Hermitcraft Oneshots

"Today you, tomorrow me."

Tw/ Mentions of spiders & a somewhat infestation. Run if you have arachnophobia.

Written by:

thebirdfantasy
hapyhappiness
Duskstorm1
p3pp3r_
hxrmits
DracoDragonGirl

Uhhh Cub's chillin' with his spider bros until Joe crashes the party, with a hundred mobs right after him....?

Word count: 1000ish I'm too lazy to properly check
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Cub loved animals, no matter the shape or size. Arachnids were no exception. Whenever he found a spider in his house, he calmly picked them up and placed them outside. Every so often, he would whisper "Today you, tomorrow me," as an inside joke. He didn't think they were actually listening, and he sort of hoped they weren't. He didn't want people thinking he was some kind of idiot or nerd.

"CUBBBBB! I REQUIRE YOUR ASSISTANCE IN THIS DIRE SITUATION!" A southern accent yelled - Joe.

"Yes? What do you need?" Cub's monotone voice replied.

An arrow sped by Cub's head, narrowly missing him. "What the-" he looked out the window to see - tons of mobs?

"CUUUUB!" Joe yelled again, making Cub rush to where he was. "There's tiny spiders everywhere!!!" Joe squealed, standing on the kitchen countertop in fear, a terrified expression on his face.

"Oh," Cub spoke after some silence, "Just spiders." Joe looked at him, still terrified.

"Spiders are terrifying, it isn't 'just spiders,'" Joe exclaimed.

"Just pick them up on a piece of paper and place them outside. It's not that hard," Cub explained then added on to his previous statement, "Unless you're too 'scared', they aren't a problem."

Joe, who was still paralyzed in fear, watched from a few blocks away as Cub came closer to the tiny spiders. The madlad whispered something that went like, "Hey, my friend Joe is afraid of you guys... I kinda have to move you."

But to his surprise, the spiders just backed off. Cub was shocked and knew that Joe was probably as well.

"That was cool, but we still have a problem here Cub!" Joe yelled as a zombie started banging on the door.

"Ah shoot. How many mobs are out there?" Cub asked as he saw the spiders retreat to a gap in the floorboards.

"Around one hundred." Joe gulped and Cub did a double take.

Cub sighed. Scar had started building a house next to his and ever since there had been mobs everywhere, but his house was usually pretty safe. They must have followed Joe. That didn't explain the spiders though. Why were there so many inside, and why did they just listen to him? He looked down at the spiders curiously. He could have sworn he saw one of them wink and another nod at him.

"Do you think it's a glitch?" Joe asked.

"I don't know." Cub said, distracted.

"Maybe it's because X was trying to update the server. Perhaps it's because Scar never lights up his builds. Or it could be..." Joe ranted on and on. It went in through one ear and out the other for Cub.

Cub ignored Joe's rant, staring out the window. "This is so straNGE-" he yelped the last of his word, throwing himself on the floor as the glass shattered and a shovel skidded across the kitchen floor. "What the-"

"Cub! Are y'alright?!" Joe asked frantically, forgetting his fear of spiders and jumping off the countertop, watching in awe as the spiders parted at his feet.

"Yeah, what the hell was that?" Cub asked breathlessly, pulling out his sword and swiping at a zombie that tried climbing through. "Joe, get down!-"

"Ack-" Joe ducked at Cub's word, and narrowly avoided being hit with an arrow. "Thanks—"

"Thank me later, once the mobs are gone!" Cub told Joe, still trying to swing his sword at the zombies trying to get in. Joe pulled a sword out as well, helping Cub, but even together they weren't putting much of a dent on the number. There were too many.

Creak... Thud. Thud. Joe picked up on the sound of zombies banging on something. Joe suddenly realized what it was.

"Zombies are breaking down the door!"

The two, scared, backed away towards the wall. Fear laced the two.

But then, something happened. They watched as the door broke down, but before the zombies could take a step in, the spiders crawled over them.

"Woah... how are they..?" Joe asked and Cub shrugged. The spiders kept going, mowing down the zombies as they tried to enter. Cub and Joe took this as a sign of the spiders being on their side and went back to the window to stop the zombies from getting in.

Cub watched the spiders crawl over the zombies, devouring them one by one at an unnatural speed. "Not just how, why...?" he muttered under his breath. Suddenly, he felt a singular spider crawl up his sleeve. It stopped at his shoulder, and in his ear it whispered,

"Today you, tomorrow me. What should we do next, master?"

"Maybe settle for a while? Unless you guys want something to eat." Cub whispered back.

"Eat, we won't. Rest, we shall." The spider crawled back and scurried out to door.

"Did- Did you just talk to that spider?" Joe said, astonished.

"Uh, maybe." Cub said.

"This is... amazing! You just communicated with a mob! You- you-"

"Yeah, I know. I don't know why they listen though." Cub frowned.

"You're kind to them. They're probably just repaying you!" Joe suggested, watching the spiders scuttle away. "That's cursed..." He shivered, turning back to Cub, who was desperately trying to block the holes up.

Finally, the two patched up the holes together and with the spiders fighting any extra mobs that spawned throughout the night, Cub and Joe could finally relax. Or Cub, atleast. Joe was still freaked out about the spiders.

"So um..." Cub turned to Joe. "Maybe we should tell Scar to light up his bloody builds?"

"LANGUAGE!" Joe replied. "But yeah, we probably should."

The two watched the sun rise, exhausted from the fight. Mob drops littered the floor and the large cluster of spiders had disappeared - Cub thanked them internally.

The end.

Welp.. that happened.