She Who Was My Love (girlxgirl) (Book 2)

Making Things Better Tomorrow

Willow's POV

I snuggle up close to Tara as she climbs into bed.

I love this feeling. I don't know why exactly, but those first few moments when we get into bed together always feel extra special. Every moment with Tara is special but these moments are just, extra, somehow. Maybe it's cause this is the only time I get to feel this close to her, both physically and emotionally.

There's something about the way she looks, I think. No make up, no perfume, just 100% Tara goodness. She's not afraid to be herself around me and that just makes me feel incredible. Of course she doesn't usually seem so distracted when I do.

"Honey?"

"Hmm?"

She's definitely distracted.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?"

"I don't know, you just seem a little... somewhere else."

"It's nothing."

She never held out on me before.

"Really?"

"Yeah I, I was just... thinking."

Thinking?

"About what?"

"S-s-stuff..."

She's stuttering. She only stutters when she's nervous.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"It's n-n-nothing."

Nothing?

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah..."

It's like she doesn't wanna talk to me at all.

"Cause it sounds like something."

"I-it's o-okay. D-don't worry about it."

It's me she doesn't wanna talk to. Why?

"Did I, did I do something?"

She looks at me for a moment and then away.

"No."

I did something.

"Cause I feel like I did something."

"Y-you d-didn't d-do anything."

"Then talk to me please? Tell me what you're thinking so I can help... please?"

"T-tell you? Like I don't have a c-choice?"

What?

"N-no, that's not what I... I, I just wanna help. What were you thinking?"

"It was just... Buffy."

Buffy?

I sit up and so does she.

"What about her?"

"I t-think something's w-wrong."

Wrong?

"What do you mean?"

"I d-don't know I just, I feel l-like something's wrong. Like I felt t-the way Buffy felt about F-Faith."

Why do people keep saying stuff like that?

"Buffy is gonna be just fine. Don't you see that? Buffy is alive and everything is fine."

"Except that, except that it's not."

"It is."

"Willow, you saw B-Buffy today. Something is going on with her, something bad."

"Okay so, maybe she's a little 'wigged out' but... that'll pass."

She lets out a deep sigh.

"I don't know that she will."

I can't keep having this conversation with people.

"Everyone goes through bad times in their lives. But the way they get through it is by having people who love them help them."

I reach over and take her hand.

"We are those people Tara. We can help her."

"But her life was over."

Tara lets go of my hand and pulls away.

What?

"You s-said, people go through bad t-times in their lives. But Buffy's was over. All those bad t-things were never going to h-happen again. That c-can't be easy for her."

"Was? Were? You keep using the past tense, maybe that's the point. She wasn't gonna have to deal with anything and now she will. Maybe that's what's bothering her. Maybe that's what you guys are picking up on."

"Maybe, I don't know..."

I think I'm right about this.

"But these are things that we deal with all the time. That Buffy used to deal with all the time. She just has to readjust to dealing with them again, that's all."

"I don't k-know if it's that s-simple."

"It is... I mean it can be. All we have to do is help her with it like I said."

Buffy means a lot to me and so does Faith. They're my friends.

"Okay..."

She doesn't seem convinced.

"Tara..."

I reach for her but she turns away and lies down.

"Like you said, we'll help her."

"T-Tara?"

"It's okay. Let's just, go to bed okay?"

She's still angry with me.

I lie down next to her and hold her to me.

"Okay Tara, I love you."

I kiss her pulse point and she fidgets.

"I know sweetie, I know."

She didn't say it back. She's mad at me more than I thought. It's gonna take more than I love you to make it better, but I will make it better. I'll make it better tomorrow. I have to find a way to make it better tomorrow.