Dear Future Husband...
I know I'm writing a lot, but perhaps you will appreciate this snapshot into my life in the future, so I will try not to judge myself about it.
Today I simply do not feel worthy of love.
I want to be loved so much.
I've been watching this one YouTube channel, and the way the guys (BTS in the story) are always asking for consent and giving the girl pleasure first - it makes me long for that so much.
Of course this is a part of me so I shouldn't be embarrassed that I do this.
What if I never find someone who can honestly love me like this? Who will put my happiness above all else?
Of course I don't deserve this love. The fact that no guy is attracted to me is proven by this.
I just feel so gross on the inside and the outside.
How can I expect the man of my dreams, when I know I could never be the girl of his? I would rather die than hurt a guy like that.
So now you know. If I have you now - if by some miracle I found someone who truly cares about me, then I'm sure I do not feel worthy of you.
I must not be.
I will try to improve myself as much as possible, before we meet. I want you to have the best that I can be.
But I can only improve so much.
