Station 11

soixante deux.

The wind was making me shiver as we were standing in the parking lot. We arrived with two cars and we were thankful for Jisoo for driving us. Junhui was tightly holding my hand and made me remember the last time we were here.
He was acting tough and told me he wasn't scared of the cable car. But this time he was really more calm. This time we were here for a different reason and Junhui tried to respect that.

"Are you okay?", I asked him with a little smile. He nodded and squeezed my hand.

We were slowly entering the cable car and it quickly started moving. Wonwoo, Mingyu, Jihoon, Jisoo and Soonyoung were with us and we were quiet. We all remembered the last time we were at the Namsan Tower. Everywhere I could see Chan. 
Nobody said a word, when we entered the elevator. I was feeling cold, even though the heater was blowing my back. I was scared for no reason. The door opened and we slowly stepped out. It was pretty empty today, compared to the last time. I was staring out the window.

I remember somebody telling me that the view at night was prettier. And that person was right. I looked over to the souvenir shop that was selling love and friendship locks. My ears tricked me and I was so sure I could hear Chan shouting.

"Hyung, let's buy one", he said and I turned around. I couldn't see him anywhere. I looked at Soonyoung who was wildly looking around the locks that were already there. He seemed like he was trying to find the one we used once.

"Minghao", Junhui's voice appeared behind me and he put his hand onto my shoulder. I turned back around.

"I heard him, I swear. I heard his voice", I told him, barely looking at Junhui. 

"It's normal for us to imagine that. We talked with Dr. Nam about it. I feel the same. Soonyoung has it even worse. Look how frustrated he is", Junhui tried to calm me and we both looked back at Soonyoung. Tears were in his eyes and I wasn't sure if he was shaking because of the cold or because he was worried.

We decided to go out, too and Soonyoung didn't even notice us.

"Soonyoung, please calm down", I tried to grab his shoulders, but he quickly moved away.

"I am calm", he hissed, still staring at the locks.

"Soonyoung. Here are about a hundred, maybe even thousand locks here. It's nearly impossible to find ours here", Junhui took a step closer, but Soonyoung backed away.

"I. Am. Calm", he repeated, pronouncing every word carefully.

"Why is it so important for you to find this lock?", Jihoon asked him. He was watching him for a longer time and probably was in an awkward situation.

"You won't understand", Soonyoung's tears were finally running down his cheeks.

"But you friends will", Jisoo said and looked at Junhui and me.

Soonyoung finally looked up. He stared at us, finally controlling his breathing.

"There is nothing else left. The only thing that's left of him is this stupid lock. Do you guys remember how happy he was, when we bought that? When we threw away the key? He was laughing and joking around. He always told me I was like his brother. But what kind of brother forgets calling him after getting out? Not a single time did I think of dialing that hospital's phone number. What kind of brother am I, if I can't even remember where we put that lock at?", Soonyoung was trying to form these words, while sobbing. I stepped closer and finally he didn't back off.

I hugged him tight and he cried into my shoulder. Junhui did the same and Soonyoung grabbed the hem of his shirt. Slowly, Mingyu and Wonwoo hugged him from behind and even Jihoon grabbed Soonyoung's arm. So we were standing at the highest tower of this country, while hugging each other and crying. 

"Let's buy a new lock. And let's think of all the good memories we have of Chan", Soonyoung whispered and we agreed.

He was looking at the different colors at the souvenir shop, while we were standing behind him.

"How about this one?", he asked and turned around. It was a mat black one. Something unusual compared to the other locks. All the other ones were pink, red and blue. Some were also in typical colours like silver and gold. The one in Soonyoung's hand reminded me of the first time I met Chan. He was wearing his black hoodie and yelled at me. I had to chuckle, after having these thoughts.

"Let's get this one", Mingyu said and Soonyoung turned around to pay.

"Do you remember me being annoyed at Chan's behaviour? Saying that it's childish shit to buy locks?", Junhui asked me. His eyes were looking out the huge windows.

"Yes", was all I said.

"Thank god, you two scolded me for that. Chan would've been so sad if I told you not to do that. He really appreciated us", Junhui sighed and I took his arm.

"Don't blame yourself for anything. Now we are here all together for him. Doing something he wanted us to do. He would be so happy to see you here with us", I told him and he nodded.

"You're right", Wonwoo said and Junhui turned around. Their relationship was getting better, but they were still not close enough to do something alone. Mingyu or I needed to be with them.

"I also still blame myself for only thinking about our issues. Chan called for help many times, but I was still only thinking of teasing Junhui as a revenge. I really wanted to destroy your relationship back then", Wonwoo admitted.

"It makes sense why you would think like that", Junhui was relaxed after Wonwoo's words. It still shocked me. His behaviour got so much better. "Why would you wish something good to a person who hurt you so bad"

Wonwoo nodded. "But now I learned the reason behind your behaviour. And it doesn't feel weird to spend time with you anymore"

Junhui smiled after these words. And so did I. Soonyoung was finally done and we all went outside. We watched him put the lock onto the metal wall and lock it with the key.

"Seventeen is going to be huge. And Chan is going to take care of his brothers", Soonyoung said.

"And even if Chan is not with us anymore, he will always be a part of Seventeen", I added before we watched Soonyoung throw away the key. We just stared at the trees beneath us and the skyline that was shining bright in the nightsky.

Junhui's fingers found my hands and my head leaned against his shoulder. Little snowflakes landed on my nose and I looked up to the sky. Chan has loved winter.

"I think Chan is thanking us", Junhui whispered, but it was loud enough for the group to hear. They also lifted their heads.

"Well we should tell him that he is welcome", Soonyoung whispered back with a soft smile.

And we did. 

This moment felt beautiful. It felt like standing on top of the world. With the people I loved the most. There was no fear. I felt free. I felt like myself. I felt happy.

I looked at Junhui. There was no fear. He seemed free. He seemed like himself. He seemed happy.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, before I kissed Junhui's cold cheek.
We were happy.

Actually crying. The last chapter of Station 11 is done. First time with real tears on my cheeks. There is still going to be an epilogue, but the fact that this is the end is so sureal. Thanks for sticking with me for 62 chapters. Love you all! (thank you notes are going to be published soon, too)
See you soon,
Mel.