Divorced.
- King Henry VIII's first wife, Catherine of Aragon.
Beheaded.
- The second wife, Catherine's lady-in-waiting, Anne Boleyn.
Died.
- Jane Seymour, who died after giving Henry his long-wanted heir to the throne.
Divorced.
- Anna of Cleves, the first wife to come to Henry's new tyrannical reign after 2 years of mourning Jane Seymour.
Beheaded.
- Kathryn Howard, the youngest of the six wives, who was executed at just 19, Henry was nearly 50.
Survived.
- Catherine Parr, the final wife, who was widowed at Henry's death in 1547.
And tonight, we are LIVE!
Aragon: Listen up, let me tell you a story!
Boleyn: A story that you think you've heard before!
Seymour: We know you know our names, and our fame, and our faces;
Cleves: Know all about the glories, and the disgraces.
Howard: I'm done, 'cause all this time, I was just one word in a stupid rhyme!
- This is digging at the Divorced, Beheaded, Died, Divorced, Beheaded, Survived rhyme, used to remember the wives for centuries.
Parr: So I picked up a pen and a microphone;
Queens: History's about to get overthrown!
Aragon: Divorced!
Boleyn: Beheaded!
Seymour: Died!
Cleves: Divorced!
Howard: Beheaded!
Parr: Survived!
Queens: But just for you tonight, we're-
Aragon & Cleves: Divorced;
Boleyn & Howard: Beheaded;
Queens: LIVE!
Queens: Welcome to the show, to the historemix, switching up the flow as we add the prefix, everybody knows that we used to be six wives!
- Adding the prefix means they're adding the "ex" to "wives"
Queens: Raising up the roof till we hit the ceiling, get ready for the truth that we'll be revealing, everybody knows that we used to be six wives, but now we're ex-wives!
Aragon: All you ever hear and read about,
Boleyn: Is our ex and the way it ended!
Seymour: But a pair doesn't beat a royal flush;
Cleves: You're gonna find out how we got unfriended.
Howard: Tonight! We're gonna do ourselves justice, 'cause we're taking you to court!
Parr: And every Tudor rose has its thorns, and you're gonna hear 'em live, in consort!
- Every wife was referred to as "queen consort" which is why it says "in consort" rather than "in concert"
Queens: Welcome to the show to the historemix, switching up the flow as we add the prefix, everybody knows that we used to be six wives! Dancing to the beat till the break of day once, we're done we'll start again like it's the Renaissance!
- The wives lived in a time known as the Renaissance, simple.
Queens: Everybody knows that we used to be six wives, but now we're-
Aragon: Ex-wives.!
Queens: Divorced.
Aragon: My name's Catherine of Aragon, was married 24 years, I'm a paragon of royalty-
- Catherine's parents were Isabella I of Castile and Ferdinand II of Aragon, the immensely powerful King and Queen of Spain, which made her powerful automatically.
Aragon: My loyalty is to the Vatican, so if you try to dump me, you won't try that again!
- Catherine was a devout Roman Catholic, and Henry was excommunicated from the Catholic Church after his request to the Pope, who was close with Catherine's nephew, Charles V of Spain, to divorce her.
Queens: Beheaded.
Boleyn: I'm that Boleyn girl, and I'm up next, see I broke England from the Church, yeah I'm that sexy!
- When the Pope wouldn't grant Henry the divorce he so wanted, Henry used Martin Luther's Protestant movement to break from the Catholic Church and form his own Anglican Church of England to grant himself a divorce, causing both him and Anne Boleyn to be excommunicated.
Boleyn: Why did I lose my head? Well, my sleeves may be green but my lipstick's red...
- Anne was beheaded because she allegedly committed adultery against Henry, and it's speculated that he composed the song Greensleeves about her.
Queens: Died.
Seymour: Jane Seymour, the only one he truly loved!
Queens: Rude!
Seymour: When my son was newly born, I died-
- 12 days after delivering Henry's long-wanted male heir, Edward, Jane passed away.
Seymour: But I'm not what I seem, or am I?
- Jane is regarded by historians as boring or vanilla.
Seymour: Stick around and you'll suddenly see more!
- Little Shop of Horrors reference! Nodding to Suddenly, Seymour, a song from that musical.
Queens: Divorced.
Cleves: Ich bin, Anna of Cleves!
- Anna came from a place in Germany called Cleves, she didn't even speak English for the majority of her short-lived marriage.
Queens: Ja?
Cleves: When he saw my portrait, he was like-
Queens: Ja!
- Henry judged who he wanted to marry based on their portraits, he fell for Anna's portrait by Hans Holbein, thought to be of very close likeness to the queen by modern standards.
Cleves: But I didn't look as good as I did in my pic,
- UNTRUE! Henry was publicly humiliated when his first meeting with Anna didn't go as planned, so he claimed that he had mislead her and wasn't as beautiful as her portrait portrayed her to be.
Cleves: Funny how we all discuss that, but never Henry's little-
- If you get it, you get it.
Howard: Prick up your ears! I'm the Kathryn who lost her head!
Queens: Beheaded!
- Three of Henry's wives had the name Catherine, with different spelling variations of course. One was divorced, one was beheaded, and the final survived.
Howard: For my promiscuity outside of wed!
- Kathryn was only a teenager, 19 at her death and 17 at her marriage, and she was manipulated into many premarital sexual relations by older men.
Howard: Lock up your husbands! Lock up your sons! K Howard is here, and the fun's begun!
Queens: Survived.
Parr: Five down, I'm the final wife, I saw him to the end of his life.
- Henry and Catherine married in 1543, and he died in 1547, leaving her widowed, until she married again.
Parr: I'm the survivor, Catherine Parr! I bet you wanna know how I got this far. I said, I bet you wanna know how we got this far!
Queens: Do you wanna know how we got this far?! Then, welcome to the show, to the historemix, switching up the flow as we add the prefix, everybody knows that we used to be six wives. Get your hands up! Get this party buzzing! You want a queen bee? Well there's half a dozen! Everybody knows that we used to be six wives... But now we're ex-wives!
Aragon: One!
Boleyn: Two!
Seymour: Three!
Cleves: Four!
Howard: Five!
Parr & Queens: SIX!
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wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow
now I realise how much I love history and the queendom in general, pretty crazy-
xoxo
YOU ARE READING
History: SIX
FanfictionHad this idea in my head for a while due to my obsession with six: the musical Here you'll find the lyrics to every song in six, and any facts tied to specific lyrics. Enjoy!
