scars (SEQUEL TO BRUISES)

part 13

As you took in the scene in front of you, you felt the world begin again.
Just not the way it was before.
The clocks ticked anti-clockwise, your heart beat echoed in your chest as opposed to filling it with life, the world spun the wrong way.
You blinked twice to make sure the image didn't change. Nothing moved. He was still there. With her.
You watched them as she hovered, her face in front of his, she looked up into his eyes, which you couldn't see from your perspective, and she brought her lips to his, her eyes closing and eyebrows furrowed in determination.
You felt the breath get stuck in your throat and you felt winded. There was no air left for you to breath.
He didn't respond, just stood there, a frozen statue of lies.
Your view went blurry so you blinked your tears out of them to get a clearer view of the scene unfolding you.
You hear Hoseok come behind you and his words "what the fuck," ran through your veins, anger pulsing throughout them.
As if Yoongi had heard him, his arms gently pushed her away, putting distance between them but still leaving his hands on her shoulders as you watched him say something, but the sound was drained out, nothing to be heard through the door.
You carried on watching in disbelief, seeing Lina's satisfied eyes, as she looked at him. But her gaze turned towards you, her eyes landing on yours and her micro expression changed to one as if to say, 'I told you so.'
Your eyebrows quivered as you stared at her, shock written in all your features.
Yoongi must have noticed her looking towards the door because, slowly, he turned to face the door.
When his eyes met yours, his entire expression changed to something you couldn't recognise. Maybe devastation. As he took in the view of you stood there, a witness to it all. He couldn't even bluff his way out of it.
You shook your head and dropped the bag of food you had brought him. He could keep it.
You turned and walked down the corridor, your blinkers on as you tried to ignore everything else. His calls from the other end of the corridor, the cries of your name.
Until he ran in front of you, standing in your way. You tried to wipe the tears from your eyes and walk around him, but he stepped with you, blocking the way.
"(Y/N), please let me explain," he begged.
You couldn't even look him in the eyes, your heart shattered into shards by his betrayal.
"No," you replied, not able to look him in the eyes when you tried.
"Please baby, don't shut me out, theres an explanation," he pleaded.
"Don't call me that. I'm not your baby."
He was taken aback by that, and was quiet for, taking in how mad you were
"Not anymore," you added, your voice breaking.
You looked him in the eyes and saw he was crying too, which made you angry. He did not have a right to cry.
"We're done. Don't follow me," you told him. And he didn't.
You went straight to Yoongi's, a place that had started to feel like home but now you couldn't get out fast enough.
As you packed everything, you called Caitlin.
"Hi Hun, what's up?" She asked, her voice kipper.
You sniffled and your voice shook, "this might be a bit cheeky of me but...do you have a spare room that I could stay in for a few days?"
She paused, "what the hell has he done?"
"I'll explain later...I just..can I-" she didn't even let you finish your question as she said, "don't even ask, get over here."
You thanked her and packed up, this time, not leaving the courtesy of a note.
You called a taxi and waited, posting your key through the postbox when it arrived and heading to Caitlin's.
The taxi driver asked if you were okay and you told him you would be, but that was the only conversation you could muster.
When you arrived, she was at her door in a sweater and jeans, smiling as she came to hug you tightly and help you with your bags. "Is this it?" She asked.
"It's all I had.." you said, your voice wavering. She nodded.
"Come on, let's get you a cuppa."
Hours later, you were in a blanket on her very large couch in her lush living room that smelt like a type of musky wood you didn't know the name of.
You sat opposite her, both sharing the blanket and you with a hot drink cradled in your hands.
You had on a movie but you couldn't pay attention to it, it was one of those action-y ones- you didn't want any romance today, which Caitlin respected.
After you had explained what happened, you didn't want to talk about it any more. You couldn't even let yourself think about it.
But Caitlin was supportive, she didn't tell you something to justify his actions or give an immediate solution, she was just there for you. Listening, like a true friend.
"I think I'm going to go to bed," you told her with the weakest smile.
"Okay chick, just...let me know if you need me. My bed's big enough for five let alone two," she joked. But you couldn't bring yourself to laugh.
"It'll only be a couple of days -I'm already looking at apartments.." you began.
"Don't even worry about it, you're welcome here for as long as you would like," she said and you said your good nights.
You lay awake in bed that night, crying the silent tears that you hadn't been able to shed before. You hoped you could get them all out now so you would never be able to cry again.
You stared at the ceiling, wondering how on Earth you got here.
And you thought back to the time when you broke up with Tai, and how the situation was so similar, yet it hurt so much more. Why did it hurt so much more? You pondered this until the early hours of the morning, begging your heart to stop aching, but you weren't sure it ever would.
And all you wanted to know was where he was now, what he was doing. Was he happy? Angry? Broken-hearted?
All you knew was you would never speak to him again, grateful that you had another job now. You didn't ever have to see him.
The Sunday passed by drearily, the rain on the window a perfect distraction from the thoughts in your head as you tried not to let them take over.
You tried to cook lunch for you and Caitlin, to try and show your appreciation for being able to stay here.
Her kitchen was crisp and clean, with white marble worktops and a white stove, but you ended up burning the toast in her toaster and setting off the fire alarm.
"It's fine!" She reassured you again as she reset the alarm.
"I can't believe I did that!" You said with a chuckle and your hand over your mouth.
She chuckled, "I can, you' we're always so clumsy in school!" She said and you hit her arm playfully.
"I'll fix lunch, you go sit and watch TV," she said, her smile wide and genuine.
"I feel so bad, I was trying to say thank you for letting me stay," you whined.
She chuckled, "I've told you you're welcome here, so you don't need to. But maybe next time...just order takeout."
You both laughed and she pushed you out of the kitchen playfully.
When you sat on the couch, you were still smiling. But then it hit you and you remembered why you were there in the first place.
It felt painful, when the smile fell apart on your face. Ruining the moment.
Monday came all too slowly but simultaneously too fast.
You planned to arrive at work a bit later than usual, to avoid any possibility of seeing Yoongi.
Caitlin was kind enough to drop you off, despite your protests, as her office was just outside the city.
You felt like a shoplifter on CCTV as you walked through the foyer, eyes farting around to spot any sign of him.
When there was none, you breathed a sigh of relief, the lift doors closing and giving you a temporary security.
You hit the floor number for he floor of your office, begging no one else tried to get in on the Bangtan floor.
Thankfully, you got by safely, passing the level.
You sighed as you stepped out, heading along the corridor to your office, getting out your office key from your bag.
But but as you found it and set your eyes on the door, there he was, stood right beside it. Looking at you. His eyes wide.
"(Y/N), please can we talk?" He begged, his voice quiet.
You ignored him, trying to get your key into the keyhole and struggling as the result of your shaky hands.
There was a heavy quiet as he watched you, stood right beside you.
"Please," he whispered, "please don't do this." And your body stilled.
You narrowed your eyes and turned to him. Rage swimming through your veins, reaching your eyes. He could see it.
"Me? Really?!" You scoff, "I didn't do anything, you're the one who cheated." You say, the venom in your words hitting him.
He shook his head, "You saw what happened and you know I didn't kiss her, I would never do that to you. She kissed me and I pushed her off."
You smile and fold your arms, "You know I did consider that. I've thought it over again and again. And I come to a gridlock. Why did she kiss you in the first place? She must have thought you reciprocated he feeling."
He was about to interrupt but you didn't let him, "and you know, that's not even the biggest problem. You lied to me.
"You...you've been lying to me a lot. Telling me you're at the studio, and when I come to see you you tell me it's PDogg's studio. I thought it was weird that you were taking your gym bag to the studio so often...but I gave you the benefit of the doubt. Because I trusted you. I guess I was wrong.
"You must have had so much fun laughing at me that time Hoseok covered for you on the phone, telling me not to go to the practice room. And then as soon as he hung up I got a call from you."
Your tears brimmed now, here was no way of hiding it. "You've been lying for a while now haven't you?"
You watched him get uncomfortable, not knowing what to do with his hands and struggling for words. "I-I..." he looked helpless, like he had so much to say but couldn't say it. Couldn't be honest with himself about being a cheat.
"You lied. About being with Lina. When you know she's my weakness because we have history. So if you ever really loved me...explain that."
He is lost for words, looking at the ground in regret as he realises he's fighting a losing battle and you scoff.
"See," you said, raising his eyebrows. "Now leave and let me do my job," you told him and went into your office, slamming the door behind you and sidestepping away from the window of the door, covering your mouth and nose with your hand in disbelief at what you had just done.
The tears fell as your breathing finally caught up with you, exhaling multiple times full of stress and disbelief.
You may have won your fight with him, but there was no denying you came away from it with a bigger wound.