pick up the phone

27

I'm high but that's okay. That just means I'm relaxed and happy. It feels like I'm swimming but I'm walking.

Sal and Larry walk with me and when we get to the house I wonder if Oliver's even awake. Its 12pm.. I look at them. "If he invites me in then I guess you guys can go.. it was really nice talking to you," I say to both of them.

They smile also high. "Well maybe bye," sal says and hugs me. I hug back and then hug Larry. "Yeah maybe bye," I say and go to the porch and them knock on the door. I sway back and fourth feeling the weed's affects.

I should be nervous as hell but I'm decent right now. The door opens scaring me. I'm not sure if I knocked 5 seconds ago, 5 minutes ago, or some time in between.

Oli looks at me when he opens the door and then at my friends. I look down feeling like a lost puppy. Will he take me in? Or will he kick me out?

I'm startled when he starts hugging me. Physical contact is so weird when high. It's like I can feel more.

I smile feeling better already. I pull away but keep a hold on his shirt because it's hard to focus and I dont want him walking away and me not knowing. I turn to the two stoners.

"Bye, thank you!" I wave. They laugh and wave back.

"Good luck kellin," they say and start walking off.

"Come in," he says and I realize I was watching to long. I look at him trying to understand what exactly is happening. I look down and carefully step up the step into the house.

"Are you high?" He asks. Oops I've been caught. I smile at him and let go of him. He looks tired and like he was crying.

"Yea.. I'm sorry.. I stink," I say feeling really dirty. I need a shower or bath.  He nods agreeing with me. He looks shocked and confused to see me.

"Can I have a expiation?" He says crossing his arms. Why didn't he hit me or cuss me out? I have no clue. That's what happens when ever I come back to my ex's.

"Can I tell you as I take a bath?" I ask swaying back and fourth.

"Yeah," he says and I start to walk but I giggle when I see I'm not walking normal or straight.

I turn around and look at Oliver. "Carry me my legs are funny," I pout. He smiles sadly and come to my aid. He picks me up and goes to the bathroom with me. He sets me on the counter and starts getting a bubble bath ready for me.

"So nobody ever likes me. I don't even like myself. So I came to a conclusion that you dont like me," I say and take of my jacket and then my shirt. "So I decided that everything you've done is fake and out of pity," I explain as he watches me.

I carefully get of the counter pausing my talking as I do this. He stays quiet so I think he's waiting for me to tell him everything.

"I've been in so many abusive relationships that I'm scared this will turn out the same. So I left," I say and take off my shoes and socks. All my clothes are so gross..

When I start taking off my pants he turns away from me. "So what do you think now?" He asks.

"Well I'm a really weak person.. I cant be out there on my own. I could go back to Ronnie but I don't love him. You.. you're amazing. If it's fake please dont stop faking it because I like feeling cared about," I say and get into the bathtub.

I sit down and then he turns around and watches me. "I'm not faking it. I really like you," he says softly.

My heart flutters and I smile. "I hope so. I'm really high, I know its important but I haven't slept since I left this house.. well maybe a hour or so on a bench. Everything hurts and I just want to drowned," I say and lay down with just my face out of the water.

"No drowning but sure, we don't have to talk about everything right now," he says and grabs the shampoo.  I sit up and face my back to him so he can wash my hair. While he's going that I wash my face.

I grab a rag and clean myself. I scrub my skin hard trying to get clean.. I'll never be clean. I've been raped, I cant be clean.

He grabs the rag and takes it away. I pout and look at him. "I like you with skin," he says and I roll my eyes.

Water... I'm thirsty.

I scoop some water up and put it in my mouth.  "Ack!" I spit it out upset. It tasted like soap. 

"Dont drink soapy water," he says and makes me lean back so he can wash the soap out of my hair.

"I haven't ate or drank since I left," I mumble and he frowns. I close my eyes and let him take care of me. He washes my hair completely and gets the rag.

"Face me," he says. I do want he says. He then washes my face so I keep my eyes closed.  Once he's done cleaning everything that's out of the water he pulls the plug.

"Do you need help getting out or dressed?" He asks.

"No, please make me food? And water? I feel like if I dont eat I'm going to cry again," I say and he nods.

He kisses my forehead and leaves the bathroom...

Does he forgive me?

I'm sure he doesn't but I'm going to enjoy this act until he tells me 'ha, you fell in love with me and I don't even like you'. Until then I'm going to try to be happy..