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As I put the pills in my mouth and swallow I do the stupidest thing. When I drink the water I accidentally swallow wrong making me cough up all the water and the stupid pills.

I cough for a good ten minutes trying to get water out of my lungs to breath. Once I'm done with my coughing fit I take a moment to breathe.

Fuck..

I can't even kill myself without fucking up. I feel defeated and the mood seems to be ruined. Now I'm shakey and scared. I thought I was going to choke and die and that scared me...

I'm such a fucking idiot. I grab my lighter, step outside, and burn my suicide note. I'll try again in a week or so and I'll write a better note.

Now what?

I look at my bleeding arm and roll my eyes. Maybe I should have just cut vertical and deeper. I look at my phone and frown. Could kellin help me feel less hopeless right now?

Will he really answer?

I press call as I watch blood drip from my arm to my floor. I don't even care if it stains.

"Hii," I hear kellin giggle as he answers. Oh, he's drunk. I knew when I pressed call I would have to talk but I still feel the anxiety. I hope I dont hurt him somehow with this call.

"Hey.. um.. you're at the party?" I ask unsure of what to say. I just.. I want a hug. I want kellin to cheer me up.

"Indeed but I'm all alone, oh! I'm going to go to my new friends how and force him to the party," He giggles. Wait. New friend.. me? He wants me to go to the party?

"Yeah no.. how about you just stay there and hope he shows. You sound drunk so that could be dangerous," I say getting up. Fuck I'm still bleeding. I need to get there before he tried to walk here and get ran over or stopped by cops.

"Are you okay?" He asks. I actually feel like I might cry.. I'm just so sad.

"Im.." I pause and take a breath. "I don't know.." I say and hang up. I dont know what is wrong with me but I feel like I have to go see kellin. I wash my warm off and dry it with a paper towel. It's still bleeding but it's starting to stop so I roll my loose while and black sleeves down and leave my shed.

I go into my house and grab my dads keys. I don't care if I get in trouble. I'm already going to get hit anyways. That's why I stay in my shed.

When I pull up to the Fuentes house and get out I see kellin making his way to me with a smile. He's definitely been drinking. He giggles and then starts hugging me. I gently hug him back making sure I dont hurt my arms in the process.

"Oops sorry, I like hugs," he says pulling away but I need this hug.. I grab him before he pulls away and then hug the intoxicated clueless boy. Its okay he doesn't know what I'm going through.

"I think I can hug you forever," he tells me and I close my eyes trying not to cry. I need this hug to last forever. But after a while we have to break away.

"Mmm, maybe um oh.. no. I think I'm to tipsy to make that decision," he slurs and giggles. I wonder what he was going to say.

I grab his hips and he blushes and looks at me. He's so fucking adorable.

"Oh so- wait. I don't remember," he starts and then adds "Can we go sit in the backyard?" I nod in agreement of his question.

Kellin grabs my hand and starts leading me to the back yard. He smacks into the clean class window and I hear some laughs but I just smirk at how adorable he is and lead him outside.

-

"Thank you for coming, I missed you," he says. I smile at this information. "Missed? Yeah I know it's silly because we just met but you.. your weird. Oops, not in a bad way- I? Um.. gosh your confusing me. I don't know how I feel about you. I shouldn't want to talk you so much," he rambles and then drinks his drink embarrassed.

He's so adorable. I look up for a moment at the stars and then to him. He's full on checking me out but I dont mind. He looks at my lips and then he realizes I can see him and blushed for the thousandth time.

After a little while he tells me he wants another hug and then he ends up on my lap hugging me. I love affectionate kellin. It makes me feel better.

"I'm not good with physical contact but this is fun," He tells me and I hum in response and rub his back. I want to slide my hands up his shirt but he's drunk and he might not appreciate that..

I'm so glad he does realize I was the one who called. I dont even think he remembers it.

"When I'm sober can you hug me and try to make me like it? I know sober kellin wouldn't appreciate me telling you this but he needs hugs. But shhh, I wont remember this," He tells me with sleepiness in his voice.

He feels like he's going to fall asleep on me but I have 0 problem with that. That just means I can hold him for a long time without him feeling uncomfortable.

What am I going to do when I am ready to go? Take him home with me?

Its almost five in the morning hhhhhhh okokokokok Goodnight ily

Um thoughts?

What do you thing about how there relationship is building?

Do you think kellin will remember Oli talking?

I'm so tired but I wanted to post this tonight.

- kittrellix