scars (SEQUEL TO BRUISES)

part 14

It had been a week since you had seen him, and, for the most part, you were relieved you didn't have to face him. Face the pain.
But there was a part of you, small but loud, that wanted to see him. Ached to hold him and pretend everything that happened didn't.
A part of you that...missed him.
You hated yourself for feeling that way when it was you who had played that card, you who had ended things.
But Caitlin reassured you, reminded you that it was okay to miss him. It was normal. But nothing felt normal anymore. Not without him.
Nonetheless, you carried on, grateful that work had slowed down enough to let you take it easy, but that you still were kept busy by helping to make decisions about TXT's upcoming debut.
You grabbed your notebook, a pen and your coffee and headed to the meeting room on the TXT floor. It was a fraction of the size of any of the multiple BTS rooms, but you were so grateful that you were now working for TXT, under these conditions.
"So, we obviously need to start thinking about choreography," Bang Sihyuk said, after having talked about the music for a little bit.
"I think, coming up with choreography should help us to decide which songs we want to put on the EP, and in which order so that we can decide what kind of flow we want for each song and what the theme is going to be," he adds. The producers sat around the room all nodded, including you.
Being in this room did make you feel so accomplished and you felt so secure in your career, and you were grateful that you finally had some form of stability in your life.
"I've put together a choreography team with the head being one of our former employees. They should be here in about-"
But his words were interrupted by a knocking on the door. So he laughed and said, "Right now! Come in!" he called out and the door opened, almost in slo-motion.
As soon as your eyes landed on the person at the door, you felt your stomach drop all the way through your body. You breathing was laboured and you were in shock.
But you looked down at the desk and tried to avoid any eye contact with him, or anyone. Hoping that if you acted like you were fine, you would be.
Your heartbeat pulsed through your ears, so everything anyone said was completely being drowned out into background natter and noise that you couldn't quite decipher. you saw moving lips but no sound came out of them as it hit you you would have to work with your ex. Tai.
You took in a deep breath and lifted your head, watching Bang SiHyuk lead the rest of the meeting but feeling Tai's eyes on you.
"Okay so what I'm thinking is to have choreography for Cat&Dog, Crown and maybe one more of the suggestions you out forward (Y/N)?"
You nodded, "Yeah, whatever the choreo team decide is fine with me." You said, still feeling Tai's eyes on you.
You hoped your answer would kind of shrug off any potential for you to have to interact with Tai but Bang SiHyuk added, "Okay well if you guys organise a meeting to sort that out and decide that."
He looked between you, almost checking that that would be okay. Although he must have had no idea about our situation. He was very above all of the drama, which made sense.
You just smiled at him, never looking at Tai.
For the rest of the meeting, you tried your best to focus, but the dawning that you would now have to work with Tai was settling in. Leaving a chill across your skin.
"Okay, so this time next week, if we can have the decisions about which songs will have choreography, that would be great."
"Sure thing," Tai said, cooly. Even his voice left an uncomfortable feeling in your bones.
"(Y/N), is that alright with your schedule too?" Bang SiHyuk asked.
You smiled at him, "Of course."
"Okay, great, well thanks guys. See you all next week."
As everyone stood up, conversation ongoing, you focused on how best to leave the room without having to interact with him at all. But your plan was ruined when he came up to you, blocking your way to the door.
"Hey, do you want to talk about our plans now? Get it out of the way?"
You sighed, and finally met his eyes. For the first time. He frowned, "Is now not a good time?"
The number of people in the room were getting fewer, which made you increasingly nervous.
You swallowed the lump in your throat. "Alright, let's do it in my office," you say and walk past him, leaving the room and expecting him to follow. Which he did.
You chose your office with the hopes that it would establish your position right from the get go. This was to be a solely professional meeting. And you secretly hoped it was a power move.
He followed into your office, watching you as you walked round and sat at your desk.
"Pretty nice space you got here," he said, looking around at your bookshelves.
"Yeah, okay let's get started. So I don't know which tracks you've listened to but I was thinking-"
"I heard about you and Yoongi." He interrupted. Hearing his name made your breath catch in your throat.
You cleared your thorat, in an attempt to be able to speak. "Can we just talk about work? Please?" You looked him in the eyes then. The unfilled tears brimming.
He looked surprised to see you get so emotional so easily. "Are you sure you're not just trying to distract yourself with work?" He asked.
You sighed and inhaled before saying, "That's exactly what I'm trying to do, so if you could let me, that would be great."
"(Y/N), talk to me, maybe talking about it will help."
You laughed bitterly, "You are the last person I would talk to about this. And anyway, talking about it will just make me even more confused. Please. Let's just work."
He held his hands up in surrender. "Alright, I'm sorry. Just work."
You talked with him about the tracks, only focusing on work and being completely professional. And for a while, you forgot he was even your ex. And you were distracted from your aching heart. Even if just for a short while. But it was never gone, it just dulled and hung in the background like elevator music.
You got so in the zone that when you had made your final decisions, and that the tracks Crown, Cat&Dog and Blue Orangeade would be the ones with choreo, you sat back in your chair, satisfied.
You smiled and shut your eyes. "Okay, that's such a relief."
"It's nice to see you smile," he says quietly, making your eyes open again, and your smile ironically disappeared from sight.
You shook your head, "Alright well that's done. I'll email, Bang PD-nim and let him know of our decision."
"The tracks are really good," Tai said, his eyes always on you.
You avoided eye contact and pretended to sort through papers on your desk as you uttered a disinterested, "Thank you."
"(Y/N)," he said, and you stopped, looking up at him. "I mean it. You should be proud of yourself."
You blinked multiple times, not knowing what Tai was trying to do. "I am."
He chuckled and looked down, "good." When he looked back up at you, you were still watching him, trying to anticipate his motives.
He smirked, "I miss this. I miss us."
You scoff, "You can leave now," you say, standing.
"Please, just hear me out-"
"I knew you were after something else. You always are," you say, your tone full of despise.
"I was just being honest, I'm...I'm sorry," he said, his voice seeming quieter. More bashful. "I know what I did to you was...unforgivable. And I'm not asking for forgiveness I just...I can't help but feel like I owe you."
You thought for a moment before saying, "Well you kind of do. You took the apartment."
He blinked and then frowned, "Oh my god, I didn't even think...w-where are you staying now?" He asked, and you saw a glint of something in his eyes. Something familiar. The old Tai.
You swallowed the lump in your throat. "An old school friend, Caitlin."
"Oh yeah, you mentioned her a couple of times," he said.
You nodded. You cleared your throat again, "Well that was depressing, let's just finish up here, kay?"
He nodded, and turned to leave. He opened the door and was about to step out before he hesitated, and turned back around to face you.
"Look, I know I don't deserve to get to ask this but..can I at least buy you a coffee?"
"Tai I told you-" you started but were interrupted.
"No funny business, not as exes, not as friends, heck just as plain colleagues."
You were going to decline his offer, but the idea of being on your own in this quiet office for a couple of hours seemed daunting. And you did really fancy a coffee.
"Only if I can get a venti coffee," you said with a begrudging tone.
He laughed his old familiar laugh, "Yes, you can get a large."
You let the small traces of a smile show on your face before you said, "Oh alright then."
You took your coat from the back of your chair as you saw Tai do an air-grab.
You froze, "No funny business," you warned. He put his hands up and made an innocent a face as possible.
He drew a cross around where his heart should be and said, "Cross my heart, hope to die."
You nodded and said, "Yeah cause you will die, so don't." He laughed slightly, almost unsure whether he could laugh at that.
And you followed him to the coffee shop, not knowing whether or not you had made a grave mistake.