Always on Your Side (NaNoWriMo 2019)

25.

I can't say I remember this map, but I remember what it was a map of. "Skyland." It was an imagination game we used to play with Lizzie. The way we played it was kind of like a mix of LARPing and tag - we'd pretend we lived in this magical land in the clouds with the fairies, but there were also evil fairies that were trying to take over. It had a plot that was maybe not brilliant but was unusually coherent for a childhood game - but I guess that's because we kept up the game longer than those childhood games usually went, and it persisted long enough for us to reach an age where coherency mattered.

In our Skyland plot, fairies could fly from cloud to cloud, but since we were human we had to have an imaginary flying pet that could carry us. Brendon's was a butterfly. Lizzie and I started with talking balloons we'd been given from Brendon's birthday party, but at one point my balloon tragically popped and I had to switch to a talking broom. I used to take my mom's broom to the park and run around with it between my legs like I was riding it.

Were all these butterfly hints supposed to be pointing to Skyland?

I'm at a loss regardless. I'm looking at this map of Skyland and I can't read it. It's written entirely in our secret language, Asparagus.

I've tried asking Chatter for help. But he says nothing. When I type anything that contains the word "Asparagus," Chatter says "the map will show you how to read asparagus." There was no decoding key though. Just some crude artwork and labels in the "Asparagan alphabet." I remember helping to create the Asparagan alphabet, though that was mostly Brendon's thing. I think Brendon was the only one who made any effort to memorize it. It was pretty sophisticated for a conlang invented by preteens - each character represented a certain sound rather than just a 1-for-1 letter swapping thing with English. Consonants were pictures of wordss that started with the same sound in Asparagus. Like, "pineapple" was "looiboo," so the letter that made the "l" sound was a pineapple. I only remember this because I remember printing my name "Len" and starting it with a pineapple. Vowels were supposed to look like the shape of the mouth when it made the sound - so "o" actually looked liked an O, or a wide-open mouth. Mostly though this meant all the vowel letters looked the same, especially with our sloppy kid handwriting. Another thing that made it hard to learn how to read the language and why Brendon was the only one who bothered.

I messaged Lizzie a picture of the Skyland map with a message: "Apparently, this is what Brendon wanted me to find in your house." I figured the ball was in her court if she cared to stay involved with this scavenger hunt - it would be nice to do this with her, someone who knew and cared about Brendon outside of his relationship to me. I'm not planning on showing her everything, since it was against Brendon's wishes, but I don't think he'd mind me showing her the picture he'd planted in her house.

Her answer comes Tuesday afternoon: Wow lol, I remember that! It's from that game we used to play at the park!

That's how I get the idea to check there for clues, though it will have to wait for tomorrow. I message back: Yes, I remember too.

Her reply comes faster this time: I sometimes wish I could go back in time to when we were little kids. :/ I know I thought skyland wasn't cool anymore when we got older, but it was so much fun!! I got to volunteer with foster kids last semester and when I see the games they play and how much fun they have, I just wish I could join them. :)

I text back: Wow, that's cool. Your mom told me you were going to be a social worker.

Another quick reply: She did? haha I think that's just my mom trying to brag about me. I took social work 101 and liked it and told her I was considering doing more. it's mostly just because I really fell in love with those kids I volunteered with. Do you remember reading The Catcher in the Rye in English and Holden talks about how he wants to protect all the kids? I feel like that.

I'm once again struck with this bizarre feeling that Lizzie is no longer a quirky ponytailed kid. I guess it's extra striking this time because I've never heard her express anything like that before.

Len Wilkerson: that's really cool. You should go for it.

It's about an hour later when I get her last message. I'm in my room doing algebra homework again. 

Elizabeth Lankarani: Hey, uh... I've been wanting to ask you something. :/ Don't worry about it if it's not the right time but... did I ever do anything to make you mad at me? We were best friends and then we just... stopped talking. I always regret that I didn't reach out to you and try to understand why our friendship was slipping away. 

It's surprising to me that she wondered. To me, it was obvious: she got popular and we didn't.

But was it really fair of me to try to blame the loss of our friendship on her changing? Was it equally my fault for not changing with her? Either we both deserved blame, or neither of us did.

Me: Mad at you? No... I thought it was just because we didn't have anything in common anymore. You got into fashion and stuff and that wasn't interesting to Brendon and me. 

I remembered now, how she had invited me over to her twelfth birthday party, a sleepover, with all her popular friends - Brendon was allowed to come during the day time, but all he did was give Lizzie her gift, eat two slices of pizza and then leave because he was bored. They spent the night practicing make-up on each other, doing each other's hair, and watching PG-13 Adam Sandler movies. I remember getting fed up while the girl who painted my nails asked what boy I liked, so she could match him to a personality quiz in some stupid magazine which would then tell me how I should style my hair to impress him. "You have to like someone," she insisted, "you're in sixth grade! I started liking boys in third grade!" 

"I don't like anyone!" I'd snapped, half believing it. I had been firmly trying to suppress my crush on Jennifer from science class. "And if I did, it would be someone who didn't care about this stupid girly stuff!" I'd then run away, nails half-done, to cry by myself in the doorway. I'd been about to call my mom to pick me up, but Lizzie calmed me down and convinced everyone to watch a movie. 

...In hindsight, not my best moment. I probably could have declined to have my nails painted without insulting Lizzie's new interests. But I'd felt panicked. I felt like I was being backed into a corner and in order to be here, I'd have to stop being a kid and start being a teenage girl. I wasn't ready to start caring about how I looked. I wanted to stay in that land of imagination where none of that stuff mattered and you didn't have to like boys. 

Elizabeth Lankarani: That's part of the reason I'm asking, actually. I never felt awkward around Brendon. I get that we maybe didn't have enough in common any more to still be best friends, but I wish we could've still been friends. :/ Brendon and I had a few classes together and we could just talk to each other just fiiiine. but with you, I always felt like you didn't want to talk to me. Idk. I guess I've just been thinking about you a lot, partially because of these kids I volunteered with and now because of Brendon. I'm sorry our friendship ended how it did. 

Len Wilkerson: I'm sorry too. It's definitely not anything you did. I was just immature I guess. I didn't know how to talk to you anymore so I didn't.

I hesitate, but then I finally message back: It's not too late to start keeping in touch again, is it?

Elizabeth Lankarani: Noo! Next time we're both home from college, we should get Starbucks or something. 

Len Wilkerson: I'd like that. :)