, what happened?" I don't really expect an answer, but I didn't even expect him to react that way the other night, so this proves he's unpredictable on many levels.

"I don't know, ok?! Seriously. Drop it" he instinctively puts a hand around my throat, without squeezing, just to intimidate me. But as I put my hand on his to remove it, he releases me immediately as if my fingers burnt his skin. And that's where I understand better how screwed up he must be right now. So I make my tone a little more conciliating.

"Look, I am trying to meet you halfway. Is there anything you want to tell me?" Despite my head aching and all my thoughts tormenting me, I guess somehow this was worse on him, so asking him feels like the right thing to do. He doesn't even look my way and keeps silent for a while. Just when I thought he might not answer at all, he mumbles something in his usual tone.

"Spill this to a single soul and I'll kill you for real" an ironic sigh escapes my lips.

"How disappointing, Troy. You're becoming predictable. Besides, it's not something I would go brag about"

"The real question is what happened to you" I am opening my mouth but at first I don't know what to say, I can't explain it to myself. I just went with the flow, couldn't explain any better. But I don't owe him any explanation since he's not given any. As I am trying to speak up and try to redirect the conversation, he cuts me off with a hand gestures, stretching his ears.

"Ssh. Heard that?" Shadow has her ears ready too. And she's staring at our left.

"What" and then I do hear it. Plus, we see some smoke in the distance.

"Now I have. Someone screamed" 

Hi there, sorry for delay. Hope it was worth the wait, anyway this is a bridge towards the other one. Enjoy and let me know :D