Sequel to Forgotten Conscience, Faith attempts to deal with the consequences of the events after the battle with Omega. But how well will she do? And what will her friends do to help her? Ranked #5 in Buffy.
Well here we are. The whole gang, minus Tara anyway. All of us here together eating a really great dinner. I didn't know chicken and ribs could taste this good. I wonder why Tara didn't come. She seemed pretty broken up when I told the gang where B was when she was dead. Not that the others didn't take it hard it's just, she seemed to take it harder than I did, and I took it really hard.
I was hoping she'd be here tonight. I thought she might be able to give me some other way out of my situation with B. But as it is I've only got two options and this one isn't going so well. I was hoping when Anya suggested the whole dinner thing, scary concept as it was, that being here like this might help B feel better. But I don't think it's going very well. None of us have said a word to each other since the portions were handed out. I think we're just afraid to say anything, I know I am.
I'm afraid to talk about the one thing we all wanna talk about. But this isn't supposed to be an intervention. It's supposed to be just dinner, except that it's not. We all know it's not just dinner but no one is gonna say it. We can't have something as simple as just dinner knowing what we know, feeling what we feel. Every one of us feels responsible for this forced silence we've all stumbled into. Everyone but Buffy anyway.
Buffy's just really pissed at all of us. She didn't ask to be here. She didn't ask to be brought back. This whole problem we're having isn't really about B anymore. It's about us, and what we did.
God, I've gotta stop obsessing about the problem and start concentrating on how to fix it. Especially if I have to fix it the way I think I do. I don't want to do it that way, but I may not have a choice. I love her too much to let her keep suffering this way. I couldn't stand it if she spent the rest of her life hating me, it has to end. One way or another it'll all be different tonight.
"So Willow, what happened to Tara? I thought she was coming."
Good question Joyce. At least it'll give us something to talk about.
"She was... she just... she wasn't feeling well."
"Really? She seemed quite well when we saw her earlier."
"Yeah well she's been sorta off and on these past few days and tonight she felt worse than usual so... she didn't wanna ruin the occasion."
Oh I get it. Tara 'hasn't been feeling well' since bringing Buffy back. I know how she feels.
"Well that's too bad. It would've been nice to have her here. I hope she feels better soon."
"Yeah I, I'm sure she will."
"What about you Xander? I hear you're doing construction now. How's that going?"
"Hmm? Oh it's going pretty good. At first I didn't know what the hell I was doing, but I think I'm getting the hang of it now. I just gotta keep reminding myself to measure twice and cut once."
"Plus he looks really hot in that tiny little muscle shirt he wears."
Okay that was a little more information than I needed to know.
"Um, okay. Well I'm glad you're enjoying yourself."
"God do you, do you hear yourselves?"
I knew this wouldn't last long.
"What do you mean B?"
"Acting like this is just dinner between friends when we all know that's a load of crap."
Willow tries to interrupt.
"No Buffy that's not..."
"This is the icing on the cake so you can ambush me with a bunch of questions I don't wanna answer."
"Buffy we just..."
She stands up and it makes me stand up too.
"Let's just shorthand the whole deal shall we? I don't want to talk about where I was. I don't wanna talk about my feelings. I don't care that you all feel bad that I feel bad. I just wanna live with it all and move the hell on okay?"
"But..."
"No, I don't care what excuse you have or what apology you wanna make, I just... I don't care."
She turns and walks out.
"B, wait..."
She doesn't stop. I start to go after her.
"Faith, stop..."
I can't stop.
"I have to go after her."
"Maybe we should come with you."
"Right because the whole dealing with it together thing worked so well. I have to go after her alone."
I shouldn't have said that.
"I'm sorry... I know you're only trying to help."
"And we still are."
There's only one way to fix this now. The one way I know I don't want to.
"Yeah we'll find another way."
"No... no I, I'll deal with this my own way. Just, finish eating and go home. I'll make everything right."
I walk into the kitchen and pick up a knife.
This all has to end tonight.
I go looking for the woman I love.
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