Shivika: Will love blossom again?

36. Their thoughts

After Shivika's conversation, Shivaay gave medicines to her and she slept in a while due to medicine effect. He never left her side. Seeing her sleeping peacefully bought a smile on his face. Sitting next to her, he rested his back to the headboard and looked at the ceiling. He started to drown himself in all the things happened.

Shivaay POV:

The first quality that I like in Anika is how she lives her life. The way she makes a dull environment chirpy and the way she makes others smile with her crazy talks is what I admire the most in her. And a mistake of mine changed everything. The girl I saw in Kolkata was completely different. I used to think why she did her behavior change but now I understand that she fears to be around everyone. To the outer world she is confidant and one of the best event manager but she is a vulnerable girl from inside who needs a person to give a shoulder to lean on and to say that everything is alright. She needs a person to hold her hand and assure that someone is there for her always.

Hearing my own mistakes from her is paining a lot. What all did she suffer because of me? At least I had my family with me. But Anika had only Sahil on her side. She had lost our baby and moved to a new place. How did she find a place to stay? How did she manage to start her firm? I don't know anything. But she turned out to be successful event manager and I cannot forget the fact that she was also successful in giving medical aid to Sahil. Now he is able to walk properly because of her. She is indeed an angel and I didn't trust her enough and pushed her away from me. I know she might be thinking to trust me or not but I have to be with her to build this trust for me. Because of lack of trust, Daksh was successful in creating differences between us back then.

I also want to share to you that I know about our baby 3 years back. But how could I convey it now? She will definitely consider that I was very cruel to her and I left her when she was in a broken state due to baby loss. I know in that state as a husband I need to be there for her but then I suffered heart attack and she left the city. Everything happened so fast that I was not able to search her. At the beginning my guilt didn't allow to go towards her but when I thought to be with her, she left the city.

Even if I say entire truth will she believe in me? She knows if I consider anyone as my family, I will always stand for them. In this scenario will she believe that my guilt only was the reason that I didn't go to her after Tia was revealed? The first word that she will say is that I never considered her as a family so I didn't come for her. And she will again try to leave me and I won't handle that. Let this truth be hidden. I am sorry Anika but I want to be selfish here. I will never let you know about it. I will bear this pain for life time but I won't let you go away from me.

Right now she is emotionally weak and the wall she built around her is as delicate as glass. One wrong step and the broken pieces can pierce her heart. I have to break the wall in such a way that she wont feel any pain. Every step I take has to be very careful. I will be there for her and not leave her hand ever.

POV end.

Shivaay looked at her and raised his hand to check her temperature. Tucking those loose hair strands, he kissed her forehead.

S: Get well soon Anika!

Covering her properly with comforter, he left to downstairs. He saw Maria preparing lunch and she smiled. He gave a small nod and sat on the bar stool silently.

M: Anika will be fine Shivaay! Don't worry!

S: It was my mistake that I took her to snow.

M: Shivaay, please don't think like that okay. She will be fine by evening. Don't take stress!

*****

Anika woke up and rubbed her eyes. She saw Shivaay working on his laptop. She tried to sit and its then he saw her. He rushed to her and helped her sit comfortably.

S: I was thinking to wake you up. You need to have lunch and also medicines.

He checked her temperature and took a relaxing sigh as she was normal now.

A: I am fine now.

S: Yeah! I can very well see that. Just sit here and I will bring breakfast here okay!

Anika nodded. Soon he bought lunch to her room and both of them had it. Shivaay made sure she completes everything. Later on Maria took everything and Shivaay started to take out medicines.

A(murmuring): Now he will open that "akbar khazana"!

S: Kuch kaha?

A: Nahi toh!

Shivaay sat next to her and gave her three medicines. She looked at him and pouted.

S: What?

A: Bohot kadwi hai! Mujhe nahi chahiye.

S: I think I heard something wrong. Patients have to take medicines.

A: Patient kisko kaha aapne?

S: Of course its you. If anyone is not feeling well, we call them a patient.

Anika turned her gaze to opposite side. He sighed at the antics of this drama queen.

S: Your over action won't work here! I am not going anywhere until you take them.

Muttering tadibaaz, she took medicines. He smiled seeing her crazy expressions.

A: happy?

S: Very much!

Anika rolled her eyes and she stood up from bed. When he raised his eye brows asking where is she going to, she again pointed towards washroom. He silently left the room rubbing the back side of his neck.

*****

It was evening and Anika was silently sitting in her room after talking to Sahil. Shivaay had gone out for some important work and he took a promise from her that she should take care of her health.

She didn't tell Sahil about her health and asked him to study well for his exams and to take care of his health. She was missing him badly today. In the past three years, when he gets to know that she isn't feeling well, he used to take good care of her and also used to force her to let him take a leave for his school so that he could take care of her. But today, both of them are in different parts of world. She chuckled at the thought.

Her mind drifted to Shivaay's actions. The way he took care of her raised new thoughts in her mind. No, she doesn't doubt his care but she is feeling strange.

Anika POV:

Does his actions prove his care or is there something more to it? He told me that he had accepted me as his wife long back. Is he doing this as his responsibility as a husband or does he l..lo..love me? Did he get me back in his life because he love me or does he want to repent to all the mistakes he had done? Did he married me only to repent for his deeds? I know he doesn't believe in love. He and I are poles apart. I don't have any naam, khoon, khandaan in which he believes very firmly. Then how can I think that he married me because he loves me. He didn't confess his feelings also.

I don't want our relation only to run on guilt and repentance. I know he is doing his best to gain forgiveness and I know that at one point I can forgive him. But what after that? Our relation will have no meaning without love. And I don't want a relation where love is absent. I also want to be happy with Shivaay forgetting everything. But how can a mother forget about her first child?

Why didn't you come back to me after Tia is exposed? Why Shivaay? I know its because of your stupid ideologies. If you would have come back then we would be enjoying with our first child Shivaay. Why you did that? Why? But I won't blame you completely.

I also made a mistake of not taking care about myself when you left me. In my depression I forgot my health and that's the reason my baby left me, didn't even see me for once. Everything happened because of me only. I think I don't deserve happiness. I am a very bad mother. Sorry baby. Can you ever forgive me?

POV end.

Tears rolled down and she started to sob thinking about her baby. She lied down on the bed and covered herself completely in comforter and wept. Tiredness took over her and she slept feeling guilty about loosing her child.

*****