i am not real , but you were

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I want to go home. I want to hear the dogs barking at me when I open the doors, and have the smell of pizza Wednesday's wafting through the house. I want to peak my head into Jake's room to see him on his computer. I want to sit on the couch with my mom and tell her about my day. I want to see my plants hung around my room. The same room I lived in for 22 years. I want to sleep at home. I want to be at home. I feel like I'm without a home, like I'm in this limbo of nothingness where I don't have somewhere that's mine. I want to go home and be with my mom. I want to park in the driveway, and walk through the house that I've memorized step for step. I want to relive every moment that I lived there. Please, God, help my heavy heart. This is hard. I need help. Please help me in this hard time. All I want is to be at home. One last time.