The Babysitter

Six

possible trigger warning:
mentions of abuse +
minor abuse in this chapter.
-
Can we skip past near-death clichés
Where my heart restarts, as my life replays?
All I want is to flip a switch
Before something breaks that cannot be fixed.

I know, I know - the sirens sound
Just before the walls come down.
Pain is a well-intentioned weatherman
Predicting God as best he can,
But God I want to feel again.

Rain or shine, I don't feel a thing,
Just some information upon my skin.
I miss the subtle aches when the weather changed,
The barometric pressure we always blamed.
-
"So, do you want to tell me what happened?" Regina questioned.

"No" I looked her in the eye.

"Is it bad?"

I shook my head. "He hates me"

"He doesn't hate you" she smiled. "He loves you" she continued.

I shrugged my shoulders. We were now sitting on the couch, I just wanted to hug her some more. The hug at the door wasn't enough. I feel like my heart is shattering and I don't know what to do.

He's only ever hit me once, but I'm afraid he'll do it again. Regina doesn't even know he's hit me before. I was too afraid to tell her. I was too afraid to tell anyone, and still am.

"Emma?" Her voice brought me out of my thoughts. "What's going on up there in that head?"

"I'm scared" I've never told anyone that before, not even her.

I could see the confused look on her face, she didn't say anything.

"Nevermind" I looked away. "I think I should go back"

"Not now" she grabbed my hand. "Tell me what you're afraid of first"

"I'm scared of him, that's why I married him, that's why I had a kid with him, he scares me." I let out. I never told anyone that either.

"Why are you so afraid of him?"

"He's scary when he's upset, he's not afraid of anything" I squeeze her hand.

That confused look had come back upon her face.

"He'll hit me when he's upset, and sometimes it's bad. The hitting only happened once, but what if it happens again? What if I make him so upset one day he doesn't stop? Everything he says I do, because I can't make him too mad"

Regina just had sat in silence, I didn't know what else to say.

"Please say something" I looked at her hand. She had immediately let go of mine. "Regina, please talk to me" I sniffed.

"Why would he do that to you?" She questioned.

"I-I don't know" I grabbed her hand again. "But it's okay, as long as he never hurts Ava it's fine"

"Emma, it's not fine" she got closer to me. "Him hurting you is not fine, when did this start?"

"Before the marriage, years before" I said.

"Why didn't you tell me? I could've helped you, Emma" she said in a stern voice.

"I was afraid to tell people, but it's okay, can we please drop it?" I asked.

She nodded, and brought me into a hug. This hug is all I wanted the past few minutes, this is all I needed. Being in her warmth made me happy, she made me happy. I just have to find out a way for Ava to be here with us too.
-
Invisible machinery,
These moving parts inside of me
Well, they've been shutting down for quite some time,
Leaving only rust behind.

Well I know, I know - the sirens sound
Just before the walls come down.
Pain is a well-intentioned weatherman
Predicting God as best he can,
But God I want to feel again,
Oh God I want to feel again.

Down my arms, a thousand satellites
Suddenly discover signs of life.
-
I woke up in Regina's arms. It didn't even feel like last night had happened. I thought now would be a good time to head back to the house. I had to check on Ava and grab a few things for myself.

I slid out of Regina's arms not trying to wake her, but I ended up doing just exactly the opposite.

"Where are you going?" She said in a groggy voice.

"Back home" I said before grabbing my coat.

"I'm coming" she shot up, and grabbed her coat.

"It's okay, you don't have to"

"No, I want to"

I grabbed my keys, and headed towards my car as she followed along. I was hoping that he wouldn't be home at this time as Ava is supposed to be in school right now.

I started the car and headed towards the place I had called home.

After fifteen minutes we had arrived, I had noticed his car was in the driveway, meaning he was home.

"Wait here" I told Regina while getting out of the car.

She had just nodded.

I went into the house to only be met with Killian.

"Where have you been all night?" His voice started to get later.

"You told me to leave, so I did" I said.

"But, where did you go?" He questioned.

"Regina's" I said looking down. "I had nowhere else to go"

He started getting closer to me, and I backed up. "I just came to grab a few things, and see how Ava was doing"

"She's doing just fine without you"

I guess most people do fine without me.

"I just have to get a few things, then I'm gone. I promise" I said running up the stairs.

I grabbed some medicine, my phone charger, and some extra clothes. I threw it into an old duffel bag that had been sitting in our- his room. I grabbed the bag and went downstairs.

"Wait" he walked up to me, and smacked me right across the face. "That's for treating me like crap, don't come back here"

I ran outside, shutting the door behind me, and getting to my car. I couldn't wait to go back to Regina's. I would miss Ava, but there was just nothing I could do about this situation right now.