She Who Was My Love (girlxgirl) (Book 2)

Equality of Tragedy

Buffy's POV

I shift on the bed as I start to wake up.

I don't want to wake up. I wanna stay here in the warm, strong arms of the woman I love. The woman who's forgiven me for all the horrible things I've said and done to her since I've been back. She's forgiven me. Forgiven me for blaming her for being back. She's forgiven me for hurting her and lying to her and everything else.

I've done so many horrible things to her and still she finds it in her to love me and forgive me for what I've done. And she didn't do it for me, I know that. She didn't do it because she felt bad that I got tortured either. If she had done it because of the torture then she would've been there for me every minute I was in the hospital, even after the shock of finding out the truth about Dawn, but she wasn't.

She disappeared completely from me for almost 4 whole weeks because she had a decision to make. A decision that had nothing to do with me. It may have affected me, it could've changed my life for better or worse no matter what the outcome was, but it was never really about me. It was about her. She had to choose for herself whether or not I was worth another shot. Whether I was worth all the pain and heartache to get to this point where we just might be happy. I never would have blamed her if she decided I wasn't.

I open my eyes and look at the sleeping beauty in front of me.

I don't deserve such a woman. I'm not worthy of someone so incredible. We may both be slayers, the only two in the world, but we're nothing a like. She's honest and caring and incredibly selfless. I'm only honest when I have to be, and only caring and selfless when I want to be. She's all these things all the time and so much more. I could never measure up to someone like her, but I'm gonna try. I'm gonna try and be a better person, for her and for Dawn.

I bite my bottom lip and try and hold back the tears in my eyes.

They deserve someone they can be proud of, someone worthy of them.

I reach out and caress her cheek.

I will one day be that person for them.

My gentle touch wakes the love of my life.

"Mmm, morning..."

She opens her eyes and that beautiful smile becomes a well of concern as she sees my face.

"What's wrong?"

Those two simple words make my tears flow free.

All the things I've done to her and she still cares enough to ask me that.

"I'm sorry."

She smiles at me again.

"You gotta stop saying that B. You might develop repetitive stress disorder or something."

I try and smile at her but the tears keep coming.

"I'm still sorry."

She takes my hands in hers and leads us both to a sitting position. I turn to face her on the bed as she does the same.

"I know that B. I told you last night that I believed you. It's one of the reasons I was willing to forgive you."

I wrap my arms around my knees.

"I don't deserve your forgiveness. I'm a horrible person."

She puts her arm around me.

"Buffy, I of all people know what being forgiven is all about. I know what it means to feel like a horrible person who doesn't deserve any happiness. But it was you who showed me different."