The Girl in the Shadows

Chapter 3

Tuesday Afternoon

October 15, 2019

I run my hands down my pant legs for what must be the hundredth time. I try to get rid of the sweat but it seems to have other plans as it becomes replaced by more. I've been unable to concentrate at all over the last day, my thoughts too preoccupied with Mop Head and the meeting we'd had in the hallway. There are more important things that I should worry about, what with Steven and the transfer student but I can't find the power to focus them.

And then Gwen also seemed a little on edge today about something. She was testy at lunch. More so than usual.

A million and one things run through my thoughts and a migraine pounds behind my eyes as I try to concentrate. It's a near-impossible task, my mind a symphony of noise.

Steven and Peter. Steven's secret. Gwen. Something's wrong. Partner project. Mop Head. I'm okay. I'm okay.

"-en. Carmen? Carmen!"

I jolt in my seat and sit up, my eyes landing on my mother. She sits on her hospital bed, a colorful,autumn-themed bandana wrapped around her head shielding the after-effects of Chemotherapy. It stands in stark contrast to her pale features, her cheeks sunken into her face as if her skin is too large for her body. Worry etches itself into the planes of her pale features and questions swim around in her muddy brown eyes. I give my mother a taut smile, trying to reassure her.

"I'm okay," I repeat my mantra aloud for both her and myself and she gives me the lopsided grin I love. Everything always feels like it'll be alright when I see that grin. Even two years ago, when things had been at their worst, my mother's smile always made me feel safe and secure.

"I'm glad to hear that, but right now I fear for that pens life." She chuckles and I look down to my right hand which holds the pen I'd been using to write with.

When did I?

My knuckles are white and I suck in a sharp breath as I release the pen, the writing instrument falling onto the notebook below. I sigh and lift my hand to my right ear, pulling on my lobe as I look to my mother. "Sorry," I whisper, ashamed at having gotten so caught up in my thoughts. I come to the hospital to spend time with her, not lose myself within my thoughts.

"No need to apologize. I'm just glad I could save the life of your pen. We'd be in trouble if you lost him."

I roll my eyes. It's just like her to personify things. "I'd just get a new pen mom."

My mother says nothing else on the matter and instead changes the subject towards a topic I'd rather not think about. "Did you get your partner assignment for that project you were telling me about? You seemed so excited to be taking part in it when it was first mentioned last week."

I slink back in my chair and look anywhere but my mother. "Yeah, I got the assignment. It's-um-well-it's gonna be fun." I do my best to lie about my true feelings but it doesn't go well and I get a skeptical look from my mother, disapproval shining in her eyes. It does nothing to make me feel better.

"Carmen Morgan Gannette," I flinch at the use of my full name. "Don't lie to me."

I sink deeper into my chair, my arms crossing my chest and fingers digging into my clothed forearm. "Sorry, mom." I murmur and my mother smiles at the apology.

"Good, now tell me all about this project and your partner." She leans forward in her bed eagerness shining bright on her features and I bite my bottom lip. I don't want to tell her about it. I can't tell her about it because then that would involve telling her about Mop Head and I can't tell her about him because then she'll know that he's-he's-

I'm okay. I'm okay.

Images and memories from two years ago rise to the surface and I become unable to see anything else but the school bathroom. I become unable to hear anything else but the screaming of my best friends and the shrill cry of the ambulance. My arms currently crossed over my chest travel down to wrap around my middle as my stomach turns over, bile rising in my throat. I look away from my mother. I can't lie and I can't tell her the truth so the only thing I can do is remain silent.

She sighs, knowing that she won't get anything out of me. "Carmen, sweetie you know-"

"Hey jelly bean, you ready to go?" My father comes into the room, interrupting whatever it is my mother is about to say and we both look towards him. His smile falls away and his eyes turn apologetic. "Oh, sorry did I interrupt something?"

I jump up from my seat, flinching at how eager I must appear. My notebook falls to the floor, the pen rolling away. "No," I say before my mother has a chance to answer. My things are gathered and in my arms at a breakneck speed and I make for the door.

"Carmen!" My mother calls, a pleading in her voice that has me stopping in my tracks. I can't stomach to look at her knowing that I'll see hurt and worry morphing her pale features.

"I'm okay," I say before leaving the hospital room.

Author Note: If you enjoyed this chapter don't forget to comment and vote! It means the world to me and I love hearing from you!