The Girl in the Shadows

Chapter 13

Wednesday Evening

October 23, 2019

I didn't mean to spill the water on the bed or on Seth for that matter. It had been a complete and utter accident.

"I'm so sorry. Oh my god. Are you all alright? You're not hurt, are you?" I shuffle from foot to foot as I look down at Seth currently sitting on his soaked bed, his own baggy, knee-length shorts and T-shirt soaked through as well. He shakes his head, droplets of water spraying onto me as he does and chuckles. It's a deep, soft sound that I'm starting to become addicted to.

"Hurt me?" He barks out a laugh, reaching down and pinching at his wet shirt. "The worst you did is kill my clothing and bedspread." His head shifts to the right and I follow where I think his line of sight is directed to, cringing when my gaze falls on the messy sop of paper. It once held our notes. Now, all it holds is a bunch of smeared ink. "And our notes. Definitely massacred those buttercup." He sighs and I look back towards him.

I lower my head, wringing my hands at the bottom of my sweater. "I'm sorry." I murmur the words.

Not even a second later Seth's hand is reaching for my own and drawing my gaze towards him. A small gasp escapes past my lips when my eyes clash with his visible ones. He's holding his bangs back, the water making the dark brown locks slick enough to stay on the top of his head rather than fall back into his face.

"It's fine, Carmen, really. I know what it was."

I nod and open my mouth, "An acciden-"

"You just wanted to see how hot I looked with water dripping off of me." He cuts me off and I blank as I process what he'd just said. My face must turn eight different shades of red before I reach for his pillow.

"Seth!" I hiss as I bring my arm back before wacking him with the plush cushion. He loses himself in a fit of laughter. "I cannot believe you just said that!"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! It was just too perfect!" He laughs leading me to think he's anything but sorry. I don't stop my attack and before I know what's happening my laughter is mixing with that of his own. Somewhere along the line, Seth acquires his own pillow and we're in an all-out pillow fight until we're both breathless, stray giggles rising to the surface here and there. I stare up at his ceiling, my chest rising and falling at a rapid pace, painful but a sweet. Something I don't remember having ever felt before.

I sit up in bed and look down at Seth who's still smiling, eyes turned to me.

"What's up buttercup?" He questions and I shake my head. I let my eyes take in this boy before me who has somehow managed to completely turn my world upside down in such a way I never would have thought possible.

"It's just-I just-I want to-" My voice catches in my throat as my eyes land on his exposed inner thing.

"What?" His playful and serene expression is only on his face for a moment longer before his hazel gaze finds where I'm looking and then all emotion is gone. It's as if the boy I've been laughing with and having a pillow fight with only moments ago no longer exists in this world.

"Seth what-"

"It's nothing, Carmen." His voice is cold and hard as steel as he speaks causing me to flinch. He sits up in bed, yanking the damp fabric of his shorts down to cover the flesh but I reach out and stop him just shy of covering it in its entirety.

"Who's lying now?" I murmur as my eyes go from his down to the exposed skin that should be flawless and pale when in reality, it's a replica of my inner forearms. Discolored scars mar the skin some old and white while others look fresh. So fresh that the scabs are still red and it turns my stomach upside down, my heart becoming lodged in my throat as it becomes near impossible to breathe or speak or even think straight.

"It's nothing, buttercup." There's a pleading to Seth's voice that has tears spring to my eyes. This is real. This is actually happening. Everything replays in my mind. Every conversation we've ever had, every time I saw him in the hallway, at school, in a classroom, out in the town. I remember everything from when I first glimpsed him on the first day of high school to every bullying incident I witnessed.

How didn't I know about this? How did I not think this would happen? How did I not know this is happening? Right now? Right before my eyes? When were these cuts made? They're fresh. Last night? This morning? Right before I-

Seth's hand covers mine, startling me from my thoughts and pulling my muddy brown eyes to his own steady gaze. "I'm okay." He whispers and it's as if I'm smacked by those words, whiplash hitting me. Those were my words not too long ago. The magic curse I'd uttered countless times in a day, chaining me to my demons in the shadows. Hearing him speak them, hearing Seth the boy who had told me it's okay to not be okay speak those two words makes everything appear twisted and wrong.

A small smile pulls up the corners of his lips and for the first time since I've talked to Seth, and I mean really spoken to him, the smile doesn't reach his eyes. "I'm really okay, buttercup." He chants my cursed mantra and I see a reflection of myself from only a few days ago. It crushes me.

"How?" My voice is trembling and I reach out, gripping onto Seth's hand for dear life. Whether for his sake or my own, I don't know. "How can you do this to yourself after what happened to me?" I asked as my wide eyes travel over the multitude of cuts and slashes on Seth's inner thighs.

"You won't understand."

I choke on air at the statement.

"I...I won't understand?" The words almost don't seem real as I speak them. "I won't understand? Me? Need I remind you who I am Seth? What everyone in our school knows me for?!" My voice rises in pitch as I speak.

"No, you-"

I cut him off as I reach up and yank my sweater sleeves all the way up, exposing my arms more to him than I have to anyone other than myself and my psychiatrist in the last two years. Scar after hideous scar mars the once clean, pale skin. "I won't understand." I laugh bitter at the cheap excuse. "Tell me how you can still do this Seth after two years ago." There's anger dancing around his hazel eyes now. It's an emotion I don't think I've ever seen him wear and I know that it's this emotion he speaks with.

"Because I won't make the same deep cut mistake as you."

Those words of anger stab into me and my arms fall to my sides, the atmosphere around us growing thick and heavy like a sludge neither of us can swim out of. My head bows and my blonde locks swing down and cover my face, shielding my tears. I hear Seth curse. "Car, I'm sorry I didn't mean-" He cuts his sentence short as I look up, a small smile dressing my lips. I tuck a blonde strand behind my ear.

"But you did, Seth." We both fall silent and a bitter lump forms in my throat as every breath I take feels like ice freezing my lungs. I stand from the bed and begin to gather my things. "I think it'll be for the best if we work separately from now on. Just message me the coding files for the game and I'll do the same for the story and artwork." I continue talking though I don't register a word of what I say, a loud buzz prominent in my ears. The words Seth had spoken to me play in a constant loop through my mind. It's not until his hand curls around my wrist, cradling it in a gentle grip do I stop only to flinch away from his touch.

"Carmen-"

"Goodbye Seth," I say before rushing from the room.

A/N: We've officially reached the climax of the story folks. Thoughts thus far? Did you enjoy this chapter? If so don't forget to vote and drop a comment below! I love hearing from you!