Princes and Assassins

XIV

The wedding is almost upon us. I'm just so excited.

My anxiety will be going through the roof. I don't want to stand up in front of people that I don't know, recite lines about loving Janus in sickness and in health. I mean, what is the point in it anyway. Those words have no more bonding magic then a pinky promise. People leave you, they lie to you, they hurt you. A couple of words from a pre-written script isn't going to change that.

I picked up the crisp, white shirt that was on my bed and glared at it. I had barely spoken or left my room since...he... But that doesn't matter now. I must get ready to plaster on my smile. I'm used to being lonely anyway. Yeah it was a nice change but good things don't last for bad people. That's been repeated a lot in my head lately.

People always leave. My mother did. My father, with his royal duties, left his job as the father figure of my life a long time ago. Castle workers come and leave, some come back again, but they will always leave at some point. Janus left, I mean I don't blame him as he has a kingdom to look after. I guess you could call that double standards as my dad has a kingdom, but Janus is a kid and father is an adult so why can't he get his act together. In the end I always end up lonely.

You know, speaking of my best friend, I had to give him my blessing the other day. You see, and Patton has mentioned similar occasions happening before, we are getting married but he has a lover. I do not know this person but Janus loves him dearly and I trust his judgment. Anyway, I have given them my blessing to be together whilst we are 'married'. I am obviously happy for him. He is my best friend and I love him as such. But it stings that I always end with no one.

Before I knew it I was in a black suit with a white shirt and purple pocket square. But time just flows like a river past you. When you are happy you will swim with it. When you are angry you will try to swim away from it, which ends up with bad consequences and you being pulled down the stream anyway.

Or you can be like me, sad. Then the water flows over you. It all happens and you have no control over your life. You become numb, get stuck in currents, loose track of time and place. You are drowning. And then, you are gone.

I am at a standstill. Sitting there, staring at the floor, putting off the idea of the upcoming event. I can feel myself in that current. It's pulling me down and it won't be long before I am in so deep that I can't swim back up or away from it all.

Knock
Knock

I jump out of my daze.
"Kiddo, it's me Patton. I am coming in." He opens the door and carefully wanders in. Gently, he sits next to me, watching me, assessing me, like some therapist. Like I'm a china doll who will shatter because of the slightest movement. But I don't feel very strong so maybe I am made of china.
"Now Virgil, how are you doing?" He asks softly but I won't reply.
"Are you nervous? Don't be nervous, you know what to do, you'll be fine." I guess he has been told not to mention that topic.
"You will do fine and it's not even like it's a real marriage." Still I do not reply. I don't want to.
"Don't worry about it. Let me know if you need me."

He waits for a moment longer. I don't know what he is waiting for but whatever it is, I know I can't provide it.
"Someone will be here soon to escort you to the king. Then the wedding will commence." Patton pats my back and leaves.

I hate the word wedding. I think that word alone is pushing me further into the current that is keeping me in this sad stupor, but I have no power to change it.

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I hope that you enjoyed that and the extended metaphor made sense. Feedback is always welcome and thank you again for continuing to read this and sticking with it. I appreciate all of you who have made it this far. Please comment, maybe about your favourite bits. I would love to know what you people like. Thank you again. Have a nice day.

-SiD